Joe Johnson Show

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WELCOME EVERYONE TO THE JOE JOHNSON SHOW!!

Now, I'll introduce our first guest. He is one of the most well known talk show hosts in our United States! He is a genius*, a comedian**, and even (at one point) an actor***! Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing the legend himself, Joe Johnson!

• Joe Johnson Welcome, and good evening, Mr. Johnson
• Joe Johnson Good evening to you as well, Mr. Johnson
• Joe Johnson I understand that you are a quite esteemed member of the television community, Mr. Johnson
• Joe Johnson Well, yes, I guess you could say that, although I would be embarrassed to claim that, that would sound like bragging, and bragging is beneath me.
• Joe Johnson Anyway, you have seen my work, I cater to a higher audience. Anything less would be...
• Joe Johnson Plebeian?
• Joe Johnson ...yes, yes YES Ha ha ha ha
• Joe Johnson Ha ha ha ha ha
• Joe Johnson So anyway, I hate to change the subject from laughter to melancholy, but I have heard about a rather unpleasant story involving none other then you.........
• Joe Johnson Oh dear, I know what your are going to mention
• Joe Johnson ......about your wife, Mar-
• Joe Johnson Stop! Don't mention her name!
• Joe Johnson Yes, I understand you are incredibly angry with her. You have split up in fact.
• Joe Johnson As a matter of fact, we have. The problem is she has a problem with nagging. She used to constantly nag ALL THE TIME! It was most irritating.
• Joe Johnson So, did you try anything to stop this nagging?
• Joe Johnson Yes, I choked her and cut her arm open
• Joe Johnson And did that work at all?
• Joe Johnson I thought it would at first, however she started nagging more and more about how I was trying to "kill her": what stupid nonsense......
• Joe Johnson ........and after that she tied me, gagged me, and threw me in the basement
• Joe Johnson Wow, that is completely an unintellectual decision on you're ex's part.
• Joe Johnson Yes, indeed Mr. Johnson. She proceed to dial the number for some feminist organization called "Police". I was not clear why, she just said "get over here right away!", in quite a frantic voice.
• Joe Johnson Why do you think she was called this "Police"
• Joe Johnson I thought at first that they where her feminist buddies from the local hair and beauty salon, who also hang out near Clothing Store brand Clothing. I was thinking that they where going to hang around and talk about hair, beauty, clothing, and CHEATING ON THEIR HUSBANDS!
• Joe Johnson bah, I would bet they would
• Joe Johnson Yes, they are all a bunch of SLUTS! S-L-U-Ts!
• Joe Johnson Yes, that is indeed a very accurate and intellectual analysis.
• Joe Johnson Indeed
• Joe Johnson But, as it turns out, this "police" was even worse then I imagined!
• Joe Johnson *gasp!*
• Joe Johnson There was a muscle bound man who....this might shock you, he attacked
• Joe Johnson *GASP!*
• Joe Johnson He was probably cheating with my pathetic harpie of a wife! That LOSER! And he ATTACKED ME in MY OWN BASEMENT, WHILE I WAS DEFENSELESS, THANKS TO MY "WIFE" WHO KIDNAPPED ME IN MY OWN HOME......
• Joe Johnson But this BRUTAL kidnapping had just began! I was THROWN into a van marked "Police" There where no windows, and it was night anyway.
• Joe Johnson I was in this ILLEGAL van, and I heard them grumbling during the long about how I was just another moron.
• Joe Johnson Why would anyone of any since call YOU a moron? You are one of the most admired talk show hosts in the country!
• Joe Johnson Yes, I cannot believe it. Those DUMBASSES accused ME of being a "Moron" BAH!!
• Joe Johnson And I've STILL not at the WORST PART!! THEY SHOVED me out of the UNMARKED KIDNAPPING VAN and locked me up IN CHAINS!! THEN THEY WALKED ME OVER TO A TINY CELL AND THREW ME IN!
• Joe Johnson And it gets worse. After a few days or ISOLATED ILLEGAL TORTURE I was brought to a large room with lots of people[and i use this word loosely]in it. There was a FREAK sitting on a high bench