The Candle Was

The man is sitting on a chair, in a dark room, which is not just dark, but pitch black, so pitch black you can't even see.

He had only the candle.

There are no matches.

"Where is the light switch?" said he, as in the man.

The candle replied, "You see, there was this blonde...

The man choked on the glass of water he was drinking, keeled over and died.

And that's why hippopotamuses are orange.

...

Wait, what were we talking about?