Middle aged mutant desk-job turtles

From Illogicopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Fifteen or so years after their prime: When stars fizzle out.[edit]

Today we look at the once loved, hip, and totally cool Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, who, like many celebrities, have rotten into old ugly people that nobody cares about and live below-average lives. The once A-list cartoon heroes now work at a failing technology corporation, spending hours at desks filing boring reports and throwing away memos before they even bother to read them.

Let's go to our field reporter, Bob.

Bob: Thanks, narrator guy! I'm here at Initech going to find our green, hard-shelled office employees! I hear they work on the second floor. Let's go, camera guy!
Bob: There he is! The famed Leonardo! He's sporting an awkward-shaped gray suit, some slacks, and his famous blue face mask that doesn't conceal his identity at all! Let's go talk to him!
Leonardo: Hey, who are you?
Bob: Hey, loser, you don't ask the questions! I do, cause I have a decent, fun, fulfilling job and am not a total loser!
Leo: I'm sorry, but I have to file some reports on my software updates. Please excuse me.
Bob: Excuses, excuses! Stop working and start answering questions. So, first off, what happened? You were once a charismatic leader of douchebag turtles who kicked bad guys' asses, and now you sit around for eight hours a day and space out! Tell us how the group fell apart.
Leo: Listen, I'm not at liberty to tell you about our problems, the company would get really mad if we did.
Bob: Leo, dude... stop being a loser and answer our questions! We're supposed to take up a half hour slot interviewing you four failures!
Leo: Ugh, reporters! Go interview Mikey or something, I have codes to debug and balls of crumpled up paper to throw in the trashcan like a basketball.
Bob: As you wish, party pooper.... we'll get you back if our ratings drop even one point!