Mellophone

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Mell-o-phone |ˈməllofone|

noun

1 a brass musical instrument with a flared bell and a bright, penetrating tone that can blast your eardrums like bananans. The modern instrument has the tubing looped to form a straight-sided coil, with three valves, and fun spit valves to drip on you, and for those who are truly lonely, your sex pal on wednesdays nights.

• something shaped like a trumpet, esp. the tubular corona of a daffodil flower, but with a large bell and the sound of a dying whale

• a sound resembling that of a trumpet, esp. the loud cry of an elephant, or dying giraffe

1 [ intrans. ] play a mellophone : [as adj. ] ( mellophoning) figures of two mellophoning hobos.

• make a loud, penetrating sound resembling that of a mellophone : wild cockroaches mellophoning on the rock on a subway in taiwan

2 [ trans. ] proclaim widely or loudly : The boy mellophoned that he wanted crack

PHRASES

ORIGIN Middle English : from Old French mellofonette, diminutive of mellomp. The verb dates from the mid 16th cent.

Gettin' Back to the Basics

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The mellophone is an instrument used for marching band, it was first made for hobos who wanted to play in the marching band but got screwed over with the french horn. With lots of intense work, they finally had the trumpet and french horn make a baby, creating the mellophone.

Simple Algebra:

Trumpet+ Unwilling French Horn Rape= Mellophone

_{No instruments were harmed in the making of this false information page}

The mellophone, aslo known as the "mello" never is given melody and will only play side parts because they sound so horrible. The mellophone usual comes in the brass color, but also comes in silver and copper.

Those who play: Of the weird sort, but heck all band kids are, Usually the rival of the trumpet, but in truth, they are like bff's giuuuuuuurll'! They are intelligent and slightly nerdy like all, and are somewhat attractive, but not slutty girls like the flute section. They are humorous and sarcastic, and usually very social creatures. They admit to their lame-ess of the instrument they play, which gives them slight respect from others. Some say these players are endangered and others extinct in some bands, your not missing much but fun and silly band kids to hang around with. The mellophonist is the condom of the band Although some may thing they are horrible sounding, and the instrumentalist will mostly likely agree, they arent as bad as saxphones! They are like johnny apple seeds of the band who spread abstinence seeds and promote waiting til' marriage, or no sex at all! (Because its not real! Its like a unicorn or santa, sorry kiddos' it aint' real.) They are good minded souls... most of the time. If not, the best way to scold a mellophonist is either:

1. Make them eat soap.

2. Call them a waffle.

3.If step one or two dont work, resort to chucking waffles at them until down on ground in submissive hold.

Mellophonists are on the short end of the size chart, usual not going over 5'5, they are comical in there size and usually politically in correct while cracking off jokes. You never go wrong with sitting with one on the band bus, because they are lots of entertainment. There favorite time of year is christmas--"winter holiday", they celebrate Jewmas in packs and eat ladkas while making ginger bread houses and waiting for santa to slide down the gutter. They are very festive and sometimes thought of as elves. But it doesnt matter because they are lame like that... and very very short.

"The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear."

Har Har Har Derp Funny Jokes:

 for those kids who arent so lucky

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Q: How many Mellophone players does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Just one -- but they'll spend two hours checking it for alignment and leaks.

Q: What is the range of the mellophone?

A: Drop Kick it reaaal hard, and maybe 37 yards.

Christmas parade: Just say Ho!!

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