White History Month

Wait, there's no month for that?

*inaudible whispers*

There's 11?!

No actually, there's only about an extra day every fourth year.

White History Month was started by Africans (no, not African-Americans. Real honest-to-God Africans) for the exact same reasons as Black History Month in America. It's quite simple. Take every statement about Black History Month and reverse the roles. Not that hard of a concept to grasp really.

By extending this process of dividing up history by arbitrary assigned class warfare victim status groups, we could next divide by gender, creating four History Months (White Male History Month, White Female History Month, Black Male History Month and Black Female History Month) and then by age, creating eight history months (Old White Male History Month, Young White Male History Month, Old White Female History Month, Young White Female History Month, Old Black Male History Month, Young Black Male History Month, Old Black Female History Month and Young Black Female History Month) and divide again by the sorts of fuck buddies that the subjects of our history generally felt predisposed towards screwing before any reflective thought processes affected their choices, creating sixteen History Months. (Old Straight White Male History Month, Young Straight White Male History Month, Old Gay White Male History Month, Young Gay White Male History Month, Old Straight White Female History Month, Young Straight White Female History Month, Old Gay White Female History Month, Young Gay White Female History Month, Old Straight Black Male History Month, Young Straight Black Male History Month, Old Gay Black Male History Month, Young Gay Black Male History Month, Old Straight Black Female History Month, Young Straight Black Female History Month, Old Gay Black Female History Month and Young Gay Black Female History Month)

The extension of this process has the interesting astronomical side effect of actually adding more months to the year. It actually slows down the Earth to take four additional months to orbit the Sun. By the way, the reason all of the sixteen History Months were listed in that order was because of a hierarchy which means I'm racist and sexist and bigotted and homophobic and couldn't care less about your victim group status, whatever, blah blah, heard it before, you've beat that same dead horse of racism for so many decades that no one will take you seriously anymore, GET OVER RACE. Race is dead. It's over, done, stop talking about it, goodbye. Africans for Norway.

Oh, by the way. REDSKINS, REDSKINS, REDSKINS! GO REDSKINS!