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Arrival[edit | edit source]


“Well, something strange happened....”

~ Door-salesman on the alien

“He was a weird feller'. I remember when he came to town.....”

~ Carl the farmer on the alien's arrival

“I looked outside, and I saw him in the street, he was playing some kind of instrument....”

~ Price Chopper Clerk on the alien's musical enthusiasm

“I knew I should have never picked up that mysterious hitchhiker...”

~ Derek Lobetui, local outcast

“When I heard that saxophone, I knew there would be trouble...”

~ Mr. Italiano, barber shop man.

Description[edit | edit source]

“His skin was orange, flashy in the moonlit sky....”

~ Teacher on the alien's skin tone

“His skin was so bright, he must've been usin' some o' that moisturizer stuff....”

~ Forrest Gump on the alien's skin care.

“His teeth were as long as Shaq's entire leg, like 17 feet tall!”

~ LeBron James on the alien's likeness to Shaquille Oneil.

Diet[edit | edit source]

“And when he started eating our little critters, you know, cats and stuff, it just a matter of time before....”

~ Cheesecake Factory owner on the alien's diet.


~ Chatroom obsessed freak on the aliens change in diet.

“I remember what I told them, when I announced my true purpose on Earth, I had said "I HAVE COME TO EAT YOUR ENTIRE CIVILLIZATION, THEN DIEGEST YOU, CRAP YOU GUYS OUT, AND EAT YOU AGAIN!!! TWO TIME THE DEVOUR!!!”

~ The Alien on his change of diet.

The Horror Begins[edit | edit source]

“That's when he started eating us.”

~ Mr. Snitzfieldesz, permenant patient at the Intensive Care Unit


~ Mr. Penfield on the alien's face devouring techinques.

“And once he had killed my goldfish, I knew he had to be stopped.......”

~ Mr. Italiano on the start of the alien rebellion


~ Homer Simpson on what it felt like to get mauled by 10 tons of plastic alien matter.

Rebellion[edit | edit source]

“We had to meet in secret, plan it out, and make some waffles...”

~ Donkey on the dangers of being an alien rebel.

“As I can recall, I found them shouting very loudly, huddled under a cow.”

~ The Alien on his discovery of the rebellion


~ Steve Carell on what was said in the forementioned meeting.

“Then, the ambush commenced”

~ Tom Cruise on the start of the rebellion.

The Battle Begins[edit | edit source]

“We didn't know what weapons would affect him, or what would just make him angry...”

~ Pencil Sharpener Manufacturer on the attack

“I hit him with my dog's rotting carcass...”

~ Asian Man Playing Keyboard Drums on the rebellion's offensive manuvers.

“I hit him in the nuts.....”

~ Bruce Lee on his attack strategy.

“Yeah, nothing worked. We had no chance and were about to be beaten to a small quivering pulp which would then be drunk by a Massive Traffic Cone Shaped Alien From Outer Space when......”

“And at the moment of our unavoidable defeat, he came. Who? Chuck Norris.”


“Then Chuck came, and I have to admint, he pretty much sucker punched my reputation.”

~ The Alien on Chuck's Mystic.

End[edit | edit source]

“Chuck Norris. He saved us all. Too bad in the process, he uber-roundhouse kicked the whole town, seperating us from our bodies then exploding us into about infinity pieces.”

~ Mayor of Lolzapan City.

“Sad, isn't it?”

~ A Random Pug on the ending of this story.