Slim Dilly Slop My Onions!

*chanting* cheese brick cheese brick cheese brikc

I'm so dead serious when I say that working in the frozen department makes me want to eat cheese so bad. Like come on, the 24-ounce cheese brick? The small, individually wrapped cheese snack bars? The amount of different kinds of cheese? ohohohohohoo i WILL have it all!!!

I Drank Ocean Water in Isle of Palms and All I Got Was This Stupid Header

I'd finally come downstairs for my morning coffee, which I soon discovered I wouldn't be having. My mother had put in several ice cubes in both the containers so that they'd melt and "improve the taste" of my coffee. Naturally I lost my head. "What did you DO?! I can't make my coffee like this!" "Calm down! It'll be fine!" "No it won't!! They're literally melting!" On and on, I went back and forth with her. I was so sick of arguing for no reason, so I just dumped all the wet, shitty grounds in the garbage - which my mom was mad about, shockingly enough - went upstairs, went back to bed and just passed back out.

*another comedically timed puke segue*

Assert Dominance by Shitting Loudly in Public Restrooms

THEY RESTOCKED THE PANTS!!!! YES!!!!!

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neat.

ouuhoiughhhh... my jOINts :(

Yeahg, those go-karts are jankier than I remember. Practically was huffing the exhaust fumes in the line for the karts and then fighting for my life trying to get my kart to stop bouncing and skidding accross the lanes cuz I felt like I was gonna flip over. Plus it nearly conked out twice in the middle of the track - in the middle of a bunch of speeding people bumping into eachother - and then straight died on the track when I was pulling in to the pit(?) at the end. I got to play some Skee-Ball afterwards though; got some shakes too on the way home. So basically all-around great.

The Alabama Handstand Song

HELP!!!! I'm being perceived!! Stop it now!!
Would you pretty please accept my lowball offer?
I don't shop, I Depop.
If this team beats USC (they will), boy I'm 'bout to... mm-mm. *shaking my head*

Part II: The Shittening

"Wassup everybody, It's Me, Ya Boi, back at it again with the Michael Jackson crop top..."
...And now, completely unexpected firing from my job of a year and a half.
Really tired of my nose spontaneously bleeding when I sneeze...
Buy a working dishwasher, you nut!

Warts: A Visual Guide

heh. nice.

This article is burly men unfolding umbrellas.   Maybe you should help it on its way.