My refrigerator is plotting to kill me
Hello. For the past couple of weeks I have become increasingly concerned that my refrigerator is plotting to kill me.
It all started with little things: hushed electrical humming, food items spoiling long before their expiration dates, that little light that lets you know when the door is open flicking uncontrollably. Needless to say, I was afraid.
I had always gotten along fairly well with my refrigerator. Sure, we have had our occasional disagreement, like the time the ice maker broke and I got up to get a midnight snack only to walk through standing water on my kitchen floor. But no relationship is perfect. I understand that, I accept that.
But self-preservation takes precedence over politeness. No matter how much history there is between us, I will not have someone plotting my own demise. I have already taken some steps to limit my encounters with the refrigerator, but this is proving to be rather difficult. I am having to go out for food every night since I can no longer use the refrigerator to store anything. Likewise, I have having to drink nothing but tap water and hot sodas because I am not longer able to keep anything cool in the refrigerator.
Also, I am starting to think that my refrigerator might know that I know. I often go into my kitchen only to discover that the magnetic letters on the refrigerator’s door have been arranged in a way to form threatening messages. It is only a matter of time before the refrigerator follows through on those threats.
I am getting desperate. I have decided that tonight I will confront my refrigerator. My only hope is that my inspiring speeches have been enough to convince the stove to join in with me on combating this problem.
I guess I will find out tonight.
The first discovery[edit | edit source]
It was more than what I had planned to do. It was around 6pm, and I had to get my dinner out of the fridge. But I immediately looked at it, and there was fungus growing on the meat, despite the fact that I only made this this morning.
My toaster[edit | edit source]
From what I have seen, my toaster may also be plotting to kill me, because I heard voices at midnight going 'eg... eg... eg...' (not egg). But the toast was burning in the toaster and it looked sentient. I heard another voice: 'kill... kill... kill... Oh can that, we'll just go'. Similarly the 'Extra Lift' button does not always work, which means I burn my hands all the time.