Roto-Rooter Troubleshooter

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Could you do me a favour and not write this article until I'm in my van and on my way?
...Far on my way?

Who do you call when your pipes don't work and your drain's not draining? Who do you call when you're stuck in the same hotel room as your unhygienic next-door neighbour and a rather resilient acquaintance; when someone just so happens to think that placing their sandwich inside the toilet bowl is a good idea, before it gets lodged inside and the water won't flush through properly, causing your entire hotel room to be flooded with toilet water (and rendering climbing out the window as the only possible means of escape)?

You call the hotel receptionists, of course.[1]

Who do you call when you're in need of medical attention (and definitely not "home improvement") and an incredibly nice friend of yours comes to look after you while you rest because you needed both your eyes bandaged, and though you're rather familiar with the position of everything in your house she inexplicably comes up with a plan to move all the furniture in your house three inches to the left?[2]

You call Roto-Rooter, troubleshooter.

Available for all your roting and rooting needs, Roto-Rooter has a solution for all kinds of problems, not just limited to plumbing, but encompassing mechanics, DIY services, and everyday living options.

"And away goes trouble, down the (cosmic) drain..."

Who do you call when people keep freaking you out? It's not like there's much of a solution for that since everything tends to frighten you anyway. Particularly when you got employed by the local bakery's advertising and sales department, constantly wandering the streets half-immersed in a loaf of bread, facing the imminent threat of terrifying toasty torment. Where's the place to get a wholewheat loaf or a white baguette?

Probably not Roto-Rooter.

Don't be alarmed, it's just my snake. Do we have any snake charmers in the house tonight? Please don't encourage her, she thinks she's dangerously qualified.

Who do you call? Me.

  1. Thankfully that girl who seems to be permanently on something wasn't around back then. She'd probably be laughing at your misery.
  2. She even switched the phone and the cactus around, so be careful not to place a cactus up to your face when considering dialling us for support.

See also[edit]