Perl

Perl is a computer language for people who can remember their programs so well that they don't need to read them to remember what they do. It is therefore impossible to write comments in perl programs. Almost all the symbols used in a perl program are punctuation marks. It also has several thousand defined functions which no one can remember and are listed in the extremely expensive, out of print text, Long and rambling list of Perl defined function which incidentally has a long, random and self-referential title which also happens to be meta-selfreferetial... Essentially, the aim of perl is to be so ridiculously compact that you could program a whole operating system with six lines of code.

Here is the whole text of a Perl program which finds partial derivatives:

!usr/bin/perl
intpr (<[/]///';';';][*][*][*]@@@@@@@[*][*][*][;',','//////>);
Vosbert {$STODOFF};
Print "$STODOFF\n"

Here is the whole text of a Perl program which makes an annoying buzzing noise.

!usr/bin/perl
print "AAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!\a\a\a\a\a\a\a\a\a\a\a\a\a\a\a\a\a\a\a\a\a\a\a\a\a";

Obsfucated perl is essentially the same as regular perl, but all functions are redefined in terms of the six symbols (*, &, ^, %). This program will try to sell you a fishwife.

!usr/bin/perl
*^%@ %$£*(%$)%*%$*%*$(%*£%$*%*£*%$(%*$(*%$(*Grug*);
*£$($*(%*$