MASSIVE TRAFFIC CONE SHAPED ALIENS FROM OUTER SPACE

Arrival

ZOMG!

“Well, something strange happened....”

~ Door-salesman on the alien

“He was a weird feller'. I remember when he came to town.....”

~ Carl the farmer on the alien's arrival

“I looked outside, and I saw him in the street, he was playing some kind of instrument....”

~ Price Chopper Clerk on the alien's musical enthusiasm

“I knew I should have never picked up that mysterious hitchhiker...”

~ Derek Lobetui, local outcast

“They ate my squirrels”

~ brind

“When I heard that saxophone, I knew there would be trouble...”

~ Mr. Italiano, barber shop man.

Description

“His skin was orange, flashy in the moonlit sky....”

~ Teacher on the alien's skin tone

“His skin was so bright, he must've been usin' some o' that moisturizer stuff....”

~ Forrest Gump on the alien's skin care.

“His teeth were as long as Shaq's entire leg, like 17 feet tall!”

~ LeBron James on the alien's likeness to Shaquille Oneil.

Diet

“And when he started eating our little critters, you know, cats and stuff, it just a matter of time before....”

~ Cheesecake Factory owner on the alien's diet.

“ZOMG!!!!!”

~ Chatroom obsessed freak on the aliens change in diet.

“I remember what I told them, when I announced my true purpose on Earth, I had said "I HAVE COME TO EAT YOUR ENTIRE CIVILLIZATION, THEN DIEGEST YOU, CRAP YOU GUYS OUT, AND EAT YOU AGAIN!!! TWO TIME THE DEVOUR!!!”

~ The Alien on his change of diet.

The Horror Begins

“That's when he started eating us.”

~ Mr. Snitzfieldesz, permenant patient at the Intensive Care Unit

“He.......ated...ma'..face...off.”

~ Mr. Penfield on the alien's face devouring techinques.

“And once he had killed my goldfish, I knew he had to be stopped.......”

~ Mr. Italiano on the start of the alien rebellion

“D'oh!”

~ Homer Simpson on what it felt like to get mauled by 10 tons of plastic alien matter.

Rebellion

“We had to meet in secret, plan it out, and make some waffles...”

~ Donkey on the dangers of being an alien rebel.

“As I can recall, I found them shouting very loudly, huddled under a cow.”

~ The Alien on his discovery of the rebellion

“LOUD NOISES!!!”

~ Steve Carell on what was said in the forementioned meeting.

“Then, the ambush commenced”

~ Tom Cruise on the start of the rebellion.

The Battle Begins

“We didn't know what weapons would affect him, or what would just make him angry...”

~ Pencil Sharpener Manufacturer on the attack

“I hit him with my dog's rotting carcass...”

~ Asian Man Playing Keyboard Drums on the rebellion's offensive manuvers.

“I hit him in the nuts.....”

~ Bruce Lee on his attack strategy.

“Yeah, nothing worked. We had no chance and were about to be beaten to a small quivering pulp which would then be drunk by a Massive Traffic Cone Shaped Alien From Outer Space when......”

~ Unknown

“And at the moment of our unavoidable defeat, he came. Who? Chuck Norris.”

~ SWAT TEAM MEMBER

“Then Chuck came, and I have to admint, he pretty much sucker punched my reputation.”

~ The Alien on Chuck's Mystic.

End

“Chuck Norris. He saved us all. Too bad in the process, he uber-roundhouse kicked the whole town, seperating us from our bodies then exploding us into about infinity pieces.”

~ Mayor of Lolzapan City.

“Sad, isn't it?”

~ A Random Pug on the ending of this story.