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A perfect mouse. (And I know that it is perfect because I found it with Google by searching for a "perfect mouse".)

My articles will never be.

Nor, most likely, will yours.

Nor anyone else's, save for the guy who was writing articles consisting of a blank page, titled "Empty Article #1" through "Empty Article #99". But that's cheating -- a perfect blank, unlike most other "perfect" goals, is actually attainable.

Or ... we should say it's attainable in writing. For in that case it consists of a simple absence of words.

In fact, in the universe in general, a perfect blank is not attainable. For a perfect blank would be, after all, a perfect vacuum, and aside from the problem of provoking Nature's wrath should you achieve one[1], there is the problem that just about all real-world materials have a nonzero vapor pressure, which means you'll get random molecules floating around in your "perfect vacuum". And so poof, there goes your perfection.

But it gets worse! Have you heard of vacuum fluctuations?

Didn't think so. Well, you're about to.

It seems that Nature doesn't just hate a vacuum, Nature actively forbids a vacuum. You may have heard of the "uncertainty principle". It's something from quantum mechanics, and it says that ... oh forget it, let's not go there tonight, it's late. Let it suffice to say that it implies that you can never really know that a piece of space is empty. And so, if you were to achieve a perfect vacuum, some confused particles would most likely just kind of appear, as if by magic, right in the middle of your "empty" space.

Because nature is like that.

  1. "Nature abhors a vacuum", they say. Right?