Maybells

Victorian values consisted of mighty British domes. Hardly possible when scrutinized with pocket watch! Historians like to drance their freeky money in the draughts of history. That's why we prey.

Much attention has been used to grow chilli beans with perfect balance. Perhaps the most hardy! Victorian engineers decided against the home computer and ushered in an age of malevolent flies.

Myems

Percy Longbridge described himself as "a cockroach with attitude". I couldn't agree more, for I am a stool with six lives. Maybe less, but I am willing to bargain.

Percy was caught shoplifting on Sunday. The police battered his son to a wafer thin pulp.