IllogiNews:Wasp terrorises living room

This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages.

Living Room, 6:30PM

Frantic reports of a wasp in the room have been confirmed by the guy who had the balls to pick up a glass and kill the fucker. Speculation began 15 minutes beforehand when some guy quoted "HOLY SHIT I CAN HEAR BUZZING CAN YOU HEAR IT TOO?!!!... OH FUCK I HATE WASPS I HATE THEM SOMEBODY KILL IT NOW". Some other person replied with "I ain't going near that window". Wannabe hero attempted to end it all with a rolled up newspaper - but pussied out and ran quicky when the wasp got angry, shouting 'Oh my god I was hitting it so hard did you see that I think it's invincible or something man."

The sofa close to the window (which had previously seated 3) was occupied by just one chilled out guy. He learnt his lesson when, to his horror, the wasp landed on his head and buzzed like a complete spaz until he was removed by the previously calm dude. This event was accompanied by jeers of 'I told you so' and 'Now you know'.

For the next few minutes the group was discussing plots to kill or trap the wasp, most of them absurd or just downright stupid. The conversation was halted by as the wasp advanced across the room (forcing the victims to flap their arms about in an attempt to keep the dreaded creature away from them). The wannabe hero was now in the process of pointing towards the window in a desperate attempt to exile the insect from the room.

As 6:30 struck some guy who had been hiding from the wasp picked up a glass and trapped it against the window. Hero guy remained in that position until 6:55 after claiming 'I dont know what to do with it somebody else hold it cause Im getting a sore arm.'

As of 7:10 most have recovered, though the now-hilarious fear they had of such a small creature still dominates the conversation for the moment.