Show and tell
My Daddy makes his own soda at home. It's called home made soda. Sometimes he calls it seltzer, but I don't like that word because it makes me feel all oogy. He's good at making things like soda and beer and meth, and he grows pot in the back yard.
My Mommy wouldn't let me take any meth or pot or beer to school because the last time Social Services came to our house, I had to go live with this mean lady who smelled like whiskey and cigarettes.
After Mommy told me I could only take soda, I wanted to bring all different kinds to share, but Daddy said no. Most of the bottles have little stars on them, and Daddy says that means there's Everclear in the soda, and it's not to share, but only for us. Sometimes at night, Mommy gives me star soda and I go to sleep real fast.
So today I brought my cousin's favorite, Bacon Seltzer, which was the only one left in the house without Everclear in it. It tastes like bacon, and my sister says you have to have hair on your balls to drink it. I don't think there's any hair on my balls, but once I tasted it, and I threw up for about a whole day.