“Hugo left me misérable.”
Look down. Look down. Don't read the opening line. Look down. Look down. Don't want to hear you whine.
Policeman: Now bring me anonymous editor 18.104.22.168! You could register on the site, you know. Do you know what that means?
Wolverine: Yes. It's free.
Policeman: No! It means you've got to provide a valid email address and that is a cost, at least in principle, if not monetarily, for registering on the site.
Wolverine: I'm from Canada.
Policeman: And I'm John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. Do not forget my name! Do not forget me, 22.214.171.124!
Some Time Later
Some ho be chilin at the circus and Wolverine is all like, "Biatch!! Get back to work! This is a circus!" So the ho gets back to work.
Well apparently she left a Beanie Baby collection back at her crib, but she got run over by a cart, like, with horses and sheet. So the biatch dies and Wolverine is all like, "Imma get them Beanie Babies and sell 'em on eBay."
So he gets the Beanie Babies, but the Police Man thinks he stole them, so he swears by the stars to throw Wolverine in da slamma.
When Everyone Is Old as Hell
A series of riots, like in Ferguson and Baltimore happen. People get killed, like in a video game but with no extra lives. More people get killed in third world countries during the same period, but third world people don't matter, so anyway back to our story.
Some asshole sets Wolverine's Beanie Baby collection on fire, and he dies. But some other peeps get hitched, so it's all good.