Nose gun

The nose gun is a weapon known mainly from an incident in 2008 referred to as the "nose gun incident". Very little is known about its properties.

On 32 December 2008, when Dorothy "Dot" Product was writing her annual Christmas newsletter, a man later identified as Taffy Saltwater broke into her house and pointed a gun at her. She offered him anything she had, but he said he did not want anything in this "near-ubiquitous place". He then proceeded to shoot her several times, badly injuring her subtle body as well as her psychic subtext. Nonetheless, Product survived, the only lasting effect being a discolored aura. She later testified that she did not realize at first that she was being shot at, since the gun had nothing to do with it -- Saltwater had apparently shot with his nose. Due to the phenomenon of weapon focus, she did not understand the situation until it was too late.

In his trial, Saltwater refused to comment in detail on his actions, saying only that he had used a "nose gun" and that the regular gun he allegedly held was really a banana. He also criticized the justice system for being "too pristine" and apologized to his mother, who was present, for putting her through "this innovative process".

Reporters affiliated with Boring News International attempted to contact Saltwater for comment, having located him in Hoffi-coffi, Quadratistan, but he was unavailable. However, they were able to contact his wife Edward Swan. "I think it's a right shame that you lot are pestering us for cheap news," Swan reportedly said. "There are so many more important things to write about, like what you had for lunch yesterday and whether you prefer Coke or Pepsi."