Trained professionals

A trained professional is someone who has a job and is either on or under a train.

Instructions on how to train a professional

1. Find yourself a professional. Anyone who has a job will do nicely. Amateurs won't work. An amateur is someone who does the same work as a professional only he or she doesn't get paid money for it. Your dad is probably a professional. (or maybe someone else's dad, but only on Thursdays)
2. Find yourself a train. Good places to find trains include near train tracks, at train stations and not in my bathtub. An advanced hypnotist may be able to summon a train out of a television program.
3. Put the professional on the train. This may involve buying the professional a ticket (you may try getting him or her to buy it for you with some of the money they have gotten from being professional) buying the professional a ticket online, stealing the professional a ticket and using the internet to download someone else's ticket on a peer to peer file sharing network. You may also decide to skip the ticket buying stage and stow away the professional onboard the train somehow.
4. If the professional doesn't want to board the train, get some rope and tie him or her to the tracks. In this eventuality, you can still get a trained professional by literally training him or her with an actual train.