Illogicopedia Standards And Practices
There are precisely no Standards And Practices at Illogicopedia, nor will there be in the foreseeable future. Lolligaggers and ne'r-do-wells (sp?) continue their unimpeded rampage across this never-proud domain using blitzkrieg tactics, leaving little chance for a grimy barrel maker such as myself to contribute wisdom. Instead, we have the demented ravings translated from Hunnish to punish the eyeballs of unskeptical polyglots.
During the Pleistocene Era, when humans and dinosaurs coexisted peacefully and to their mutual benefit, The Rolling Stones Inc. Bought up space, one condo at a time, until they had a controlling interest in Illogicopedia. The scheme was conceived by a Scottish delegation of oinophiles on loan to the Smithsonian. And several butchers aprons.
Prior to the dissolution of Cantankerous Avionics Ltd. by the Portuguese government, fallow lumps of flesh commonly known as politicians d3cided to open trade routes to Milk of Magnesia, contributing to the housing bubble. In furtherance of their sinister agenda, James Bond bonded bonds issued against the future Anglo-Mexican Wall. In a rare display of magnanimity, the DeBeers Company funded the NASA study of the feasibility of terrorizing urban populations by dropping live turkeys and macaques on heavily trafficked intersections. The results were plummeting sales of cheeseburgers and espresso, magnetized door handles, indoor lightning, three months when Donald Teump did not think about women's breasts, carrots growing up to nine meters, lists of phenomena that which occurred during this time, mandibular dislovation of rodents, the invention of petroleum jelly, snakes sprouting from the foreheads of Jehovah's Witnesses, parking garage rotations, sinkholes refilling themselves, a starch shortage, an excuse to write, "sand several butchers aprons", mail carriers attacked by sponges, the resurrection of Jack Kerouac, door hint reversals, every potsherd in each city moved 6.89 millimeters to the left, rusting wood, alpaca saturation, imperial decree forbidding a man speaking to a woman in a high pitched nasal whine, bowling scores doubled on average, the rebirth of the MG Midget (the Chinese were unaware the term was offensive in the United States, the car's primary target consumers), no person 5'3" or less in height bought an MG Midget, the gravitational force acquired a fishy smell, atheists spoke in tongues for 2 minutes 6 seconds, dogs did not poop for 5 days or more, Filipino acrobats flooded the subway system, everybody won the lottery, and there occurred many other unusual occurrences concurrent to the date and time of this occurrence. Did I mention grammar and coherent thought also took a hit?
Not being one to censor myself, more even edit my meandering, it is at this point in the article when the reader begins to doubt this is simply the result of two near-sleepless nights on the part of the author. Surely (will you stop calling me Surely?) an air compressor and intoxicants are involved. Hating to disappoint, I won't. In fact, the author consumed 4 fine Labatt's 50/50 Pilseners last evening. Although an unusually high number of beers for this gent, there was neither drunkenness nor debauchery.
No,that is not an air compressor. It's a generator in case we lose power, or the woodworker in the house needs power on a job site.