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Grown from a seed in 1993 he always exhibited signs of malevolence. When only 25 minutes old he burned the hospital he was grown in to the ground killing a total of 97 people. He avoided prosecution by fleeing to the magical realm known only as 'The Garden' to which he quickly seized power in a 'pollen-less' coup; his view being that 'every grain of pollen spilled is a loss and a waste'. Between the years 1993-1998 he ruled 'The Garden' with an iron fist and executed over 4,000,000 political dissidents, most of whom were Daffodils, in order to retain his power. The most defining and infamous event in his rule was the uprooting of well over 40,000 Tulips on the morning of 14th May 1997 because he accidentally knocked down his Lego tower. It has been said that many of the Tulips were fed to various savage insects.

Towards the end of his tyrannical rule his actions became increasingly erratic and would often burn down entire forests seemingly for no reason at all. It was on 29th November 1998 at 8:32am that he released a vast quantity of herbicide into the atmosphere of 'The Garden'. The subsequent spreading of the chemical throughout his realm killed all of his former citizens; he himself fled to the United Kingdom to escape the bad press.

His time in the United Kingdom was fairly fruitful. He engaged in certain nefarious deeds such as: stealing candy from well over 6,000 children, raining on 839 parades (mostly flower-related) and launching a genocidal campaign against 'The Borrowers' and the characters of 'Fern Gully'.

In 2004 he made an impassioned speech to the United Nations on an invasion of the Land Oz. His speech is as follows:

"Statesmen and Women of the United Nations; I come before you today with the greatest humility and fear. It appears that an old enemy has reared its ugly head once more. The Munchkins, ladies and gentlemen, pose a grave threat to the future of our civilisation. I have received information from my benefactors that satellite imaging of 'The Merry Old Land of Oz' shows vast industrial sites that are suspected of being used for uranium enrichment in the hopes of obtaining nuclear weaponry. The only possible conclusion is that the Munchkins are planning an assault on Earth never before seen. Our only option is to invade and enslave these foul beasts in the hopes that we can prevent this nightmare. I had a vision the other day. A vision that our society was brought to its knees by this menace from afar; savages that seek to destroy all that we have wrought. Well I beseech thee to prevent this vision from becoming a reality. Invade Oz; and enslave the demons that seek to purge all that we have built!"

The speech was accepted with thunderous applause and the invasion began on 5th September 2005. The campaign continues to this day as the Munchkins are fighting a fierce guerilla war in defence of their homeland.

On 23rd October 2007 he died from an accidental overdose of Oreo's, to which he had developed an addiction in 2001 after his visit to the Glastonbury Festival. It is said by conspiracy theorists and psychologists that this death was of little significance as he had mastered the art of astral projection and now inhabits the world in a spectral form. Often engaging in possessions because he 'likes the feeling of a good, old fashioned exorcism'.

Obvious Truths[edit]

He is terrified of snails. He bathes in foie gras. He possesses a zealous hatred for the Munchkins. He is a crazed fan of Sister Sledge. He owns the John Lewis department store. He is thought to have been grown from the seed of the Narcissus flower. He has tried and failed to kill Batman 4 times. He tried to spark a nuclear war in 1973. 20 years before he was grown. He duelled Voldemort and won. He invented light, the cushion, shampoo, the trans-dimensional warp jetski and the question mark. He speaks to cats. Or do cats speak to him? He bought a small Caribbean nation but lost it when playing Blackjack. He is a yo-yo dieter. He is a single mother. He solved the energy crisis but doesn't feel like sharing the secret. He is in correspondance with 'Balafalafa'. He spent a month in the desert and communed with the lizard king. He killed a missionary in Burma. He got into a bar fight with E.T.