Omni-grain
“Bored of Nutri-Grain? Quasi-Grain does not do it for you? Knife-Grain failing to cut the mustard? Then you need OMNI-GRAIN.”
Ever tripped on weed? I have, some schmoe left his stash on the floor. Augh, it was embarrassing, stumbling on it slightly, my foot was displaced from its intended course of trajectory, not fun at all. Ummm.....
IT'S HEALTHY!!
Omni-Grain was developed by Thai farmers after the cereal industry fell into the hands of evil. In the great furnaces underneath the paddy fields a grain was forged. One grain to rule them all, one grain to find them, one grain to bring them all, and in the darkness provide both a balanced and tasty breakfast alternative. This grain was forthwith made into an apple flavoured cereal bar and bequeathed to a young doorknobbit called Frodo Baggins, to help him take down an evil all-seeing marketing executive. After battling his way through a sea of paperwork and snarky water-cooler lackies, Frodo eventually made it to the bum's office, and shot the omni-bar into his eye with a rocket propelled grenade launcher (this came free in a pack of coco-pops). Frodo was subsequentially suspended without pay, and omni-grain was banned from supermarkets under the guise of being "too healthy."