QEMM

“QEMM I(S THTE BEST PROGRMA EVER!!!!! AYAYA IT LETS ME EXPAND MY XMS MEMORY XMM SO MUCH THAST I CAN WATHC GIANA SITER LIVE!!!!”

~ GIANA SITER FAN

“QEMM works like a charm! Thank's, symantech quarter deck windows mircosoft!!!!”

~ Adam Invidero

“Since the day 1 when I started using QEMM, a few days have passed. Excellent tool to track time.”

~ Necrocoprophagia

QEMM is a crappy program released by Travis Kelce in 1997. It is supposed to break your MS-DOS. It also contains many utilities such as UNINSTAL.EXE, Dos-Down, QuickShoot and the most important one, T386. Because Toshiba is great. I love Tashibo, it's my favourite dish after spagetthi.

List of utilities and what they do

QEMM driver

This driver barely survived a car crash once. They crashed with themselves.

Dos-Down

Slows down your DOS. Obvious, isn't it?

QuickShoot

Makes you shoot yourself after you fiddle around with QEMM and make your computer unusable. You had important games work porn on there.

Optimize

Optimizes your funeral, calling as little people as possible after you use QuickShoot. You need to save up money for your relatives, because they'll use this program too.

QDPMI

Quality De-Pression Measure Initiator. Helps with QuickShoot.

Stealth

Steals your will to live.

T386

Main article: T386

T386 is the best thing since sliced bread. Or even Tashibo. It is awesome, you can do so much with it. My mom lives with T386 every day, she cannot survive a second without it. Everybody needs T386, T386 for president yadda yadda yadda. I love watermelon. T386. Watermelon. Paper watermelon. Just on T386. T386. Watermelon. Everybody uses T386. It is so helpful in everyday life. I love T386. Use T386. T386. Better than watermelon. Sliced bread. T386. My mom. T386. Sliced mom. My watermelon. T386. T386 for watermelon. Paper president. Tashibo. It's the best thing. T386. The most important tool. Airplanes are flying. T386. T386. T386. Let's scrowel together. T386. For the better. T386. Water. Melon. T386.

Ooops erro

Exception 13: Your computer has attempted to execute an invalid instruction
due to an error in one of your programs, a conflict between two programs,
or a conflict between a program and a hardware device.

This is not a QEMM error, but QEMM is reporting the error so you will know
what happened and so you can report these happenings to the police. The
deep state is everywhere. Trust me, you have to escape America. This
is the only way. Trust me. --Travis Kelce

You should write down the information in your passport for
fabricating data when you're leaving. You need this in order to
eliminate the CIA from tracking you. Also make sure to throw your
phone in the river, make a clay portrait of yourself and throw that
in the river as well.

You should write down the information below and see the QEMM manual's
troubleshooting section. When in trouble, shoot. If the suggestions
in the QEMM manual don't help, run a few circles around your building
and then come back. If there are still no suggestions in the manual,
take a bit of LSD and wait for 5 minutes. If God does not appear in
your hallucinations and tells you how to fix this, try making
contact with your dead relatives using the Weegie board.
After all, you're the one trying to use MS-DOS in the modern age of 
the Today.

    Exception #13 at F000:B02C, error code: 0000
    AX=7089 BX=0000 CX=0002 DX=B102 SI=7478 DI=10B9 BP=73A8
    DS=0000 ES=C000 SS=4064 SP=0082 Flags=7807
    Instruction: 41 49 44 20 45 50 4F 43 20 49 47 4F 4C 4C 49
    
Press T to (T)he or R to (R)ock.  If your system does 
not respond, shove it up your ass.