The Bucket List

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The following is the list of everything I would like to do before I die.
  1. To go Yeti hunting in the Himalayas
  2. To stand in a bucket
  3. To eat the world's biggest hamburger
  4. To consume a bucket
  5. To declare a priest wrong in terms of malpractice
  6. To eat giant pork hot dog obnoxiously in front of many Jewish people
  7. To go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting drunk
  8. To tell anorexics that you're hungry
  9. To bookmark a site about bookmark
  10. To start a charity in my name with no real purpose
  11. To teabag someone in real life
  12. To learn how to play the piccolo
  13. To start a Sunday School class and teach that God is Morgan Freeman'
  14. To actually find an instance where "your mom" is a clever thing to say DONE!
  15. Your mom (hey it worked!)
  16. To go to McDonald's in a Burger King costume
  17. To re-enact the A/C Transit Bus Fight video
  18. To remake Bambi with Steven Seagall as Bambi
  19. To learn Yiddish
  20. To get a nuke in a care package
  21. To bring a gun to a knife fight
  22. To watch one of those "Adopt-An-African-Child" commercials and not feel guilty for doing nothing
  23. To cause an unwanted abortion (preferably with the "Falcon Punch" method")
  24. To hold a nine-millimeter sideways declaring it a kill shot
  25. To mouth the words of the song on my iPod in public and not be ashamed
  26. To place ants in someone's headphones
  27. To put super glue on a toilet seat
  28. To do a heart transplant but instead of giving someone a new heart, I would insert a bowl of pudding
  29. To start to sing the song "Don't Stop Believin'" without everyone around me joining in
  30. To paint the White House black as if it were my residence
  31. To wear window shades and not being called a douchebag
  32. To join Will Smith in "getting jiggy with it"
  33. To eat cookie dough ice cream and not frantically search for the cookie parts
  34. To shake hands with Ben and Jerry and say, "You promote obesity"
  35. To grow and afro puffy enough to fit multiple pencils inside
  36. To not know over 1,000 digits of pi
  37. To find Waldo (no brainer)
  38. To not bring up the Revolutionary War in an England vs. America argument
  39. To rant about the Confederate flag in front of everyone in Mobile, Alabama
  40. To convince someone I was their daddy
  41. To impregnate every substitute teacher I get, regardless of sex, though I like it rough
  42. To not stare at the maternity catalog while at JC Penny
  43. To join straight-edge and abstinence fraternity
  44. To tell someone I was at a rock concert when I was actually just banging rocks together
  45. To join Aluminum Bárons²
  46. To eat just one Lays potato crisp chip
  47. To start smoking just to quit
  48. To bet one million dollars that a horse will win the Daytona 500
  49. To make a bucket list with over 100 50 things on it