The Bucket List

The following is the list of everything I would like to do before I die.

1. To go Yeti hunting in the Himalayas
2. To stand in a bucket
3. To eat the world's biggest hamburger
4. To consume a bucket
5. To declare a priest wrong in terms of malpractice
6. To eat giant pork hot dog obnoxiously in front of many Jewish people
7. To go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting drunk
8. To tell anorexics that you're hungry
9. To bookmark a site about bookmark
10. To start a charity in my name with no real purpose
11. To teabag someone in real life
12. To learn how to play the piccolo
13. To start a Sunday School class and teach that God is Morgan Freeman'
14. To actually find an instance where "your mom" is a clever thing to say DONE!
15. Your mom (hey it worked!)
16. To go to McDonald's in a Burger King costume
17. To re-enact the A/C Transit Bus Fight video
18. To remake Bambi with Steven Seagall as Bambi
19. To learn Yiddish
20. To get a nuke in a care package
21. To bring a gun to a knife fight
22. To watch one of those "Adopt-An-African-Child" commercials and not feel guilty for doing nothing
23. To cause an unwanted abortion (preferably with the "Falcon Punch" method")
24. To hold a nine-millimeter sideways declaring it a kill shot
25. To mouth the words of the song on my iPod in public and not be ashamed
26. To place ants in someone's headphones
27. To put super glue on a toilet seat
28. To do a heart transplant but instead of giving someone a new heart, I would insert a bowl of pudding
29. To start to sing the song "Don't Stop Believin'" without everyone around me joining in
30. To paint the White House black as if it were my residence
31. To wear window shades and not being called a douchebag
32. To join Will Smith in "getting jiggy with it"
33. To eat cookie dough ice cream and not frantically search for the cookie parts
34. To shake hands with Ben and Jerry and say, "You promote obesity"
35. To grow and afro puffy enough to fit multiple pencils inside
36. To not know over 1,000 digits of pi
37. To find Waldo (no brainer)
38. To not bring up the Revolutionary War in an England vs. America argument
39. To rant about the Confederate flag in front of everyone in Mobile, Alabama
40. To convince someone I was their daddy
41. To impregnate every substitute teacher I get, regardless of sex, though I like it rough
42. To not stare at the maternity catalog while at JC Penny
43. To join straight-edge and abstinence fraternity
44. To tell someone I was at a rock concert when I was actually just banging rocks together
45. To join Aluminum Bárons²
46. To eat just one Lays potato crisp chip
47. To start smoking just to quit
48. To bet one million dollars that a horse will win the Daytona 500
49. To make a bucket list with over 100 50 things on it