The Bombing of Adelaide
“We're in a gulf, for Christ's sake!”
The Bombing of Adelaide was a terrorist attack that occurred on November 17th, 2014, in the city of Adelaide in South Australia, when it was hit by a series of dirty bombs, part nuclear, part biochemical. The bombs were dropped from a poorly constructed an oversized paper aeroplane at an altitude that was more than a four-year-old can count to. Those behind the attack are believed to be local activists (and possibly also extremists), who were outraged at the opening of a Krispy Kreme doughnut store in Gouger Street. The attackers sent an encrypted message to the Australian Government prior to the attack, which read "two in one year is too far", referring to the recent opening of the two Krispy Kreme stores in the city (the other one being in a suburb called Croydon).
Almost all of the city and inner suburbs were destroyed, albeit for a road-sign just outside the CBD which did a cartwheel to escape the carnage, a large chunk of reinforced concrete and the entire grounds of a high school that prevented the blast from coming near it by method of spanking and then telling it to stand in the corner.
The Australian Government has not issued a relief effort as of yet, as the public have been too preoccupied mumbling about how now they can't stop at the airport for a potty break when they decide to go on a holiday to Perth.
Since the attack, Australian authorities from other major cities began to shut down all the American retailers they could. Starbucks had completely lost all of it's stores in Australia within several hours. "The public broke in, drank the coffee and kicked over the cake stand" said Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz, who didn't care in the least that Adelaide was bombed because his business didn't have a branch there.
Tiffany and Co. have since ditched plans to open a second branch in the city's famed Rundle Mall, saying that it would "highly affect their reputation" and that it would be silly to open a jewellery store in a mall that isn't even there anymore.
Both Krispy Kreme stores were destroyed. The employees are currently looking for jobs elsewhere.
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This is never going to happen. Ever.