Vlulgaa's Vluxueyx is a rare medical condition that causes a person to be completely unable to speak to anyone except the waitstaff in certain restaurants. Many sufferers can only speak to fast food waiters, although the more fortunate victims can talk to any waiter in any restaurant around the globe. Most sufferers end up having a waiter follow them around constantly to relay messages to their various acquaintances.
In doing research for this article, I managed to track down a sufferer of Vlulgaa's Vluxueyx. I asked him what it was like to have the disease. Naturally, since I'm not a waiter, he was completely unable to answer.
When people who have the disease try to talk to anyone who isn't a waiter, all that comes out is a peculiar, high-pitched shriek.
Vlulgaa's Hairnet is a similar disease which causes people to only be able to speak to people whose names begin with the letter H.
Vlulgaa's Dishwasher is a vaguely similar disease that causes people to be able to communicate with dishwashers. Believe it or not, dishwashers can speak. The humming sound they make when they're running is actually a language. However, most people who have Vlulgaa's Dishwasher Syndrome agree that dishwashers make very uninteresting conversation, mostly about either weather or curtains.
Vlulgaa's VLEELLE is yet another condition that enables people to talk to cheese graters, but only once every eight months.