Ron Weasley

You gone dunnit again, Ron

"They're having ANOTHER one?!"

~Draco Malfoy

"Useless"

~Snape

"There is no spoon"

~Phycic Spoonchild

Ron Weasley was born in a can of corned beef. He was a sad child growing up as he always smelled like corned beef. No one ever came to his birthday parties, and his only friend was half a chocolate frog that he found wedged in the couch cushions. After graduating school, he opened a newspaper stand next to a bus stop. He lived to the age of 192, at which point he fell off the roof of Hogwarts.

Early Life

Age 1-3

While still a baby, Ron grew gradually more annoying with time. He was always out in the garden because his brothers and parents couldn't stand listening to him. He learned to talk from gnomes that he found buried in holes.

There are no pictures from this time because nobody bothered to take any of him. His mum was quoted as saying,"...a waste of film..."

Age 4-9

At this age, Ron was put in the room under the attic because the ghoul in the attic was so noisy no one else wanted the room. No one is sure where he learned arithmetic, but it is guessed that he magically accumulated the knowledge over time.

At Hogwarts

Ron's family was relieved at the thought of no Ron for 9 months. On the Hogwarts Express, his mum packed him a corned beef sandwich. At Christmas, he was sent a maroon sweater, just to remind him how unwelcome his return would be. Damnit, woman! Don't you know how much he hates maroon!