Sorry I'm late, but the bus didn't

Sorry I'm late, but the bus didn't.

No, it did not....turn up. Well, it did, but not as a bus. It had grown feathers, had arms, and could potentially fly. When I lifted my hand out to stop it, it turned back into the 2007 Mercedes-Benz Citaro that it was meant to be. The doors opened...

"Can I have a return to..."

"to? Two?"

"No, no, I'm just thinking where."

"Where? Where is two? Two is not a place."

"City centre -- please! City centre!"

"Okay." the driver said.

"Two city centre? There is only one." he added.

"No, I am going to (a tee and an oh) the city centre." I said.

"Okay." he replied.

By this point, I completely forgot how I was going to pay. "Can I pay...by elephant please?"

I could not believe that I had just said that. My face turned crimson, all the other passengers smiled, but they knew deep down that I was completely thick. The bus company had just started to accept contactless payment, and I think, that was what I was trying to say.

But then, the driver vanished. These passengers, were wicked men. "More room for buggies", it said on the outside of the bus. I looked, and all three pushchairs were filled by 50-something men. They all looked wicked, but my ticket was there.

The bus pulled away -- to somewhere, the city centre, was it? I looked back, and realised, that I should have never got on the bus. The feathers were of suspicion, and I ought to have noted them. The bus just didn't.