Pwang and Pwuck

War! It is all war! It is all fear! Bring me the suspended animatronic zipper king and we will poke needles into this orange, the orange representing a lost era in which the mighty caveman shot an arrow through a time portal and killed Jimmy Hoffa! Go, bring me your hatstand so I can put this plastic beef and plaster potato plate into the centralizer. The magic smoke is coming out, wat do? THE TIME HAS COME TO PUSH THE BUTTON (shameless plagiarism of a famous electronica act ahoy). Come on push it already. I am turning into Gandalf what with this beard and getting old. All I need is a robe. I'm sorry sir I can't hear you over the shortwave radio... picking up a transmission from the distant past... it says "HOLY FUCK AN ICEBERG WE'RE DEAD AND I HAVEN'T SEEN MY FATHER IN TEN GODDAMN YEARS AND HE'S IN NEW YORK LORD HELP US ALL!"... and zounds! A skeleton! He is choking the chicken and punching the chicken...who doesn't like a good chicken? (All the hands in the room raise their hands) What kind of people are you, aliens? (in unison) OH NO! HE'S ON TO US! (dodoes with lasers come out of the darkness in a swarm of pure subterranean multiplasmic too-many-cooks-saves-nine clusterfuck...but then someone runs in and is playing New Age music and the dodoes are exitinct once more...PSYCH! PSYCH! PSYCH! Tilt!) Post no bills senor platypus man. You have shot Ape Linconn. Do you like it is? What is real? What is safe? I dunno I'm out of here let's go to Pluto.