Totally Whack Rhymes For The Average Fool

You need rhymes, son. No other brother out there is gonna sing for you, man. And your rhymes don't cut it, I know it cause you're intrigued to see mine. So, embrace the whack fool! And share these rhymes at any Bar Mitzvah, Christening, best man speech or even just to confuse your fellow brother. Notes: When you perform these rhymes, stick on some royalty free beats, enjoy a drink of your choice (I recommend something cool to reflect your totally whack personality). And remember to channel your best Mr T, as he knows to keep it PG and you should always respect your mother, son. One more thing. If you aint got rhymes, you aint got fly. Alright, use these rhymes as you wish. You may record them and send them to your nearest Dr Dre studio and have him marvel at your expertise. Maybe he will even mention you in a status update or something. Who knows...? The world is your burger and chips. Let's dive into it -

When you wanna start off, make sure you start with something awe inspiring. Something other than, 'Yeh, yeh, okay here we go'. So I offer this piece of a gem. Wham! -

"ill give you an offer price, warning device, before you dice with death, let me tell you this,"

Some man, maybe your friend or even your pet dog, may have fallen out of bed one night. It's surprising how often this one comes up. So play it like this:

"alarm clock, put his sock on, then the worst began,

dentation, vexation, carnation, not of this world,

came down with a bump, racket, crash land, fragments,

regrets aplenty, thought he had all the time with his wife..." -

This next one is for calling someone stupid. Don't outright call 'em stupid. That's too easy. Instead, imply it with some word play and pretend you're not as smart as them. Then laugh at them as they give you the contents of their wallet -

"...use your brain, don’t feign any intelligence,

sometimes the strain

instead of thought of train brings out

what should remain..."

Okay, so now you are a rap genius. Go out there and kill it. That's a phrase in the business, not a call for your to murder someone. If you did that, you wouldn't be a very good rapper then, would you? Cause everyone knows that a rapper is nothing without a family home, some money to spend and a Robin Reliant. Yeah, you won't look like a rapper with a Ferarri. Just a rich fool. Don't be a fool. I've been your tutor. Enjoy your riches, and remember, treat yo' momma rrrright!