Nothing juice

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Ah, nothing juice... the sweet taste of a poisoned chalice. The pure flavour of nothing at all, opening your mind and body to the emptiness within. You expect to find some kind of nourishment, but there is only emptiness, an emptiness created through the clash of positive and negative, white and black, happiness and sadness, forgiveness and rejection, fire and water. None of the clashing things, the ingredients on the label, remain; they have killed each other in the course of being mixed together, and there is only grey, expansive emptiness, flavoured up with some kind of artificial sweetener.

Most beverages one finds on the shelves of stores make some kind of pretence to being 'good for you'. They ramble on ad nauseam about how many calories and carbohydrates they contain, what percentage of daily values of various nutrients they have, whether they have any sugar or if it's just aspartame or somesuch. Even water these days claims loudly that it has no calories, which ought to be obvious to anyone with half a brain. Don't you ever wish you could find a beverage that didn't endlessly pontificate about its supposed benefits to this and that? (Never mind your own tap water; we're talking about stuff in stores that can be sold for money. Tap water is free.) Nothing juice is just the thing. It says exactly what it is, and it has no nutritional value whatsoever to boast of!

You're probably thinking that it's better to buy something that has some kind of nutritional content. Well, think again. Most beverages on the market have even less nutritional value than nothing juice and can actually make you sick. They lie and exaggerate in order to seem like they're worthwhile, when they are in fact made of rotten things, misery and lies. Nothing juice has those things as well, but balanced out with sweetness and light so that you will suffer no ill effects. The label tells the whole truth. What more can you ask for? (Well, obviously, you could ask for a nutritious beverage. But they don't exist. Trust us.)

Buy Nothing Juice today! Call 1-800-NOTHING (1-800-765-4321) toll-free at your local telephone booth. Service is not guaranteed to be 24/7 or any reasonable hours. We sleep a lot. Like, a lot.