Under the Crab Therapy

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Under the Crab Therapy is a professional therapy technique developed by expert therapists at several top universities. Under the Crab Therapy involves the patient telling the therapist his deepest problems; the therapist responds by screaming "UNDER THE CRAB!!!" and banging his fist on a table. Under the Crab therapy has been proven to be 88% effective in rehabilitating patients suffering from post traumatic stress; it has also proven effective in helping people with relationship issues and anxiety.

It takes years of rigorous training to become an Under the Crab Therapist. Under the Crab Therapists must demonstrate the ability to say "Under the Crab" to at least 7 patients without making any mistakes (such as the fairly common mistake of saying "Under the Lobster," which over 50% of test-takers do).

Having a therapist say "Under the Crab" to you can truly be a life-changing experience, and has helped many people deal with their deepest emotional issues. Of course, the technique does bring to mind one major question: Under what kind of crab? A crab as in a crustacean, or a crab as in the sexually transmitted pubic louse? Most experts agree that "The type of crab we refer to depends on the severity of the case."