Where's Waldo? (the illustrious adventure of Waldo Greenfield)

Chapter 1. - The Time of Reckoning -

Waldo Greenfield, a part-time watch salesman, grew up during the first World War. Inspired by his father, a Private-First-Class (PFC), who had honorable discharge due to sexual harassment from fellow latrine cleaners, Waldo had high aspirations for joining the army and achieving greatness unlike just like his father, who in no way abused dear Waldo and forcibly fed him cans of noodles to bulk up for winter.

Chapter 2. - Waldo's Time To Shine -

The start of World War II sprung 18 year old Waldo Greenfield-Shibbitzki (name changed after recent custody/rap battle) into applying for the Armed Forces. This led to Waldo quitting his job as a watch salesman even though his sales were through the roof because he had sex with each client, no matter what gender, age, race, or species. Waldo Greenfield-Shibbitzki went into the Army as a PFC and was immediately sent to clean latrines. He ended up sneaking out to be the General's secret lover and was promoted to Lieutenant Colonel. Later on in the war, doing absolutely nothing but having extremely energetic sex with General Eisenhower and eating bon-bons while watching re-runs of "I Love Lucy", Waldo Greenfield-Eisenhower-Shibbitzki (secretly married to General E.) moved to the front lines of battle because he crushed all of President Roosevelt's Miley Cyrus CDs had to fill in some hours of combat. Immediately following his departure into Europe, Waldo reportedly muttered "Fuck this, I'm outta here," as Nutter-Butter slowly oozed from his lips.

The legend as we know him today (the cane is for gout-related purposes).

Chapter 3. - The Escape -

Waldo Greenfield-Eisenhower-Shibbitzki, caught up in a predicament/sex scandal had no choice (actually, he had many choices) but to flee into the German countryside of Germany, have sex with ugly women, lesbians, and children. Waldo, listed M.I.A., traveled 1,300 miles across Germany, sleeping with over 294 lesbians who believed Waldo was a magical she-male sex god, joining a German Nazi-Punk band, shaving his head, and buying a striped sweater and goofy, lens-less glasses to ensure stability with the Nazi Crowd. German officials who spoke German realized there was an American soldier on their soil (also known as grass) and sent 20 men on horseback to cut trees, stomp into paper, and print maps of Germany and/or neighboring countries (that happen to neighbor Germany) and ask for whereabouts of this "Waldo Greenfield-Eisenhower-Shibbitzki". The title of the book, you ask? "Where's Waldo?"

Chapter 4. - Fame and Misfortune -

Over 200,000 copies sold in 2 1/2 seconds, "Where's Waldo?" became a hit, not just in Germany...but in Germany. Though Waldo Greenfield-Eisenhower-Shibbitzki-Earl Jones-Chip-Reister has not been caught, it is reported that he has bought a timeshare and turned it into cash. Many believed he is associated with Al Capone, Al Pacino, and Al Bundy but this rumor could be a mistake, seeing as how his name is not Al while everyone else is named Al. Waldo Greenfield-Eisenhower-Shibbitzki-Earl Jones-Chip-Reister became a one-hit wonder too in Saudi Arabia (not Germany) with his hit classic "Mom! More Cream Soda!". Though Waldo has dissipated over time, he still is a part of all of us. As long as Waldo lives, there will still be that one kid in class who everybody crowds around (he's not from Germany) just to look for this Waldo G-E-S-E J-C-R.

Alternate Ending

Everyone dies.

See Also

• That wizard in the red and white-striped robe.
• That guy who looks like Waldo but doesn't wear the glasses.
• That woman who is dressed like a female Waldo.
• A bunch of random people too tightly packed for any safety regulations at all.