Shirt

A shirt is like, this thing you wear, right? But get this. There are a bunch of kinds of shirts, like a whole heaping lot. More than you could put in a boat. Why wouldn't you want to put them in a boat? I mean, it's not like it would hurt. They might get soaked, though. That's not good. You don't want your shirts to get soaked. But you could get in the Guinness World Records for the most shirts on a boat. But then some rich guy comes along and buys the Titanic and fills the entire thing with shirts made by Chinese kids in a sweatshop. Shit.

Origin

That reminds me. Shirts were invented by the French. They wanted people to stop saying "shit" and then saying "pardon my French", you know? 'Cause it isn't really French. So they made shirts, right? To give them something else to say entirely. See? No, you don't see. It has the same effect, you know, because the "pardon my French" part was just so mothers don't get mad that you just said shit in front of their dumbass babies. So if you don't say it to begin with, and you say shirt instead, then they don't get mad and all.

Usage

The whole covering your torso thing really caught on, though, now everyone does it. Except at beaches in Europe, have you ever been to a beach in Europe? Dude, if we took some binoculars to Europe on our shirt boat we could peep so many naked chicks. Okay, okay, what was I talking about? Yeah, so girls were tired of guys staring at their boobs, so they started wearing shirts, but nowadays they cut off like 80% of their shirts because they're whores. It's true.

Types

There are like, at least three different kinds of shirt. Maybe four. You have the ones with the long sleeves, and the t-shirts. T-shirts were invented by a guy named Terry, you know, his friends called him T-dawg. He cut the sleeves off his long-sleeved shirt. Most of the sleeves. Not all of them, that would be a tank top, and we aren't talking about tank tops yet. He cut the sleeves off because it was too hot. And his homies in the hood copied his style, and his homies' homies copied it off them. Then there's those annoying shirts with the unfunny crap on them, too, like "This is my formal attire" and it's just a lousy gray shirt, it's not funny at all. Tank tops, some people call them wife beaters, you know, 'cause people who wear them commit domestic violence. They're usually white – the shirts, not the people – except I mean they usually used to be white but they aren't now because they're stained as hell.

Conclusion

Hey, do you think we could scrape up enough cash to rent a boat? We could pick up hella chicks, bro.