Porpoise Song
A recent study by Bob shows that porpoises are much, much more intelligent than our puny human minds used to think. They're fans of The Monkees! A porpoise was recently found wearing a Monkees T-shirt at an aquarium. This proves that porpoises must have been exposed to The Monkees at some point. This shows that they also probably assisted with the creation of the Monkees song 'Porpoise Song'.
Evidence[edit | edit source]
Bob and his colleagues noticed that a piece of human hair was found in the porpoise's dung. DNA tests show that the genetic material of the hair matches Mike Nesmith's genetic material. This could have come from when Mike visited the aquarium a few days previously and dropped a piece of his hair into the porpoise enclosure to see if the porpoises enjoyed eating it. They did!
Monkeeism[edit | edit source]
Little known to the aquarium staff, Mike Nesmith's hair is actually a holy food in the world of porpoises. Sometimes, porpoises will sprinkle various spices on it, such as seaweed, cinnamon, copper, and plastic. Wild porpoises have built magnificent temples to honor The Monkees. In these temples, porpoises sit and pray to the almighty holy Peter, Micky, Mike, and Davy. While praying, these porpoises almost always wear one or multiple of the following:
- A Frank Zappa mustache
- A bra
- A replica of Mike Nesmith's hat
- A diaper full of poo dating to the Ancient Egyptians
- A diaper full of modern-day poo
- A wikipediaper
- A microskirt (mainly worn by male porpoises)
- A Monkees T-shirt
- An Estonian flag
- A toothbrush
- A Micky Dolenz hair wig
- A piece of wood
- An iPod Touch
- The latest edition of the Illogicopedia
- A Peter Tork hair wig
- Axe deodorant
- Another porpoise
'Porpoise Song'[edit | edit source]
The Monkees wanted to create a song that honors their most loyal fans, the porpoises. Therefore, they made a song that the porpoises can all love and cherish.