One Man's Waste is Another Man's Dinner
Tom, determined to make it this time, looked up from his desk.
"On your mark, get set, go!" came a voice from a loud speaker.
A gun shot in the air, and the crowd began to cheer. Tom was participating in "Xtreme Camel Staring" a sport in which several competitors had to continue staring at a camel while being slathered with distractions. If one took their eye off the camel at any point, the explosives attached to them would detonate, and their guts would fly all over the screaming fans. And Tom loved every minute of it.
While the several nude models walked in front of the camel, who at this point was staring dumbly at a fly, Tom still persisted at looking at the Camel while several other men exploded. It was him, now, him and that other, creepy looking guy. Actually, Tom didn't know if he was creepy looking because he was staring at the camel. Looking at the camel's fur, its elegant, curly fur, and, best of all, it's hump. He enjoyed the hump; he enjoyed it so much.
Right at that moment Tom saw a cow.
Charlie was sitting calmly at his computer. Clicking his mouse, moving it around, eyes shifting back and forth. He was busy making his new website, called Three-Legged Cats For Any Occasion. He was just about to finish it, when his alarm clock started beeping annoyingly.
"28 o'clock already? Feck. I really had some work to do." he said. He picked up his computer and threw it out the window. "I never liked you anyway!" he yelled. The computer, who was falling very fast from his one-floor skyscraper, started beeping wildly, and deleted his website. Before it hit the ground, the screen replaced itself with "ownd". However, instead of hitting the ground, it hit something else. Something far more important, so much smarter, and so much fleshier.
Charlie was walking around his two-floor apartment in sheep-skin slippers. The slippers, which were made of sheepskin, were not really made of sheep skin, they were really made plastic in the shape of a water bottle. In fact, it was a water bottle. The slipper makers ran out of money for production, so they took some bottles and put it in a box, hoping no one would notice the difference. Fortunately, no one seemed to notice, until one person tried to eat his slipper and discovered it was a water bottle. He filed a lawsuit, and the company disappeared. Charlie, however, ceased to notice the difference.
Microwave," Charlie said to his microwave, "Make me a sandwich pronto. I have to get to work." The microwave just sat there. Charlie, reaching for a tie, proceeded to untie his shoes and tie them again. After twenty minutes of attempting to tie his water bottle shoes, he walked over to the microwave, opened it up, and took out a hamster."Mmmmmmmm." he thought to himself. "Thanks for the sandwich, microwave. Or should I say 'micro', or wait! even better! 'Mike'!" Charlie walked out the door of his six-floor home, and proceeded to fall down the stairs. Along the way, he knocked over a man carrying his brand new vase that he had recently bought for twenty-two thousand, four-hundred and seventy-six dollars at an auction.
"Dammit, I bought that vase for twenty-two thousand, four-hundred and seventy-six dollars! What the hell is your problem!?" the man yelled at Charlie.
Charlie, however, was too far down they sixty flights of stairs to hear what the man was saying. He had work to do; whether he liked it or not.
Tom opened up his eyes. His head was throbbing;he had no idea what had happened to him. He only remembered hearing "I never loved you anyway!" and then passing out. He sat up, and looked around. He looked to his right, where he saw nothing but an innocent-looking cardboard box. He looked to his left, where he saw a computer monitor.
"Interesting," he said to himself. "I always wanted a new computer monitor."
As he was walking away with the cardboard box, he began to think. Would he need that monitor that he left behind? AS he pondered over the thought, he walked into a lake un-knowingly. He hadn't noticed he was underwater until it was nearly too late; he managed to swim to the top before he drowned. However, in all of his efforts, he left his box at the bottom.
"Ok, that's it! I'm getting that monitor!"
He swam out of the lake, walked back to the monitor, and picked it up. He carried it all the way home, where he calmly set it down on a comfortable matress with expensive silk pillows and sheets.
"The best for the greatest," said Tom before he laid down on his bed made of rusty nails.