Liquid ass

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“What men want in women isn't jewelry. It isn't perfume. And it isn't a dress. It's junk in the trunk!”

~ Misogynist

In today's world where everyone wants to look the best, sometimes, it's hard to get over physical impairments such as having a small ass. That's why we've invented LIQUID ASS. What is Liquid Ass? Just listen to this paid testimonial!

“I used to get made fun of because my ass was so flat, but all it took was one spray and now, boys be lookin' at my ba-donk-a-donk.”

~ Woman with low self-esteem and a lower-back tattoo

How it Works[edit | edit source]

The science behind Liquid Ass is so high-tech, you wouldn't understand it anyway, so we're not even gonna bother explaining it! And you don't care! If you cared, you'd be some kind of nerd, and do nerds want a big ass that they can show to their friends? Of course not!

Application is easy. Simply take your can of Liquid Ass and spray it onto the affected area. In just seconds, the liquid will start to bubble and your ass will grow right before your eyes! It's cosmetic surgery in a can!

“As, um, a plastic surgeon, Liquid Ass, is, um, really hurting my business... Did I say that right?”

~ Man in a lab coat posing as a doctor

Great Things About Liquid Ass[edit | edit source]

If you're not completely sold on Liquid Ass, here's a few more things to keep in mind.

Do rappers write songs about small assess?

Do men grind on small asses?

Does anyone like women with small asses?

Of course not!

Liquid Ass will also make you feel more alert and focused and ready to take on your day. It's a great alternative to diet and exercise.

Of course, these statements have not been evaluated by the FDA!

Try Liquid Ass Today!

Liquid Ass has been known to scorch users' asses and in some cases, mold them shut requiring major surgery either open the asshole up, or do give the patient a colostomy bag for the rest of her life. Other side effects include rickets and jaundice, which have been reported with nearly every use of Liquid Ass. Really, any responsible person should not use this product, but responsible people don't have big asses.