IllogiZoo:Shetland goat
| Shetland Goat | ||
|---|---|---|
 | ||
| Conservation Status | ||
| Near Threatened | ||
| Kingdom | Animalia | |
| Phylum | Netherlandius | |
| Class | Hairius | |
| Order | Goatia | |
| Family | Smellius | |
| Genus | Assius | |
| Species | A.Shitta | |
| Weight | 60 tonnes | |
| Length | 1 metre | |
| Binomial Name | ||
Shetland goats are goats from the Hell of Shetland. And yes, they smell and shit demonic essences everywhere.
Habitat[edit | edit source]
In the Shetlands, researchers have concluded that they hide in Giant Trolls' shit-hole, where there are lots of nutritious shit and mold to eat. Also, there are lots of meaty surfaces where the Shetland goats can wipe their shit on in a Giant Troll's shit-hole
However, when the goat's host dies after 200 years, they wander out in search of another Giant Troll shit-hole. This period is known as Shitty Procession and is the most dangerous season in the Shetlands
Diet[edit | edit source]
I think you are going full retarded, ain't ya?
Their Shit[edit | edit source]
Their shit are minions of Satan and can process even the Pope.
WHAT THE FUCKING HELL I NEED TO GET MY JESUS ACTION FIGURE.
Behavior[edit | edit source]
They seem to remain neutral for all times, feasting and shitting. However, when it is mating season, they shit on each other to get each other high on smelly shit.
What to do if encountered[edit | edit source]
If you happen to encounter a Shetland goat on your travels, kill by stuffing an Jesus action figure into its asshole. But you are doomed if you meet more goats. DOOMED (Because you don't have another clean mini-Jesus to stuff another asshole)
In Popular Culture[edit | edit source]
In the distant fulture, EA will dominate the Silent Hill series and start a new game, Book of Mormons
Basically, a Shetland goat shitted on a Book of Mormons in a Mormon town. The book became corrupted, soon releasing evil shit on the entire Mormon community. The player takes the role of some hippie who needs to bring a Scottish goat safely to the book and let it spray holy shit.
Note[edit | edit source]
There are no photos for Shetland goats as our photographer was eaten by a Shetland Troll.