IllogiGames:Celestial Pirates/Source
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CURRENT SOURCE AS OF 12 July 2014
<!-- **************************************************************** -->
<!-- General defs -->
<!-- **************************************************************** -->
#define .TITLE The Celestial Pirates <small>''Captain Rant and the Waterspout''</small>
<!-- **************************************************************** -->
#defbegin .DUMMY
''You have fallen through a hole in the air.''
''This room does not exist.''
''There are no exits from the room.''
* [[Special:Random|Go through a wall]]
* {{Goto|0|Start over}}
[[Category:Captain Rant]]
#defend
<!-- **************************************************************** -->
#defbegin .INVEN(&a)
[[../01-Inventory-.ILIST(&a)|''Take Inventory'']]
[[Category:Captain Rant]]
#defend
<!-- **************************************************************** -->
#define .NOINVENTORY [[Category:Captain Rant]]
<!-- **************************************************************** -->
#defbegin .LOSE
'''''You have died.'''''
What would you like to do now?
* {{Goto|0|Start over}}
* '''Take that last turn over''' -- That's what the 'back' button is for
* [[Special:Random|Go someplace else, this is boring]]
* [[Illogigames|Check to see if there are any (other?) worthwhile games on this site]]
[[Category:Captain Rant]]
#defend
<!-- **************************************************************** -->
<!-- Macro to select a fixed, but random, outlet based on two arguments
which should be desert maze room number and one of four directions.
Both must be numeric.
Note that this is a FRAGMENT of a conditional. It should be preceded by an unclosed 'if'.
This allows other conditions to override this without requiring nested if's, which
we don't currently have.
-->
#defbegin .MAZECHOOSE(&r,&d,&tag)
#if (&scramble(&r * 2053) + &scramble(&d * 113) % 13 == 0)
* [[../Desert-maze-0-X|&tag]]
#elseif (&scramble(&r * 2053) + &scramble(&d * 113) % 13 == 1)
* [[../Desert-maze-1-X|&tag]]
#elseif (&scramble(&r * 2053) + &scramble(&d * 113) % 13 == 2)
* [[../Desert-maze-2-X|&tag]]
#elseif (&scramble(&r * 2053) + &scramble(&d * 113) % 13 == 3)
* [[../Desert-maze-3-X|&tag]]
#elseif (&scramble(&r * 2053) + &scramble(&d * 113) % 13 == 4)
* [[../Desert-maze-4-X|&tag]]
#elseif (&scramble(&r * 2053) + &scramble(&d * 113) % 13 == 5)
* [[../Desert-maze-5-X|&tag]]
#elseif (&scramble(&r * 2053) + &scramble(&d * 113) % 13 == 6)
* [[../Desert-maze-6-X|&tag]]
#elseif (&scramble(&r * 2053) + &scramble(&d * 113) % 13 == 7)
* [[../Desert-maze-7-X|&tag]]
#elseif (&scramble(&r * 2053) + &scramble(&d * 113) % 13 == 8)
* [[../Desert-maze-8-X|&tag]]
#elseif (&scramble(&r * 2053) + &scramble(&d * 113) % 13 == 9)
* [[../Desert-maze-9-X|&tag]]
#elseif (&scramble(&r * 2053) + &scramble(&d * 113) % 13 == 10)
* [[../Desert-maze-10-X|&tag]]
#elseif (&scramble(&r * 2053) + &scramble(&d * 113) % 13 == 11)
* [[../Desert-maze-11-X|&tag]]
#elseif (&scramble(&r * 2053) + &scramble(&d * 113) % 13 == 12)
* [[../Desert-maze-12-X|&tag]]
#elseif (&scramble(&r * 2053) + &scramble(&d * 113) % 13 == 13)
* [[../Desert-maze-13-X|&tag]]
#elseif (&scramble(&r * 2053) + &scramble(&d * 113) % 13 == 14)
* [[../Desert-maze-14-X|&tag]]
#elseif (&scramble(&r * 2053) + &scramble(&d * 113) % 13 == 15)
* [[../Desert-maze-15-X|&tag]]
#elseif (&scramble(&r * 2053) + &scramble(&d * 113) % 13 == 16)
* [[../Desert-maze-16-X|&tag]]
#else
.ERROR
#endif
#defend
<!-- ****************************************************************
The macro for building the horrible desert maze
**************************************************************** -->
#defbegin .DESERT_MAZE(&rn)
X=.TOWN_P2_C0
Desert-maze-&rn-X
''(Evil desert maze)''
Everything is shimmering in the heat. This looks just like everyplace else you've been in this Godforsaken desert.
#if (&rn == 0)
There is a large, nasty looking suarvo cactus here, glaring down at you. It seems to be bending over you, inspecting you from all sides. It doesn't look at all happy that you're here.
#elseif (&rn == 2)
You see a roadrunner skittering off into the distance.
#elseif (&rn == 4)
A gila monster peers at you from under a rock, daring you to pick it up.
#elseif (&rn == 6)
There's what looks like a dry streambed here. It's hard to believe there was ''ever'' any water in it, though. You'd like to follow it, just in case it goes somewhere, but it vanishes into the sand after a few yards.
#elseif (&rn == 8)
You thought you saw an actual cloud in the sky for a moment, but it was just a floating spec in front of your dazzled eyes.
#elseif (&rn == 10)
There's a city, up ahead! You're found! But wait -- it's ''upside down!'' (I guess that's just a mirage...)
#elseif (&rn == 12)
For a moment you're sure you hear the cry of seagulls, but it's just your roasted ears playing tricks.
#elseif (&rn == 11)
Abraham Lincoln strides out of the haze, glares down at you from his 6 foot 6 height, and says,
"You look lost! You need help! To fnurdle your icecream you need to go neitherwards!" He then vanishes with a faint popping sound.
#elseif (&rn == 9)
But wait, there's something different -- there's a well here! Or.... no there isn't. As you approach it, it shimmers and fades away, leaving nothing but sand.
#elseif (&rn == 7)
A sunbathing sidewinder winds sideways away behind some rocks when you come near. (Hard to believe anything would sunbath in this heat.)
#elseif (&rn == 5)
Daffy Duck pops up from behind a rock, laughs hysterically, dances on your head for a moment, and runs behind you. When you turn around to see where he's going, he's not there.
#endif
You are hopelessly lost. You will ''never'' find your way out.
What would you like to do now?
#if (&rn == 4)
* [[../Desert-get-gila-monster-T|Pick up the gila monster]]
#endif
* {{Goto|{{TheStenchChoose|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-3-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-5-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-7-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-9-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-11-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-1-X)
}}|Wander aimlessly in circles}}
#if (&rn == 11)
* [[../Desert-maze-apparition-X|Go north]]
#elseif (&rn == [3,5,7,9])
* [[../Desert-maze-11-X|Go north]]
#else
.MAZECHOOSE(&rn,1,Go north)
#endif
.MAZECHOOSE(&rn,5,Go northeast)
#if (&rn == [2,6])
* [[../Desert-maze-apparition-X|Go east]]
#else
.MAZECHOOSE(&rn,3,Go east)
#endif
.MAZECHOOSE(&rn,6,Go southeast)
#if (&rn == [11])
* [[../Desert-maze-9-X|Go south]]
#elseif (&rn == [9])
* [[../Desert-maze-7-X|Go south]]
#elseif (&rn == [7])
* [[../Desert-maze-5-X|Go south]]
#elseif (&rn == [3])
* [[../Desert-maze-1-X|Go south]]
#else
.MAZECHOOSE(&rn,2,Go south)
#endif
.MAZECHOOSE(&rn,7,Go southwest)
#if (&rn == [5,7])
* [[../Desert-maze-well-X|Go west]]
#elseif (&rn == 1)
* [[../Desert-maze-entrance-X|Go west]]
#else
.MAZECHOOSE(&rn,4,Go west)
#endif
.MAZECHOOSE(&rn,8,Go northwest)
* {{Goto|0|Give up and start over}}
.INVEN(X)
#defend
<!-- **************************************************************** -->
<!-- States and related stuff -->
<!-- **************************************************************** -->
#state(%0)
h:You are nattily dressed, in comfortable but roomy canvas duck pants (which you got directly from the duck who made them), a shirt which might have been plaid when it was younger and cleaner, a sort of cummerbund affair which keeps your pants in place, and a cute little hunk of rope which keeps the cummerbund in place. Of course, you always dress nattily. In fact, you have been wearing the same natty clothes since some time last year, when you replaced your not so natty belt with a piece of manila rope, which is, on the whole, quite a bit less likely to break at an unexpected moment, thus spilling your rather spiffy though somewhat rusted cutlass on the floor and causing no end of trouble depending on what you're doing at that moment.
You are not carrying anything (save a great heap of pocket lint, and possibly a few oddments mixed in with the lint. ''Something's'' been wiggling at odd moments in your back left pocket, which suggests there is probably something there besides the lint.)<br>
#endstate
<!-- Same as start state but you've been here for a while -->
#state(%1,%0)
#endstate
<!-- Same as start state but there's a hole in the road -->
#state(%Hole,%0)
#endstate
<!-- When you acquire the envelope from the dolphin -->
#state(%Env,%0)
h:You are nattily dressed, in comfortable but roomy canvas duck pants (which you got directly from the duck who made them), a shirt which might have been plaid when it was younger and cleaner, a sort of cummerbund affair which keeps your pants in place, and a cute little hunk of rope which keeps the cummerbund in place. Of course, you always dress nattily. In fact, you have been wearing the same natty clothes since some time last year, when you replaced your not so natty belt with a piece of manila rope, which is, on the whole, quite a bit less likely to break at an unexpected moment, thus spilling your rather spiffy though somewhat rusted cutlass on the floor and causing no end of trouble depending on what you're doing at that moment.
You also have:<br>
+:* [[../Inven-envelope-1|A fat envelope]]
+:* [[../Inven-lint-1|A quantity of pocket lint]]
+:* [[../Inven-mouse-1|Something crawling around in the lint]]
#endstate
#state(%H_Env,%Env)
#endstate
#state(%Pass,%Env)
+:* [[../Inven-passport-1|A passport]]
+:* [[../Inven-canteen-1|A canteen with some water in it]]
#endstate
#state(%H_Pass,%Pass)
#endstate
#state(%Comp,%Pass)
+:* [[../Inven-compass-1|A compass]]
#endstate
#state(%H_Comp,%Comp)
#endstate
<!-- Add the closed kit to the 'compass' state (this has everything we've found so far on the inventory list) -->
<!-- We start with this, then delete things for "smaller" states, because the order comes out right that way -->
<!-- This has the envelope, passport, and compass in addition to the kit -->
#state(%C_KitC,%Comp)
+:* [[../Inven-kitc-1|A canvas duffel bag]]
#endstate
#state(%H_C_KitC,%C_KitC)
#endstate
<!-- Open kit with everything -->
#state(%C_KitO,%C_KitC)
-:* [[../Inven-kitc-1|A canvas duffel bag]]
+:* [[../Inven-kito-1|A canvas duffel bag, which contains:]]
+:* [[../Inven-clothing-1|Miscellaneous clothing]]
+:* [[../Inven-sandwich-1|A sandwich]]
+:* [[../Inven-knife-1|A clasp knife]]
+:* [[../Inven-marlinspike-1|A marlinspike (whatever ''that'' is)]]
+:* [[../Inven-magazine-1|A magazine]]
+:* [[../Inven-book-1|A book]]
+:* [[../Inven-water-wings-1|A pair of water wings]]
#endstate
#state(%H_C_KitO,%C_KitO)
#endstate
<!-- Kit without compass: Has envelope and passport -->
<!-- We delete the compass -->
#state(%P_KitC,%C_KitC)
-:* [[../Inven-compass-1|A compass]]
#endstate
#state(%H_P_KitC,%P_KitC)
#endstate
#state(%P_KitO,%C_KitO)
-:* [[../Inven-compass-1|A compass]]
#endstate
#state(%H_P_KitO,%P_KitO)
#endstate
<!-- Kit with envelope: It's a kit without passport -- delete the passport from the P version -->
#state(%E_KitC,%P_KitC)
-:* [[../Inven-passport-1|A passport]]
#endstate
#state(%H_E_KitC,%E_KitC)
#endstate
#state(%E_KitO,%P_KitO)
-:* [[../Inven-passport-1|A passport]]
#endstate
#state(%H_E_KitO,%E_KitO)
#endstate
<!-- Kit without envelope -- it's got nuthin -->
#state(%KitC,%E_KitC)
-:* [[../Inven-envelope-1|A fat envelope]]
#endstate
#state(%H_KitC,%KitC)
#endstate
#state(%KitO,%E_KitO)
-:* [[../Inven-envelope-1|A fat envelope]]
#endstate
#state(%H_KitO,%KitO)
#endstate
<!-- **************************************************************** -->
<!-- Note that none of these include the start state -->
<!-- H0,E0 => No hole, No envelope, respectively.
H1,E1 => We *may* have a hole or envelope. We leave these out.
H2,E2 => We *do* have a hole or envelope, respectively.
H=hole, E=envelope, P=passport, C=compass, Kc=Kit-closed, Ko=Kit-open
Dependencies:
Anywhere but on the boat you can have Ko but not Kc, 'cause you have to open it to get ashore
C => P & E
P => E
The hole is independent
The kit is independent, unfortunately
Many or most of these combinations may never be used and should, perhaps, be deleted.
In particular nearly all the combinations which specifically set the kit state won't be used.
-->
<!-- Unused tags
#define .TOWN_E0_H0_K0 %1
#define .TOWN_H0_K0 %1,%Env,%Pass,%Comp
#define .TOWN_H0_P0_K0 %1,%Env
#define .TOWN_E0_K0 %1,%Hole
#define .TOWN_E2_P0_K0 %Env,%H_Env
#define .TOWN_E2_C0_K0 %Env,%H_Env,%Pass,%H_Pass
#define .TOWN_E2_K0 %Env,%H_Env,%Pass,%H_Pass,%Comp,%H_Comp
#define .TOWN_H2_K0 %Hole,%H_Env,%H_Pass,%H_Comp
#define .TOWN_H2_C2_K0 %H_Comp
#define .TOWN_H2_P0_K0 %Hole,%H_Env
#define .TOWN_H0_P2_K0 %Pass
#define .TOWN_H2_P2_K0 %H_Pass
#define .TOWN_H0_C2_K0 %Comp
#define .TOWN_P2_C0_K0 %Pass,%H_Pass
#define .TOWN_P2_K0 %Pass,%H_Pass,%Comp,%H_Comp
#define .TOWN_C2_K0 %Comp,%H_Comp
#define .TOWN_E0_H0 %1,%KitO
#define .TOWN_H0_P0 %1,%Env,%KitO,%E_KitO
#define .TOWN_E2_C0 %Env,%H_Env,%Pass,%H_Pass,%E_KitO,%H_E_KitO,%P_KitO,%H_P_KitO
#define .TOWN_H2_P0 %Hole,%H_Env,%H_KitO,%H_E_KitO
#define .TOWN_H0_P2 %Pass,%P_KitO
#define .TOWN_H2_P2 %H_Pass,%H_P_KitO
#define .TOWN_H0_C2 %Comp,%C_KitO
#define .TOWN_H2_C2 %H_Comp,%H_C_KitO
-->
#define .TOWN_H0 %1,%Env,%Pass,%Comp,%KitO,%E_KitO,%P_KitO,%C_KitO
#define .TOWN_E0 %1,%Hole,%KitO,%H_KitO
#define .TOWN_E2_P0 %Env,%H_Env,%E_KitO,%H_E_KitO
#define .TOWN_E2 %Env,%H_Env,%Pass,%H_Pass,%Comp,%H_Comp,%E_KitO,%H_E_KitO,%P_KitO,%H_P_KitO,%C_KitO,%H_C_KitO
#define .TOWN_H2_E2_P0 %H_Env,%H_E_KitO
#define .TOWN_H2_E2 %H_Env,%H_Pass,%H_Comp,%H_E_KitO,%H_P_KitO,%H_C_KitO
#define .TOWN_H2_C2 %H_Comp,%H_C_KitO
#define .TOWN_H2_C2_K2 %H_C_KitO
#define .TOWN_H2_P2_K2 %H_P_KitO,%H_C_KitO
#define .TOWN_H2_P2_C0_K2 %H_P_KitO
#define .TOWN_H2_P0 %Hole,%H_Env,%H_KitO,%H_E_KitO
#define .TOWN_H2 %Hole,%H_Env,%H_Pass,%H_Comp,%H_KitO,%H_E_KitO,%H_P_KitO,%H_C_KitO
#define .TOWN_P2_C0 %Pass,%H_Pass,%P_KitO,%H_P_KitO
#define .TOWN_P2_K2 %P_KitO,%H_P_KitO,%C_KitO,%H_C_KitO
#define .TOWN_P2 %Pass,%H_Pass,%Comp,%H_Comp,%P_KitO,%H_P_KitO,%C_KitO,%H_C_KitO
#define .TOWN_C2 %Comp,%H_Comp,%C_KitO,%H_C_KitO
#define .TOWN_K0 %1,%Hole,%Env,%H_Env,%Pass,%H_Pass,%Comp,%H_Comp
#define .TOWN_K2 %KitO,%H_KitO,%E_KitO,%H_E_KitO,%P_KitO,%H_P_KitO,%C_KitO,%H_C_KitO
#define .TOWN_Kc2 %KitC,%H_KitC,%E_KitC,%H_E_KitC,%P_KitC,%H_P_KitC,%C_KitC,%H_C_KitC
#define .TOWN_ANY %1,%Hole,%Env,%H_Env,%Pass,%H_Pass,%Comp,%H_Comp,%KitO,%H_KitO,%E_KitO,%H_E_KitO,%P_KitO,%H_P_KitO,%C_KitO,%H_C_KitO
<!-- **************************************************************** -->
<!-- Room definitions -->
<!-- **************************************************************** -->
================================================================
X=%0,.TOWN_ANY; Q=%1,.TOWN_ANY
000-Start-X
[[file:Flying-eel.png|right|300px]]
''(Outside saloon)''
#if (X=%0)
You have just arrived in town, on the morning train. You undoubtedly had a good reason for coming here, but now that you've seen the town you're no longer sure what that reason might have been. You have no money, nor anything else aside from the clothes you're standing up in.
#endif
You are standing in the road in front of a saloon. The road is dirt, with ruts running north and south and off into the ditches and pretty much wherever they feel like running. It's raining dust.
#if (X=[.TOWN_H2])
There is a hole in the road here.
#endif
What would you like to do?
#if (Q=[.TOWN_E0])
* [[../Start-saloon-Q|Go into the saloon]]
#endif
* [[../Town-north-0-Q|Head north]] You've heard there's a desert north of town.<!--Go find Oliver?-->
* [[../Town-south-Q|Head south toward the harbor]]
#if (X=[.TOWN_H2])
* [[../Subway-tunnel-on-train-Q|Jump into the hole]]
#else
* [[../Start-dig-Q|Dig a hole in the road]]
#endif
* [[../Start-stop-ruts-T|Stop those ruts from their running]]
* [[../Start-follow-ruts-Q|Follow the ruts, see where they're running off to]]
* [[../Start-raise-umbrella-Q|Raise your umbrella]]
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
Inven-kitc-1
<!-- Description of the bag -->
It's a large blue canvas duffel bag of the sort used by sailors to hold their dirty laundry. It's stuffed with something, but you have no idea what. The end is held shut with a drawstring, which is knotted to keep it from opening.
.NOINVENTORY
================================================================
Inven-kito-1
<!-- Description of the bag -->
It's a large blue canvas duffel bag of the sort used by sailors to hold their dirty laundry. It's got a bunch of stuff in it. There's a drawstring on the end, but it's loose so you can get stuff out.
There's some lettering stenciled on the bag, which says "FnurdleCo Magic Duffel Bag -- Keeps Your Stuff Dry, No Matter What!"
.NOINVENTORY
================================================================
Inven-clothing-1
<!-- Description of the clothes -->
Sailor's suit, cap, hip boots, a pea jacket,<ref>Yes, there is such a thing. So look it up already.</ref> a scarf, a poncho, a pair of socks with holes so your toes can look out, and a belt to replace the hunk of rope you're wearing (if you feel like it). No clean underwear, unfortunately.
.NOINVENTORY
<hr>
{{reflist}}
================================================================
Inven-sandwich-1
<!-- Description of the sandwich -->
It's a ham and cheese sandwich with mayo on light rye. It was stuffed into one of the pockets of the jacket. You have no idea how old it is.
.NOINVENTORY
================================================================
Inven-knife-1
<!-- Description of the clasp knife -->
It's a sailor's clasp knife.<ref>Whatever ''that'' is.</ref>
.NOINVENTORY
<hr>
{{reflist}}
================================================================
Inven-marlinspike-1
<!-- Description of the -->
It's a marlinspike.<ref>What?? Don't be silly, it has nothing to do with marlin! Do you ''really'' not know what a marlinspike is? Go look it up! Wikipedia undoubtedly has more to say about marlinspikes than you could possibly want to know.</ref> It's the folding kind, that you can comfortably carry in your pocket.
.NOINVENTORY
<hr>
{{reflist}}
================================================================
Inven-magazine-1
<!-- Description of the magazine -->
The magazine seems to be called "Fish". The date on it is from some time last year.
When you leaf through it, it appears that it's about fish.
.NOINVENTORY
================================================================
Inven-book-1
<!-- Description of the book -->
It's "Knots" by Clifford Ashley. A bit heavy to be lugging around, but possibly useful (as a weapon if nothing else).
.NOINVENTORY
================================================================
Inven-water-wings-1
<!-- Description of the water wings -->
They're bright red inflatable water wings, with a swirly blue design of octopuses printed on them. They also say, in large swirly letters, "FnurdleCo Magic Unsinkable Shark-Repelling Water Wings" and, in fine print, "Made in Australia"f
.NOINVENTORY
================================================================
Inven-passport-1
<!-- Description of the passport -->
You are carrying Oliver North's passport.
It's current, and the picture doesn't look all that different from you (aside from the length and color of your hair, color of your eyes, shape of your nose, size of your ears, height, cleanliness, smell, and minor stuff like that).
What's more, it's a ''diplomatic'' passport, which means that even if the picture doesn't look anything like you, there's ''nothing anybody can do about it'', because you're now a <u>diplomat</u>. Isn't that just totally cool?
.NOINVENTORY
================================================================
Inven-canteen-1
<!-- Description of the canteen -->
You have a rather large metal canteen, with a canvas case and carrying strap. It's about half full of tepid water. You got it from a hallucination in the desert north of town.
Emblazoned on the front is "Genuine FnurdleCo Canteen -- Capacity 1 Fnoodle"
.NOINVENTORY
================================================================
Inven-compass-1
It's a very pretty little thing, about three inches across, bound in brass and with a hinged brass lid. It's filled with some liquid so the card comes to rest almost immediately when you open it up. On the back it says "FnurdleCo Purveyors of Fine Surveying Instruments".
.NOINVENTORY
================================================================
Inven-envelope-1
<!-- Description of the envelope -->
It's a standard size pay envelope, made of manila paper. The end is folded over and held with a clip.
When you open the clip and look inside, you see that there are a number of bills, a handful of coins, and a folded sheet of paper. The bills and coins are in various denominations and currencies. There are a few pieces of eight, a doubloon, two zorkmids, a Krugerrand, and some coins you've never seen before. The bills are mostly strange looking, with printing in languages you don't know and weird pictures.
You have to wonder about this employer -- who has such an eclectic bunch of cash on hand? (But then, the fact that the recruiter is a dolphin might have tipped you off that something was a little fishy here.)
The sheet of paper is a letter, written in a nearly illegible scrawl. It appears to say,
<!-- A wiki table seemed to break the select parsing -->
<table>
<tr>
<td>
</td>
<td>
<table style="border:2px solid;">
<tr>
<td>
</td>
<td>
Hay capn,
This hear dood iz u gud dood giv hm th jb.
Charlie
</td>
<td>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
.NOINVENTORY
================================================================
Inven-lint-1
<!-- Description of the pocket lint -->
It's pocket lint. Varied colors, little bits of snargled up thread and fuzz. Perhaps a half a cup.
.NOINVENTORY
================================================================
Inven-mouse-1
<!-- Description of the mouse in the lint -->
You occasionally feel something wiggling in your pockets, mixed in with the lint. You haven't seen anything, but you suspect it's some small animal; perhaps it's a mouse, or a large cockroach.
.NOINVENTORY
================================================================
X=.TOWN_E0
Start-saloon-X
''(In the saloon)''
[[file:Kodiak-bartender.jpg|thumb|230px|''The bartender does not look friendly.'']]
You walk into the saloon. The bartender, who is about as big and hairy as a Kodiak bear, glares at you as you come through the double doors.
The other patrons, if any, are invisible in the shadows of the dimly lit saloon.
As you approach the bar, you realize with a start that the bartender ''is'' a Kodiak bear. You decide not to sit at the bar after all -- you'll go sit in a booth instead. You scurry off to a corner and sit down at a table covered with cracked dull brown linoleum (at least, that's what it ''looks'' like it's covered with -- it's certainly brown in any case). You make a show of looking at the grease stained, torn menu which was tucked between the crusty old salt shaker and an empty napkin dispenser.
You're just starting to wonder why a ''saloon'' would be serving extra large pizzas and calzones and wouldn't have beer on the menu when you realize the menu you're looking at is for a pizza parlor in Chicago called the Flying Cafarde. (Perhaps some patron left it here.)
There's a rumble next to you. The bartender is glaring down at you from his full seven foot height. You notice that his eyes are glowing red coals, which seems odd. ''Perhaps he just drank a bit too much last night,'' you think to yourself.
"Whaddya wunt?" he asks in a voice like a gravel crusher. "Bedder wunt sumpin. Don't cotton ta no loafers."
* [[../000-Start-X|Bid the bartender a hasty adieu and leave the saloon]]
* [[../Saloon-need-time-X|Tell the bartender you need a few minutes to think about it]]
* [[../Saloon-consider-beer-X|Tell him you need a few minutes to decide what brand of beer to order]]
* [[../Saloon-order-drink-T|Order a beer]]
* [[../Saloon-order-grasshopper-T|Order a grasshopper]]
* [[../Saloon-order-nothing-T|Tell the bartender you'll just have a salad. You don't feel like drinking]]
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
Saloon-order-drink-T
''(In the saloon)''
You order a beer.
The bartender shuffles off and returns almost immediately with a mug filled with some evil looking liquid.
"Tha'll be five gold pieces" he rumbles.
Unfortunately, you haven't got any money.
The bartender doesn't like that.
He eats you.
.LOSE
================================================================
Saloon-order-grasshopper-T
You order a [[w:Grasshopper_(cocktail)|grasshopper]].
"Don' serve no ''sissy drinks''." says the bartender.
"Don' serve no ''<u>green</u> drinks.''" he adds.
"An' I shooor don' serve no '''''green sissy drinks!'''''" he roars, and eats you.
.LOSE
================================================================
X=.TOWN_E0
Saloon-consider-beer-X
''(In the saloon)''
"Got one brand" say the bear. "Called '''''beer'''''"
"So wadda ya wunt?"
* [[../000-Start-X|Bid the bartender a hasty adieu and run for the door]]
* [[../Saloon-need-time-X|Tell the bartender you still need a few minutes to think about it]]
* [[../Saloon-order-drink-T|Order a beer]]
* [[../Saloon-order-grasshopper-T|Order a grasshopper]]
* [[../Saloon-order-nothing-T|Tell the bartender you'll just have a salad. You don't feel like drinking]]
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
Saloon-order-nothing-T
You tell the bartender you're not drinking today. You ask for a salad.
"Not eat no wimpy salads here" he says. "Eat '''''meat!'''''"
And he eats you.
.LOSE
================================================================
X=.TOWN_E0
Saloon-need-time-X
''(In the saloon)''
You tell the bartender you'll need to think for a minute.
He rumbles something incomprehensible and just stands there -- he's apparently going to wait, right next to you, until you make up your mind.
Just as you're about to order a beer -- ''anything'' to make this dude go away -- there are yells from the other side of the room, some gunshots, a scream, and more gunshots.
"Grrrrrmmmm ... tourists ... snack time ..." rumbles the bartender and shuffles off toward the commotion.
As soon as he disappears into the gloom, you hear a squeaky voice say "Oh my oh my you are just so ''cute!'' Can I buy you a drink?" and a dolphin wearing a trench coat and a sailor hat slides onto the bench across from you.
What would you like to do?
* [[../000-Start-X|Mumble an apology and run for the door while the bartender's busy]]
* [[../Saloon-accept-drink-X|Accept the offer of a drink, with a smile]]
* [[../Saloon-fish-go-T|Tell the weird dolphin to get lost]]
* [[../Saloon-tuna-T|Say, "Hey, Charlie, just order me a tuna sandwich, ha ha!"]]
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
Saloon-fish-go-T
''(In the saloon)''
When you tell the dolphin to get lost, it gets offended.
And then it pulls out a six gun and shoots you.
I guess this isn't a good town in which to offend people.
.LOSE
================================================================
Saloon-tuna-T
''(In the saloon)''
Your joke falls flat. The dolphin (whose name really is Charlie, by some weird coincidence) finds tuna references totally offensive.
It pulls out a six gun and shoots you.
I guess this isn't a good town in which to offend people.
.LOSE
================================================================
X=.TOWN_E0
Saloon-accept-drink-X
''(In the saloon)''
The dolphin waves a flipper at the bartender, who is just approaching your booth for the second time. "Two beers, and some privacy!" it says in its squeaky voice, and winks at the bartender.
A moment later the beers arrive. They're in squat glass mugs. There's a thick dark brown head on each of them. The beer itself appears black (or maybe the mugs are just made of dark glass, you think hopefully). And they're ''smoking''.
What would you like to do now?
* [[../Saloon-look-under-table-X|Look under the table]]
* [[../Saloon-drink-beer-T|Sample the beer]]
* [[../Saloon-spill-drink-T|Tip over your mug]]
* [[../Saloon-ask-job-X|Ask the dolphin about a job]]
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
X=.TOWN_E0; Q=.TOWN_E2_P0
Saloon-ask-job-X
Since you're broke, and you don't know anybody here (''aside from the bartender -- shudder''), you ask the dolphin if there's anybody hiring in these parts.
"Oooooooooo ''yes!''" it squeaks. "In fact I'm supposed to be out looking for sailors right now! I ''love'' sailors, they're so cute!
And ''you'' are just so cute, I think you'd make a great ''first <u>mate!</u>''" it says with a wink and a leer (or as much of a leer as a dolphin can manage, anyway).
"First mate?" you say. You've sailed before but only as a common hand -- this would be incredible luck!
"Yessy yessy yessy yessy yes!" says the dolphin, and reaches into a pocket of its trench coat. "Here's the papers and stuff!" it squeaks, and hands you a fish.
A ''fish?'' "Eh?" you say. "What do I do with this?" and you hold up the fish.
The dolphin giggles. "Oh, you ''eat'' it, of course! But that was the wrong pocket. Here you go!"
And it hands you a fat manila envelope<ref>You can examine any item by clicking its entry in the Inventory list. (Or anyway that's the plan.)</ref> which jingles in a very interesting way.
"It's your signing bonus and letter to the captain. Just be on the ship, ''with your kit'', no later than dawn tomorrow morning, or ... well, just don't be late!" it says, with a very solemn look. "And now I really must ''fly'', I've got a date with a porpoise!" And it winks and starts to slide out of the booth.
"Wait!" you cry. "Where? What ship? What captain? Wait!"
"Oh, didn't I mention that?" it says with a mass of giggles. "It's the Flederaal. It's docked in the harbor. Toodle-oo!" and it's gone.
You wonder.... What kind of ship would be named the ''flying eel?'' And what were those hints about not being late supposed to mean? What if you just skipped with the signing bonus? Hmmm.
What would you like to do now?
* [[../000-Start-Q|Leave the saloon]]
* [[../Saloon-drink-beer-2-T|Sample the beer]]
* [[../Saloon-spill-drink-2-T|Tip over your mug]]
.INVEN(Q)
<hr>
{{reflist}}
================================================================
Saloon-spill-drink-T
''(In the saloon)''
In your excitement at seeing smoking black beer for the first time in your life, you knock your drink over.
The dolphin gives a shrill whistle of alarm and disappears in the direction of the door.
The beer apparently reacts with the table, emitting clouds of brown smoke. You choke on the fumes. You would leave but you're coughing too much to stand up.
And then the beer finishes eating through the table and pours onto your lap.
.LOSE
================================================================
Saloon-spill-drink-2-T
''(In the saloon)''
In your excitement at seeing smoking black beer for the first time in your life, you knock your drink over.
The beer apparently reacts with the table, emitting clouds of brown smoke. You choke on the fumes. You would leave but you're coughing too much to stand up.
And then the beer finishes eating through the table and pours onto your lap.
.LOSE
================================================================
X=.TOWN_E0
Saloon-look-under-table-X
''(In the saloon)''
You glance under the table.
You see a pair of flukes.
(Well, what did you expect to see? There's a dolphin sitting across from you, after all.)
What would you like to do now?
* [[../Saloon-drink-beer-T|Sample the beer]]
* [[../Saloon-spill-drink-T|Tip over your mug]]
* [[../Saloon-ask-job-X|Ask the dolphin about a job]]
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
Saloon-drink-beer-T
''(In the saloon)''
You take a long pull on your beer, as the dolphin gives out a horrified whistle. "Ooooooo I ''never'' actually ''drink'' the beer here!" it says as the room starts spinning and a horrible burning feeling starts in your stomach.
.LOSE
================================================================
Saloon-drink-beer-2-T
''(In the saloon)''
You take a long pull on your beer. Terrible mistake!
The room starts spinning and a horrible burning feeling starts in your stomach.
.LOSE
================================================================
X=.TOWN_E2
Town-north-1-X
''(North of town)''
You're north of the town.
It's ''hot'' here. The heat rises in shimmering waves off scrubby sage brush and sage scrub brushes on either side of the road.
If there were any asphalt on the road it would have melted.
It's hazy and confusing in the heat, and it can be difficult to be sure of your directions, particularly in the direction you think is north.
What would you like to do?
#if (X=[.TOWN_E2_P0])
* {{Goto|{{TheStenchChoose|.RINDEX(Town-north-oliver-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-2-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-2-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-oliver-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-2-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-2-X)
}}|Go farther North}}
#elseif (X=[.TOWN_C2])
* [[../Town-north-2-X|Go farther north]]
#else
* {{Goto|{{TheStenchChoose|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-entrance-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-2-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-2-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-entrance-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-2-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-2-X)
}}|Go farther North}}
#endif
* [[../000-Start-X|Head south, back toward town]]
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
X=.TOWN_E0
Town-north-0-X
''(Police station)''
At the north end of the street, on the outskirts of town, you pass the police station.
Bad luck -- they're having a picnic on the front lawn today, and the place is swarming with cops. It's not long before somebody notices you in your natty but somewhat stinkful clothing and asks to see your papers.
You haven't got any. And you haven't got so much as a dime, not a centime, not a cowry shell to call your own.
It's off the clink with you, for vagrancy, where you'll stay until you can pay the twenty buck court fee to get out of jail. Which, since nobody who might bring you a couple of sawbucks even knows you're here, is never.
Old age eventually overtakes you.
.LOSE
================================================================
X=.TOWN_E2
Town-north-0-X
''(Police station)''
At the north end of the street, on the outskirts of town, you pass the police station. The cops are apparently all vacationing in the country this afternoon; the place looks deserted.
What would you like to do?
* [[../Town-north-1-X|Continue North]]
* [[../000-Start-X|Head south, back toward the town center]]
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
X=.TOWN_E2
Town-north-2-X
''(North of town)''
You're north of the town.
It's ''wicked hot'' here. The heat rises in shimmering waves above the bare sand which is all that's here, aside from the bare dirt road. If you had bare feet you'd barely be able to walk at this point from the blisters which your thin boots are barely preventing.
If there were any asphalt on the road it would have melted. In fact you're starting to wonder if the sand is going to melt.
It's hazy and confusing in the heat, and you're not even slightly sure which direction you're going.
What would you like to do?
#if (X=[.TOWN_E2_P0])
* {{Goto|{{TheStenchChoose|.RINDEX(Town-north-oliver-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-2-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-1-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-oliver-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-2-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-1-X)
}}|Wander around aimlessly, in a daze from the heat}}
* {{Goto|{{TheStenchChoose|.RINDEX(Town-north-oliver-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-2-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-2-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-oliver-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-2-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-2-X)
}}|Continue North (or something -- it's hard to tell in the heat)}}
#elseif (X=[.TOWN_C2])
* [[../Desert-maze-boulder-X|Continue north]]
#else
* {{Goto|{{TheStenchChoose|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-entrance-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-2-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-1-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-entrance-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-2-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-1-X)
}}|Wander around aimlessly, in a daze from the heat}}
* {{Goto|{{TheStenchChoose|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-entrance-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-2-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-2-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-entrance-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-2-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-2-X)
}}|Continue North (or something -- it's hard to tell in the heat)}}
#endif
#if (X=[.TOWN_C2])
* [[../Town-north-1-X|Head back south into town]]
#else
* {{Goto|{{TheStenchChoose|.RINDEX(Town-north-2-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-1-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-1-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-2-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-1-X)
|.RINDEX(Town-north-1-X)
}}|Head back south (or something -- it's hard to tell in the heat)}}
#endif
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
X=.TOWN_E2_P0
Town-north-oliver-X
You went looking for North. You found him.
'''Oliver North is here.'''
Or maybe he really isn't. Anyway, whether he's real or not, you see him standing in front of you, natty and spratty in his dress whites, just like he looked when he was <s>lying</s> testifying before Congress some time in the last century. What a fine figure he cuts!<ref>OK OK bit of an anachronism here we're supposed to be doing this stuff some time in the early 1800's but whatever, he wanted a part in this scene so here he is.</ref>
He's also pointing a bazooka at you.<ref>I don't know why he's carrying a bazooka. That wasn't on the original storyboards, not at all.</ref> You've never heard of Ollie carrying a bazooka which makes you suspect this might be a mirage after all.
But then, mirages don't speak.
"Are you a Republican?" he asks.
What do you do?
* [[../000-Start-X|Run like a jackrabbit to get away from this lunatic]]
* [[../Oliver-say-democrat-T|I'm sorry, Oliver, but I'm actually a democrat.]]
* [[../Oliver-say-republican-X|Yes, indeed, I love the old party like a senile old family dog!]]
* [[../Oliver-say-other-T|What? I'm a Democratic-Republican, just like everybody who isn't a Wig]]
.INVEN(X)
<hr>
{{reflist}}
================================================================
Oliver-say-democrat-T
"Spawn of Satan!" screams the Oliver North apparition. By this time you're completely sure it's just a mirage; there is absolutely no way the real Oliver North could be here in this scene, and he'd never be carrying a bazooka.
Then he shoots you.
.LOSE
================================================================
Oliver-say-other-T
"You're a ''what??''" he says. "You double tongued sleeze, trying to please everybody, claim to be both at once, don't you know you can't please ''anybody'' that way?"
Then he shoots you.
.LOSE
================================================================
X=.TOWN_E2_P0; Q=.TOWN_P2_C0
Oliver-say-republican-X
You swear by the bones of all the former heads of the Joint Chiefs that you are a true blue republican and that nothing would please you more than to have all taxes on people earning more than $500,000 per year ''repealed''.
Oliver looks you in the eye, with his bazooka trained directly on your chest, and says,
"You're a liar. I can see it in your eyes. You're just saying that because you think it'll get you what you want."
"You know, I really admire that in a person." And he lowers the bazooka. "Let me tell you something, though. I'm not real. You've been out here all day without water in the heat, and you're hallucinating. I learned that in the marines: If you don't drink anything and you march all day in 140 degree heat, you get all goofy and start throwing grenades at the other guys and sending bags of money to Central American dictators and stuff."
"So here, take this" ... and the apparition hands you a full canteen. "Drink it!" he says.
You drink and as you drink your head clears, and Oliver vanishes. You look over where he was standing, and notice something in the sand, something that must have fallen from his pocket when he disappeared: His passport. You pick it up.
What would you like to do next?
* [[../Desert-maze-entrance-Q|Continue north, and see what's there]]
* [[../000-Start-Q|Head back to town]]
.INVEN(Q)
================================================================
X=.TOWN_P2_C0
Desert-maze-entrance-X
''(Evil Desert Maze Entrance)''
Beyond this point the desert is trackless and unnavigable.
Abandon all hope if don't turn back ''right now!''
* {{Goto|{{TheStenchChoose|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-0-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-1-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-2-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-3-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-4-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-5-X)
}}|Head farther north}}
* {{Goto|{{TheStenchChoose|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-6-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-7-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-8-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-9-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-10-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-11-X)
}}|Strike out to the east}}
* {{Goto|{{TheStenchChoose|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-1-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-11-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-9-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-7-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-5-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-3-X)
}}|Head west}}
* [[../Town-north-1-X|Head south, back to town]]
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
.DESERT_MAZE(0)
================================================================
.DESERT_MAZE(1)
================================================================
.DESERT_MAZE(2)
================================================================
.DESERT_MAZE(3)
================================================================
.DESERT_MAZE(4)
================================================================
.DESERT_MAZE(5)
================================================================
.DESERT_MAZE(6)
================================================================
.DESERT_MAZE(7)
================================================================
.DESERT_MAZE(8)
================================================================
.DESERT_MAZE(9)
================================================================
.DESERT_MAZE(10)
================================================================
.DESERT_MAZE(11)
================================================================
.DESERT_MAZE(12)
================================================================
Desert-get-gila-monster-T
Pick up the gila monster??
You've ''got'' to be kidding. Don't you know how poisonous those things are? (Well, I guess you do ''now''...)
.LOSE
================================================================
X=.TOWN_P2_C0
Desert-maze-apparition-X
''(Evil desert maze)''
Everything is shimmering in the heat. This looks just like everyplace else you've been in this Godforsaken desert ... but wait, something's different here.
Through the shimmering waves of heat, you see what looks like a dim, dark figure. It's pointing somewhere off to your left. You hear words -- or perhaps they're just inside your head. The figure seems to say, ''"Go that way!"''
You look where it's pointing, and you see a signpost. There's an arrow on top, and the sign says "South West".
Unfortunately the sign is pointing directly at a large boulder, so you really can't go that way.
You're about to ask the apparition for a little clarity when it fades away, leaving nothing but sand.
What would you like to do now?
* {{Goto|{{TheStenchChoose|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-3-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-5-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-7-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-9-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-11-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-1-X)
}}|Go north}}
* {{Goto|{{TheStenchChoose|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-3-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-5-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-7-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-9-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-11-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-1-X)
}}|Go east}}
* {{Goto|{{TheStenchChoose|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-3-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-5-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-7-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-9-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-11-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-1-X)
}}|Go west}}
* {{Goto|{{TheStenchChoose|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-3-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-5-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-7-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-9-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-11-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-1-X)
}}|Go east}}
* [[../Desert-maze-boulder-X|Try to climb over the boulder]]
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
X=.TOWN_P2_C0; Q=.TOWN_C2
Desert-maze-boulder-X
''(Evil Desert Maze)''
You attempt to climb over the boulder. It turns out to be much too large, with little purchase on the sides. You can get your chin up on top of it, but there's no way you can get the rest of you up there. However, it was a worthwhile endeavor -- you found a compass on top of the boulder!
With this, it should be a lot easier to find your way back to town.
What would you like to do?
* [[../Desert-north-thirst-T|Go north, see what else there is here]]
* [[../Town-north-2-Q|Go south, back toward town]]
.INVEN(Q)
================================================================
X=.TOWN_C2
Desert-maze-boulder-X
''(Desert by a Boulder)''
You are in the desert. There's a large boulder here.
What would you like to do?
* [[../Desert-north-thirst-T|Go north, see what else there is here]]
* [[../Town-north-2-X|Go south, back toward town]]
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
Desert-north-thirst-T
You are totally dehydrated at this point.
The water you got from Oliver North was no more real than he was.
This is not good.
.LOSE
================================================================
X=.TOWN_P2_C0
Desert-maze-well-X
''(Evil desert maze)''
Everything is shimmering in the heat. This looks just like everyplace else you've been in this Godforsaken desert ... but wait, not quite -- there's a well here! It's got a working bucket and everything.
You gratefully lower the bucket and bring up water that seems to be fine, clear, and cool. You drink a bunch, and you refill your canteen. You're about to get another bucketful to wash off some of the dust when the well shimmers and vanishes in the haze.
A mirage?? Apparently...
What would you like to do now?
* {{Goto|{{TheStenchChoose|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-3-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-5-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-7-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-9-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-11-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-1-X)
}}|Go north}}
* {{Goto|{{TheStenchChoose|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-3-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-5-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-7-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-9-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-11-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-1-X)
}}|Go south}}
* {{Goto|{{TheStenchChoose|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-3-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-5-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-7-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-9-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-11-X)
|.RINDEX(Desert-maze-1-X)
}}|Go west}}
* [[../Desert-maze-entrance-X|Go east]]
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
X=.TOWN_ANY
Town-south-X
''(Crossroads South of town)''
There used to be a bait shop here but they seem to have gone out of business. Their abandoned and rather dilapidated building is still here, but it's tightly boarded up and you can't get into it (and it would be trespassing, anyway).
The east-west highway, which you ''should'' be able to explore, seems to have been closed. There are permanent barricades with black and yellow stripes on them, and a sign that says "Road Closed".
* [[../000-Start-X|Head north, back into town]]
* [[../Town-harbor-X|Head south, toward the harbor]]
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
X=.TOWN_ANY
Start-follow-ruts-X
''(Outside saloon)''
You try to follow the ruts but they're running too fast.
You are standing in the road in front of a saloon. The road is dirt, with ruts running north and south and off into the ditches and pretty much wherever they feel like running. It's raining dust.
#if (X=%Hole)
There is a hole in the road here.
#endif
#if (X=[.TOWN_E0])
* [[../Start-saloon-X|Go into the saloon]]
#endif
* [[../Town-north-0-X|Head north along the road]]<!--Go find Oliver?-->
* [[../Town-south-X|Head south toward the harbor]]
#if (X=[.TOWN_H0])
* [[../Start-dig-X|Dig a hole in the road]]
#endif
* [[../Start-raise-umbrella-X|Raise your umbrella]]
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
Start-stop-ruts-T
The ruts don't take kindly to being stopped.
.LOSE
================================================================
X=.TOWN_H0
Start-dig-X
''(Outside saloon)''
Dig? With what? Your bare hands? You have no shovel.
* [[../Start-dig-2-X|Yeah, dig with my bare hands. Scratch at the dirt with my fingernails.]]
#if (X=[.TOWN_E0])
* [[../Start-saloon-X|Go into the saloon]]
#endif
* [[../Town-north-0-X|Head north along the road]]<!--Go find Oliver?-->
* [[../Town-south-X|Head south toward the harbor]]
* [[../Start-stop-ruts-T|Stop those ruts from their running]]
* [[../Start-follow-ruts-X|Follow the ruts, see where they're running off to]]
* [[../Start-raise-umbrella-X|Raise your umbrella]]
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
X=.TOWN_H0
Start-dig-2-X
''(Outside saloon)''
Dig with your bare hands? You've got to be kidding. This is hard ground here.
#if (X=[.TOWN_E0])
* [[../Start-dig-3-X|Bah. Give the ground a kick and go into the saloon.]]
#else
* [[../Start-dig-3-X|Bah. Give the ground a kick and see if there's something more interesting down the road.]]
#endif
#if (X=[.TOWN_E0])
* [[../Start-saloon-X|Go into the saloon]]
#endif
* [[../Town-north-0-X|Head north along the road]]<!--Go find Oliver?-->
* [[../Town-south-X|Head south toward the harbor]]
* [[../Start-stop-ruts-T|Stop those ruts from their running]]
* [[../Start-follow-ruts-X|Follow the ruts, see where they're running off to]]
* [[../Start-raise-umbrella-X|Raise your umbrella]]
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
X=.TOWN_H0; Q=.TOWN_H2
Start-dig-3-X
''(Outside saloon)''
You kick the ground in frustration. Much to your surprise, it caves in, leaving a hole in the road leading down into darkness.
* [[../Subway-tunnel-on-train-Q|Jump into the hole]]
#if (X=[.TOWN_E0])
* [[../Start-saloon-Q|Go into the saloon]]
#endif
* [[../Town-north-0-Q|Head north along the road]]<!--Go find Oliver?-->
* [[../Town-south-Q|Head south toward the harbor]]
* [[../Start-stop-ruts-T|Stop those ruts from their running]]
* [[../Start-follow-ruts-Q|Follow the ruts, see where they're running off to]]
* [[../Start-raise-umbrella-Q|Raise your umbrella]]
.INVEN(Q)
================================================================
X=.TOWN_ANY
Start-raise-umbrella-X
''(Outside saloon)''
You don't have an umbrella. (So you don't raise it.)
#if (X=[.TOWN_E0])
* [[../Start-saloon-X|Go into the saloon]]
#endif
* [[../Town-north-0-X|Head north along the road]]<!--Go find Oliver?-->
* [[../Town-south-X|Head south toward the harbor]]
#if (X=[.TOWN_H0])
* [[../Start-dig-X|Dig a hole in the road]]
#else
* [[../Subway-tunnel-on-train-X|Jump into the hole]]
#endif
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
X=.TOWN_ANY
Town-harbor-X
''(At the Harbor)''
#if (X=[.TOWN_K0])
You are at the town harbor. You realize with some slight surprise that despite the fact that you've been here for what seems like a day or two, you still don't know what the name of the place is.
The harbor isn't quite what you expected. It's a small cove, open to the sea, with three short piers sticking out into the water.
There's a rowboat tied up at the middle pier.
In the cove, you can see a sailboat moored.
#else
You are at the town harbor. It's a small cove with three short piers sticking out into the water. There are currently no boats visible in the harbor.
#endif
There are very small waves lapping at the shoreline. It's certainly nothing you would call "surf".
What would you like to do?
* [[../Town-south-X|Head north, back into town]]
#if (X=[.TOWN_K0])
* [[../Town-rowboat-1-X|Get in the rowboat]]<!-- If you haven't got the 'kit' yet you can get in the rowboat -->
#endif
* [[../Town-swim-1-T|Go for a swim]]
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
X=.TOWN_K0
Town-rowboat-1-X
''(On the boat)''
You climb into the rowboat. And then, because why not, you cast off and start rowing.
As you approach the sailboat, you see the name painted on its stern: the "Fledermaus".
#if (X=[.TOWN_E2])
''Hmmm'' you think. ''Could this be the ship I'm supposed to report to? It was Fleder-something, I'm sure of that...''
#endif
You arrive at the boat with a "thud", as you ram it with the rowboat. You pick yourself up off the bottom of the rowboat (where you landed when you hit the Fledermaus) and climb over the side of the sailboat, as the rowboat sinks with a soft gurgling noise.
When you look around, you see, far off in the distance, the opposite shore. I guess this isn't the ocean. Nearby, you see the main mast leading up, a teak deck under your feet, a companionway leading down into the sailboat, and a canvas bag lying on the deck.
What would you like to do?
* [[../Town-climb-mast-T|Climb the mast]]<!-- Too obvious -->
* [[../Town-companionway-T|Go down the companionway and see who's aboard]]<!--Disturbed person with gun-->
* [[../Town-sailboat-look-in-bag-T|Look in the canvas bag]]<!--burglar alarm -->
* [[../Town-sailboat-grab-bag-X|Grab the canvas bag and jump overboard]]<!-- Alarm, shouting, shooting, wakes the kraken, wade to shore -->
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
X=.TOWN_K0; Q=.TOWN_Kc2
Town-sailboat-grab-bag-X
As you grab the bag, an alarm goes off. You're just diving over the rail when about six sailors armed with single shot pistols charge onto the deck. The leader -- or, anyway, the one in the lead -- shouts "Boarders! Thieves! Pirates!" and shoots at you. Several more shots follow, but luckily none of them hit you.
However, some of the shots hit the water, and wake something which was sleeping there. There's a sudden splashing, the water around the Fledermaus swirls and bulges, masses of tentacles appear, and a Kraken rises from the depths.
There's a terrible crunching noise and the Kraken and the boat vanish beneath the waves.
What would you like to do now?
* [[../Town-swim-for-shore-T|Swim for the shore]]<!-- With all your gear? Good luck! Besides that, you don't know how to swim. Sharks, too. -->
* [[../Town-wade-to-shore-T|Wade to the shore]]<!-- Ooops too deep -->
* [[../Town-open-bag-Q|Look in the canvas bag]]
* [[../Town-dive-search-boat-T|Dive under water and search for the boat]]<!-- You find the kraken. Oops. -->
.INVEN(Q)
================================================================
X=.TOWN_Kc2; Q=.TOWN_K2
Town-open-bag-X
While desperately treading water, you fumble with the knot, finally loosening it enough to look inside the bag. In a brief glance (between breaths) you see some clothes, a knife, some sort of paper, and a pair of water wings.<ref>You can get a complete description of anything you're carrying through the Inventory link. -- Yr Ever Helpful Editors</ref>
Aside from catching your breath, what would you like to do now?
* [[../Town-swim-for-shore-T|Swim for the shore]]
* [[../Town-wade-to-shore-T|Wade to the shore]]
* [[../Town-put-on-wings-Q|Put on the water wings]]
* [[../Town-dive-search-boat-T|Dive under water and search for the boat]]
.INVEN(Q)
<hr>
{{reflist}}
================================================================
X=.TOWN_K2
Town-put-on-wings-X
''(At the Harbor)''
<!-- Duplicate of Town-harbor-X but with different text -->
As you sink beneath the waves under the weight of all your stuff, you take a deep breath and grab the water wings out of the bag. You slip them on, and ... wow, you're back at the surface! You can ''breathe!'' Yippee!
You swim to shore and clamber out onto the beach. You take off the water wings and put the water wings back into the bag (in case you need them later).
You look around the harbor. Neither the ship nor the rowboat is anywhere to be seen.
What would you like to do?
* [[../Town-south-X|Head north, back into town]]
* [[../Town-swim-1-T|Go for another swim -- that was fun]]
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
Town-swim-1-T
You kick your shoes off (pew!) and then, leaving the heaviest of your stuff on the shore, you wade out into the water and start paddling around a bit.
Oh, hey -- where'd ''that'' come from?? A great white shark has just surfaced a few yards from you.
.LOSE
================================================================
Town-swim-for-shore-T
You kick out for shore, swimming as furiously as you can.
Unfortunately, that's not very furiously -- you're not much of a swimmer. And you're carrying an awful lot of stuff, to say nothing of having heavy iron-soled boots on your feet. You start sinking, and flounder ever more furiously.
Sharks love flounder, whether or not they're furious. One comes round, hoping for a fish dinner.
.LOSE
================================================================
Town-wade-to-shore-T
''Wade'' to shore? Good luck -- it's at least 30 feet deep here!
.LOSE
================================================================
Town-climb-mast-T
You scramble up the mast, just like you've seen ''real'' sailors do in movies.
This is easier than you expected. You get about 30 feet up the mast, and suddenly it's not so easy, as you miss a handhold and return to the deck, head first.
.LOSE
================================================================
Town-companionway-T
You walk down the stairs in the companionway and open the door at the bottom.
There are at least two people in the room beyond, but you don't get a chance to figure out what they're doing, due to all the yelling.
About all you can make of the yelling is the word "Pirates!!" You look around for the pirates, but you don't see any.
And then someone shoots you.
.LOSE
================================================================
Town-dive-search-boat-T
You find it very easy to dive under the water, with all the stuff you're carrying.
It's kind of dark here, and hard to tell what you're looking at. You look around for anything which might be a sailboat. You don't find it.
You do, on the other hand, find the Kraken.
.LOSE
================================================================
Town-sailboat-look-in-bag-T
You try to look in the duffel bag, but unfortunately the cords are tightly knotted. As you struggle with the knot, you make a discovery: There's a burglar alarm system on this boat! And you've just set it off!
Some number of sailors rush onto the deck, yelling "Boarders! Pirates! Stop them!"
And then someone shoots you.
.LOSE
================================================================
X=.TOWN_H2
Subway-tunnel-on-train-X
''(On the train)''
You jump into the hole, fall about ten feet, and land on something hard that's moving really fast. Amazingly, you don't break anything.
You are on top of a subway train. In the irregular light of the tunnel it's a little hard to tell but it appears to be painted orange.
What would you like to do?
* [[../Subway-jump-off-T|Jump off]]
* [[../Subway-lie-down-X|Lie down on the roof of the car]]
* [[../Subway-stand-wait-T|Wait for a station]]
* [[../Subway-climb-into-X|Try to climb down and enter the train (while it's moving)]]
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
X=.TOWN_H2
Subway-climb-into-X
''(On the front of the train)''
You find some rungs attached to the side of the car (just for this purpose, I guess), and, much to your surprise, you make it down from the roof without falling off or breaking an ankle. You find yourself standing on a very narrow platformy thing on the ''front'' of the train, looking in through the window in the door. It's pretty dark inside, and you can't see much. You don't know how long you can hold on like this.
The ground's about five feet below your feet, rushing to slide under the train at about fifty miles per hour.
Unfortunately the door's locked.
What would you like to do?
* [[../Subway-knock-1-X|Pound on the door]]
* [[../Subway-climb-back-up-T|Climb back onto the roof]]
* [[../Subway-pray-to-chuck-X|Pray to Chuck Norris]]
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
X=.TOWN_H2
Subway-knock-1-X
''(On the front of the train)''
You pound on the door, and yell for good measure. Either nobody hears you or they have a policy here of not answering the door for strangers, because nothing happens. The door remains stubbornly locked.
The ground's still only a short drop below your feet, and it's still rushing to slide under the train at about fifty miles per hour.
Your hands are getting tired.
What would you like to do?
* [[../Subway-knock-2-T|Pound on the door some more -- somebody's got to hear it!]]
* [[../Subway-climb-back-up-T|Climb back onto the roof]]
* [[../Subway-pray-to-chuck-X|Pray to Chuck Norris]]
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
X=.TOWN_H2
Subway-pray-to-chuck-X
''(In an abandoned station)''
You say a prayer to Chuck Norris to give you strength to hold on a little longer.
Oh wow -- Chuck manifests in person, right there on the front of the train!
He kicks the door in -- it goes flying down the length of the car and out the other end! You walk into the car, picking your way over the broken glass, vastly relieved to be safe again.
Your relief lasts about 10 seconds, as an octopus wearing an MTA uniform slithers out from under a seat, wraps four or five tentacles around you, and burbles "No token, no ride!" After a quick emergency stop, the octopus tosses you off the train onto the platform of an abandoned station.
The lights are out, the gates are locked, and the doors are boarded over; you can't get out onto the street.
What would you like to do?
* [[../Subway-wait-abandoned-T|Wait for another train]]
* [[../Subway-walk-north-tracks-T|Walk on up the tracks, in the direction you were going]]
* [[../Boston-go-back-X|Walk down the tracks, back where you came from]]
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
Subway-walk-north-tracks-T
<i>
Little Ollie was a worm,<br>
A mighty worm was he.<br>
He walked upon the railroad tracks,<br>
The train he did not see.<br>
</i>
.LOSE
================================================================
Subway-continue-south-on-tracks-T
<i>
A peanut sat on the railroad tracks,<br>
Its heart was all a-flutter.<br>
Along came the 9:05...<br>
</i>
.LOSE
================================================================
Subway-wait-abandoned-T
''(In an abandoned station)''
You wait ... and wait. Sometimes trains come by but they never, ever stop.
You go on waiting.
More trains pass, and they never stop either.
You're getting hungry and thirsty.
You go on waiting.
.LOSE
================================================================
Subway-knock-2-T
''(Under the train)''
You pound on the door some more. It remains stubbornly locked.
The hand you're holding on with slips.
Oopsie!
.LOSE
================================================================
Subway-climb-back-up-T
All this climbing has tired you out.
You get about halfway back to the top when your foot slips off a rung, and you join the ground, which is still rushing to meet the train.
.LOSE
================================================================
Subway-jump-off-T
You jump into the darkness.
Bad move -- the train was moving at about 50 mph when you did that.
.LOSE
================================================================
Subway-stand-wait-T
You wait for a station.
You're still standing bolt upright, which was fine where you got on -- the ceiling was really high there, for some reason.
It's not long before the train re-enters the normal tunnel, with about two feet of clearance between the top of the train and the ceiling of the tunnel.
.LOSE
================================================================
X=.TOWN_H2
Subway-lie-down-X
''(Harbor subway stop)''
You lie down on the roof of the car. In seconds, the wisdom of your move is revealed, as the ceiling drops down to no more than two feet above the top of the car.
With the ceiling rushing by just inches over your head, you're too scared to move, so you don't.
It seems an eternity, but it's probably only a few minutes before the train stops at a station. You quickly scramble off the roof and drop to the platform.
Looking around, you realize (a) the train really ''is'' painted orange, and (b) you're in Boston!
Boston, the only city in the world where you have to ''pay to get off the subway!''<ref>"No you don't!" you say. Don't be a smart alec. You ''did'' have to pay to get off, 'way back when, when bees hadn't infested the MTA and this story took place (see Charlie on the MTA).</ref>
#if (X=[.TOWN_E2])
Lucky for you, you've got your signing bonus. You give the poor long suffering lady in the booth a zorkmid and hurry off while she's still trying to make change for it.
Then it's up the steps, and out into air. You're in Boston Harbor!<ref>Yes, you're right; I cheated; the Orange Line doesn't actually go to the harbor. In fact, you were actually riding the old Harbor Line, which -- stop interrupting, there is too! Let me finish! -- which was accidentally flooded during the re-draining of Back Bay after the disaster of Hurricane Diane back in '53. Draining the tunnel and bringing the line back into service would have been too expensive, and the track gauge was incompatible with all the other lines, so they just hauled all the cars over to Harvard where they're still in use as freshman dorms. And ''that's'' why you don't know about it.</ref>
#else
And that's bad news for you, because you haven't got a nickel, and you ''certainly'' haven't got a subway token.
#endif
What would you like to do now?
#if (X=[.TOWN_E2])
* [[../Boston-go-docks-X|Walk down to the docks]]
* [[../Boston-mugger-T|Go explore Charleston]]
* [[../Boston-swim-charles-T|Go for a swim in the Charles]]
#else
* [[../Boston-go-back-X|Walk back down the tracks]]
* [[../Subway-walk-north-tracks-T|Walk on up the tracks, past the station]]
* [[../Boston-get-on-train-T|Get on the next train going back]]
* [[../Boston-demand-exit-T|Demand that they end this illegal incarceration and let you out of the subway]]
#endif
.INVEN(X)
<hr>
{{reflist}}
================================================================
Boston-swim-charles-T
You dive head first into the cool, refreshing water of the Charles River.
Wait! AAAAGH! What is this stuff? It doesn't feel, smell, or taste anything like water!
Oh, help! You're ... ''dissolving!''
.LOSE
================================================================
Boston-demand-exit-T
You berate the woman in the toll booth, claiming that you've been incarcerated without charge and without trial and that this is unconstitutional.
Apparently, in Boston at least, this counts as verbal assault. And assaulting an MTA employee is an ''extremely'' serious charge. The guards close in, and take you away.
They lock you up and throw away the key.
.LOSE
================================================================
Boston-mugger-T
You're having lots of fun exploring the city, and checking out the alleys.
You walk down a particularly thrillingly dark and dreary alley, wondering what adventures might be there.
Oh no! It's a mugger, with a switchblade!
No problem -- a cutlass trumps a switchblade, any day You pull yours out.
The mugger, panic stricken, drops his switchblade.
Unfortunately for you, he only dropped his knife to free up his hand, so he could reach into his coat and pull out a German-made WWII vintage machine pistol with an oversize clip. You've been shot 32 times before you can so much as say "Ouch!"
.LOSE
================================================================
X=.TOWN_H2_E2_P0
Subway-harbor-stop-S-X
''(Harbor subway stop)''
You're back in the Harbor subway station. Trains come through every ten minutes or so.
What would you like to do now?
* [[../Boston-go-back-X|Walk back down the tracks]]
* [[../Subway-walk-north-tracks-T|Walk on up the tracks, past the station]]
* [[../Boston-get-on-train-T|Get on the next train going back]]
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
Boston-get-on-train-T
You hope to get off at a station in the town where you started. You're not sure what stop that might be, but you're sure it's one of them.
You spend the rest of your life getting off at various subway stops, looking around, and getting back on.
You never do find your way back to the town.
.LOSE
================================================================
X=.TOWN_H2_E2
Boston-go-docks-X
''(Boston harbor)''
You walk down to the docks.
OMG there are a lot of ships here! You wonder how you'll ever find the Flederaal -- or if she's even in this harbor. Is there a harbormaster somewhere? Or an office? Or anything in this maze?
What do you do?
* [[../Boston-wander-around-T|Wander around the harbor until you find the harbormaster's office]]
* [[../Boston-ask-policeman-T|Ask a policeman. There's one right over there, riding on a horse!]]
* [[../Boston-ask-beggar-X|Ask a beggar. There's one, right over there.]]
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
Boston-ask-policeman-T
The policeman is extremely friendly and very helpful. He hasn't heard of the Flederaal, but he pulls out a two way radio and calls the station. Someone there looks it up -- it's registered in the harbor. Yes! Success!
The officer is about to tell you where to find the ship when his horse decides it doesn't like your smell. It kicks you.
.LOSE
================================================================
Boston-wander-around-T
Boston Harbor is an impossible maze, and what's worse, you make a wrong turn and find yourself in the streets of downtown Boston, which are an even more impossible maze.
You wander, looking for the harbermaster's office, for days.
You starve.
.LOSE
================================================================
X=.TOWN_H2_E2
Boston-ask-beggar-X
''(Boston harbor)''
You see a beggar sitting against a wall out of the sun. He's really exceptional: He looks even grubbier than you do. You saunter over to him and ask if he knows where the Flederaal might be docked.
He looks at you sadly and says "'Ey, cap, got a dime for a ol sailor?"
Before you can answer he sighs and says "Nah, didn't think so. 'S ok, nobody does no more. But the Flederaal -- sounds Dutch, try down dock 42," and he points down the block toward a dock which has a big "<big>42</big>" blazoned on the building at the end of it.
#if (X=[.TOWN_H2_C2_K2])
You thank him, and drop a Krugerrand in his hat. As you leave, you see him staring in disbelief at the heavy gold coin. Oh, well, at least you made somebody's day, whether or not you find the Flederaal.
#else
You thank him, and drop a zorkmid in his hat. As you leave, you see him staring in puzzlement at the peculiar coin.
#endif
#if (X=[.TOWN_H2_E2_P0])
You start to walk down Dock 42, but someone in a uniform steps out of the building next to it.
"Hold it, mate -- you're leaving U.S. soil here. This dock belongs to Holland. So let's see your passport."
''Passport?'' You haven't got one.
So I guess you're not going down the dock, after all.
What would you like to do instead?
* [[../Boston-customs-punch-guard-T|Punch out the officer, run down the dock, and board the ship]]
* [[../Subway-harbor-stop-S-X|Walk back to the subway station]]
* [[../Boston-swim-harbor-T|Go for a swim in the harbor before you go home]]
#else
You're asked for your passport as you start to walk down Dock 42, which serves international shipping companies. When the guard sees your diplomatic passport, she becomes extremely solicitous, and walks down the doc with you looking for the Flederaal.
That ship isn't docked here, so she goes and checks the registry for you. She finds out the Flederaal is moored out in the middle of the harbor.
What would you like to do?
* [[../Harbor-dance-T|Dance a victory dance to celebrate locating the Flederaal]]
* [[../Harbor-find-rowboat-X|Look for a rowboat]]
* [[../Harbor-swim-to-flederaal-T|Swim out to the Flederaal]]
#endif
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
Boston-swim-harbor-T
Did I mention they have sharks in Boston Harbor?
.LOSE
================================================================
Boston-customs-punch-guard-T
You punch the customs officer, who falls down in a most satisfying way.
You start to run down the dock.
Oh, oopsies, I guess you didn't notice the pack of sniffer dogs they keep here. The dogs don't like it when somebody assaults one of their humans. The whole pack lights out after you, and they can run a lot faster than you can.
Dogfood time!
.LOSE
================================================================
Harbor-dance-T
You dance an Irish jig, then a Scottish sword dance, and then bolero to show just how happy you are. You dance beautifully. The customs people love it; all of them come out onto the dock and stand around you, clapping in time to your dancing.
Even the fish in the harbor are impressed; you can see their heads poking out of the water, all around the dock, watching you dance.
Unfortunately, at the climactic moment of the bolero, you miss a step, and over the side you go -- Splash!
Even more unfortunately, one of the fish which had come to watch you dance is a shark.
.LOSE
================================================================
Harbor-swim-to-flederaal-T
You're so thrilled at finding the Flederaal that you dive into the water straightaway and swim for her.
In an amazing show of physical prowess, you swim all the way out to her, fully dressed, wearing boots, and lugging all your gear. Congratulations!
Unfortunately, when you get there, you can't climb up the slick side of the ship. You tread water desperately while you pound on the side of the ship and yell.
You are approaching the last of your strength when ''finally'' somebody on the ship hears your cries for help.
They lean over the side, shout "Boarders!!", and shoot you.
.LOSE
================================================================
X=%H_Pass,%H_Comp,%H_P_KitO
Harbor-find-rowboat-X
''(Boston harbor by the Flederaal)''
<!-- You're missing the compass, or the kit, or both.
You can't have gotten this far without the envelope and passport.
-->
You start to look for a rowboat, but the customs officer, ever eager to help a diplomat in need, calls a couple of her assistants and puts the three of you in a skiff. And off you go across the harbor.
The Flederaal is a little odd looking. It's painted flat black ("''Must be hot as blazes in the summer''", you think), and it's got no name painted on the back.
The skiff stops under the manropes, and up you go.
You find yourself facing a woman sitting at chair behind a folding table. There are papers scattered over the table. You guess she's handling the last minute preparations for a voyage.
"Yes?" she asks. "Who are you?"
"I'm the new first mate..."
"Perfect! Let's see your papers. And your kit."
#if (X=[%H_Pass,%H_Comp])
You hand her your passport and the letter from Charlie.
"No kit?" she asks.
#elseif (X=%H_P_KitO)
You hand her your passport, the letter from Charlie, and your duffel bag of stuff.
"Got a compass, Oliver?"
''Compass?'' Where's that supposed to have come from? You have on answer for that.
#endif
You stand there dumbly. "Yo, get rid of this garbage!" she yells.
Two seaman grab you by the arms, and over the side you go. ''Splash!''
What would you like to do now?
* [[../Harbor-swim-for-shore-T|Swim for shore]]
* [[../Harbor-dive-T|Dive under water, see what's there]]
* [[../Harbor-yell-T|Yell for help]]
* [[../Harbor-drown-X|Drown]]
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
Harbor-swim-for-shore-T
You strike out for shore, swimming through the slimy water of Boston Harbor, lugging all your gear, wearing your iron soled boots.
It's about a half a mile. You should be able to swim that, right?
Don't think so...
.LOSE
================================================================
Harbor-dive-T
Diving is easy; coming up again is a lot harder.
.LOSE
================================================================
Harbor-yell-T
You use up the last of your breath shouting for help.
.LOSE
================================================================
X=%H_Pass,%H_Comp,%H_P_KitO
Harbor-drown-X
''(Harbor subway stop)''
You drown. Or rather you start to drown. You flounder around and splash and make drowning noises.
Charlie the dolphin pops up next to you and squeaks "Oooooo you're just so ''cute'' when you're drowning!" He's doffed the trench coat but he's still got the sailor hat. (Don't ask me how it's staying on his head while he swims.)
And then he dives underneath you, and squeaks (under water, no less) "Hold on!"
You catch hold of his back, and in a few moments you're ashore again, warm and dry, or at least warm, or anyway out of the water.
Once ashore, you walk disconsolately back to the subway station.
What would you like to do next?
* [[../Boston-go-back-X|Walk back down the tracks]]
* [[../Subway-walk-north-tracks-T|Walk on up the tracks, past the station]]
* [[../Boston-get-on-train-T|Get on the next train going back]]
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
X=.TOWN_H2
Boston-go-back-X
''(Subway tunnel, under the hole)''
You walk down the tracks, and miraculously, no trains run over you. The subway must be running late (again).
You've been walking in the dark for what seems like an awfully long time when the tunnel suddenly widens out, and the ceiling goes far up. You're in a sort of chamber in the tunnel. There's a hole far above you letting in daylight. There's a ladder attached to the wall.
What would you like to do?
* [[../Subway-continue-south-on-tracks-T|Continue walking along the tracks to see what's there]]
* [[../Subway-walk-north-tracks-T|Walk north, back the way you just came]]
* [[../000-Start-X|Climb the ladder to the hole]]
.INVEN(X)
================================================================
X=.TOWN_H2_C2_K2
Harbor-find-rowboat-X
''(The Flederaal)''
You start to look for a rowboat, but the customs officer, ever eager to help a diplomat in need, calls a couple of her assistants and puts the three of you in a skiff.<ref>Just what ''is'' a skiff, anyway? I just looked it up, and Webster says it's a kind of caterpillar. Hmmm. OK, so you're riding out to the Flederaal on a caterpillar.</ref> And off you go across the harbor.
The Flederaal is painted flat black ("''Must be hot as blazes in the summer''", you think), it's got no name painted on the back, and as you round her you get a look at the figurehead. Ah hm. No lovely maiden, not on this ship. It's a skeleton. In irons. Looks real, too.
You look up to see what flag she's flying. It's some sort of blotched black and orange affair.
As the skiff approaches the Flederaal, you hear a gunshot, and some yelling. "But ma'am 'e's -- 'e was -- the first mate -- "
"So hire a new one!" says a woman's voice. "And get rid of this garbage!" the woman continues.
A body comes flying over the rail above you and splashes into the harbor in front of the skiff, which almost capsizes in fright.
With a little urging from the customs house assistants, the skiff climbs the side of the Flederaal and deposits you on the deck.
You find yourself facing a woman sitting at chair behind a folding table, which is covered with papers. Most people would describe her as extremely pretty. She's got what appears to be a hunk of tarred rope hanging from her mouth. It's producing a trickle of brown smoke which smells like someone's burning a box of used kitty litter. There's a double barreled pistol lying on the table near her right hand.
"Who are you?" she asks.
"The new first mate..."
"Perfect! Just don't end up like the last one! Let's see your papers. And your kit."
You hand her your passport, the letter from Charlie, and your duffel bag of stuff.
"Got a compass, Oliver?"
You hand her that, too.
"Good. Steersman had a little accident. You'll need the compass."
"Ma'am? Am I addressing the captain?" you ask in your most polite tone.
"Not 'less you talk real' loud. An' I wouldn't do that, were I you. Captain's asleep, 'e doesn't take kindly to numbwit loudtalkers interruptin' 'is slumber."
Then she adds, "Your cabin's for'ard of the mast. Rabbit ere'll show you."
<big>'''''CONGRATULATIONS! You've made it all the way through <u>PART ONE!</u>'''''</big>
Yes, believe it or not, there is ''more'' of this nonsense, coming soon, in Part 2! In fact all we've made it through so far is the PROLOGUE! The story has yet to begin!
So, what would you like to do?
* [[User:Snarglefoop/Games/Celestial Pirates 2|Go on to Part 2]] <small>''Unfortunately part 2 is just a little bit unwritten as yet...''</small>
* [[Special:Random|Go someplace else, this was really boring]] ''(So why'd yuh finish it then, eh?)''
* [[Illogigames|Check to see if there are any (other?) worthwhile games on this site]]
* {{Goto|0|Play again -- that was fun!}}
.INVEN(X)
<hr>
{{reflist}}