Sunn O)))

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Contrary to popular belief, the band's name is not pronounced like "sun" or "Sun Oh": rather, it is properly pronounced as "Sunn O Close Parenthesis Close Parenthesis Close Parenthesis."

The following is a conversation taking place between two concertgoers at a Sunn O Close Parenthesis Close Parenthesis Close Parenthesis show.

1. "Dude, why in the world didn't you bring earplugs?"
2. "It's just another metal show, right? I've been to plenty myself, and my hearing's still pretty decent."
1. "Okay, but you do realize that this isn't your typical metal show, right?"
2. "That's what people said when I went to see Shining and GWAR, and they were sure as hell right!"
1. "Okay, but this is far more different than anything you've experienced. Ever."
2. "That also happens to be what somebody said to me at an Iron Maiden concert I went to a couple of years ago, and it was unreal."
1. "No no no, this show - right here, right now - is an entirely different beast altogether. I swear."
2. "Aaand that was what I was also told while standing in line to see Rammstein in New York."
1. "Wait... do you even know who we're all here to see perform in a few minutes?"
2. "Of course I know! It's Sunn O Close Parenthesis Close Parenthesis Close Parenthesis."
Person 1 gives Person 2 a look that could be interpreted as a mix of general confusion and "Are you effing kidding me right now?"
2. "What? Did I say it wrong?"
1. "Yes, you said it wrong, numbnuts! It's pronounced 'Sunn,' like that glowing ball of gas in the center of our solar system!"
2. "Oh. That's weird."
1. "Have you even listened to their music?"
2. "No, actually. A friend of mine suggested that I go see them live tonight."
1. "And did your friend also happen to tell you to bring earplugs to this show?"
2. "Yeah, but I shrugged it off. He's only been to one metal concert anyway, and he thinks that I very rarely go to metal shows, so he must've assumed that I'm not adjusted to the high volumes of metal shows and therefore needed earplugs. Can't blame him for being considerate, though."
1. "Alright, well, I got news for you: You. Need. Earplugs. Right now! They're giving them out for free by the merch stands closest to the exit."
2. "But this is a great spot that you and I are standing in!"
1. "Oh, I won't be standing here for long. I slowly make my way toward the back once they crank up the fog machines. Also, this band is LOUD AS F*CK. Maybe you didn't realize that."
2. "High on Fire was also super loud, and I didn't need earplugs."
1. "Ugh. Fine. Do you, man. But don't say I didn't warn you. If you wish to be spared from being deaf for the rest of your life, then, for the last time, do yourself a favor and get earplugs before it's too late."
The lights suddenly turn very dim, and ambient music starts to play. The crowd gives a mid-volume cheer.
2. "Is this what you all came here for? Ambient music?"
1. "Sunn opens all of their shows with this. Once Attila and the rest come out onstage, though, that's when you need to put those earplugs in. Get them now!"
2. "Y'know, I'm good. The worst that could happen is that I get ringing ears for a week."
The fog machines start working.
1. "This is literally your last chance, man! Get those earplugs!"
2. "I appreciate your concern, but I can manage without them."
Sunn O Close Parenthesis Close Parenthesis Close Parenthesis step out onto the stage. The crowd cheers.
1. "Your funeral, moron!"
Because the crowd was cheering, Person 2 thought that Person 1 said "Dark Funeral are on!" right before he disappeared into the crowd, but he was unsure.
2. "So, this is the loudest, heaviest band I've been told about? A couple of guys in black hooded robes with guitars?"
The hooded men pick up their guitars, lift the guitar straps over their head, and place them on their left shoulders.
2. "Where's the drummer?"
The hooded men lift their guitars pointed up into the air. The crowd becomes tense and fervently excited.
2. "Is this even a full band-"

Person 2.jpg
Person 2 after ignorantly neglecting to heed Person 1's advice.

In conclusion[edit]

Never leave your oven on overnight, kids, and stay away from those creepy men in black hooded robes.