The Quixotic Space Invasion

From Illogicopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

The Earth housed a great many windmills, spread across countries and continents. Not everyone liked windmills, though. And while Earthlings really didn't make that much of a fuss about it, not everyone took the matter so lightly. And that, as humanity would learn, is why The Quixotic Space Invasion took place.

Where did they come from, the mysterious flying machines? No one on Earth ever learned exactly where from. But they obviously had an aim, and could not be dissuaded from pursuing it. And they were unstoppable; no technology from Earth could deter them.

Grist for a greater mill[edit | edit source]

One day, a windmill was suddenly reduced to fine-grained rubble when a beam, sent down through the air, ground it down. The next day, around the time that news of the event was spreading, the same thing happened to another windmill – and another, and still more; before the day had come to an end, hundreds of windmills had been destroyed, as if they had become grist for a greater mill. It didn't stop there. Over the course of a week, all the windmills on Earth were destroyed. Left in the place where each had stood was merely the rubble, exquisitely fine-ground rubble.

No one on Earth knew what kind of technology could produce such fine-ground windmill flour from windmills. It was a mystery, and became a main focus of debate during discussions about the curious turn of events. Nothing else had been attacked, and human civilization otherwise remained unharmed. All attempts at contact with the invaders were ignored; they simply did their thing and then left, for the time being. But they kept an eye on Earth, and on its inhabitants.

Diplomatic patience grinds down[edit | edit source]

Some foolhardy people were quick to try to rebuild windmills, but not long after the first new ones had sprung up, a visitor from elsewhere suddenly descended from the skies, and fired, and the new mill was ground down, too. This story kept repeating itself over the space of a few months; all attempts at discussion with the mysterious visitors failing, it seemed as if humanity was, for the time being, practically barred from constructing and operating any windmills.

Over the course of a few months, patience wore thin in parts of the world. While most nations stuck to a policy of caution above all else, a few launched larger counterattacks in response to seeing their new windmills being targeted and destroyed – but to no avail, for all measures were evaded with ease; the invaders simply dodged everything sent their way.

Grim resignation slowly began to spread across the world. Maybe humanity would never again be able to operate any windmills?

Ground mill? Yummy![edit | edit source]

The next year, when new visitors from space arrived, they were initially believed to be among the invaders, to be new forces from the same side – but it turned out such was not the case. These new visitors instead initiated contact with every government on Earth for the purpose of negotiating trade agreements. They, it turned out, were onlookers who highly prized the new resource which Earth had come to sport, that of ground mills – exquisitely fine-ground mills. Apparently, it was a delicacy in parts of the galaxy, and perhaps even a luxurious one.

The earlier and more destructive type of visitor had apparently been a roving band of crusaders, always on the watch for the presence of windmills anywhere within their galactic sphere of influence. Whenever they learn that such exist, and wherever they find them to exist, they visit – to destroy. Whenever they can – and they are highly capable, and strive to maintain great readiness – they destroy windmills. The picture becoming clearer to humanity, the great quixotic quest of these visitors soon began to seem unfathomable in its full scope and nature.

While information on all these things seemed to be given freely by the new, mercantile visitors, they obviously had an agenda of their own. Having closed business deals across the world, they then used their ships to beam up the highly sought-after ground mill left in the wake of the destruction. Earth was left with no traces of the windmills. No means of fully preventing similar events in the future had been offered, but at least humanity got something out of the bargain. In place of the materials scooped up, a type of lightweight and strong building material new to Earthlings was left in place of the stuff taken. It seemed like a nice bargain.

Going around the issue[edit | edit source]

On closer examination, the lightweight nature of these materials obviously meant that less matter had been offered in return for more, and scientists speculated that something really cheap had been handed over in return for something which was, to the new visitors, really expensive.

Nevertheless, it certainly wasn't all bad. The new materials could be used to build all kinds of things, even windmills. "What if those are also attacked?" people wondered. "Don't worry, they are resistant to those beams." People were assured that, if all windmills were henceforth built using this new material, something similar would not happen again. But would the supply be enough to cover Earth's needs? "No worries," people were assured, "should it be too little, just build more of your older windmills, and we will trade again soon after." These merchants were looking forwards to further trade and acquiring more rubble.

Some skeptical observers wondered why humanity was given even as much as it was. "Why do you offer materials for resistant windmills if you really want more ground-up windmills?" The answer from the traders was obvious, really. "This kind of building material isn't tasty, it freakin' sucks to eat."