Everything You Need to Know About Pikachu[edit | edit source]
So I was in the woods near my house the other day and I found this weird little dude. I think it was still under-evolvified, so it must be a Pee-choo or whatever. Anyway, it told me that "he" (he gave himself a masculine pronoun like he's a man, or something) was a Pikachu, so I had to give him the benefit of the doubt, right? I did. He's a Pikachu. His name is Paulbert William Shears. I call his PWS, which could stand for "Pikachu Without Symphony". Or "Probably Walrus, Stupid".
I Took My Pikachu for a Walk Through the City[edit | edit source]
We walked by the Olive Garden and he started making rude comments about the people walking by:
- "Dude, did you see that chick? What's up with her umbrella? What do you mean, blocking out the rain? It's raining? Why are we walking in the rain? Are you stupid?"
- "Dude, that dude over there. You see him? I think people need to apply for licenses to go shirtless in public. HEY, DUDE. PUT A SHIRT ON. Hey he's coming this -- dude, where're you going?"
- "Dude, he's riding a Harley. HEY, DUDE. NICE SCOOTER. YOU SHOULD mmphphmhmphphm"
I Had to Duct-Tape PWS's Mouth Shut Out of Self Preservation[edit | edit source]
Life Cycle[edit | edit source]
I guess they lay eggs or something.
Wisdom[edit | edit source]
Sometimes PWS tells me his insights into life.
- "What's with this milk? It should come in bags, like in Canada. I don't like this paper carton crap."
- "There should be another internet. There should be, like, a bunch of internets. One for fish, one for Wikipedia, one for watching stuff, you know. Stuff like that."
- "I need a girlfriend. You need a girlfriend, too. Does this make us bachelors? Cool. We have a bachelor pad. What do you mean, you never invited me to live here? I've lived in your bath tub for, like, a month. What? 'Rent'? Isn't that a musical or whatever?"
- "Man, I love peanut butter."
Conclusion[edit | edit source]
Pikachus are free loaders. Don't get one. Don't even go in the woods -- they'll follow you home and get you in trouble with biker gangs.
This is a photo of my apartment. PWS has friends.