Zimizmizt cosmology

Zimizmizt cosmology is largely stolen from other cosmologies and some silly stuff thrown in to confuse future apostates. One source is the mind and spirit of Frank Zappa. One song in particular, “Sofa No. 2”, describes the universe as a great, stuffed maroon sofa upon which God sits, occasionally in the company of a dog.

Sofa No. 2

"Way back a long time ago, when the universe consisted of nothing more elaborate than Mark Volman trying to convince each and every member of this extremely hip audience here tonight that he was nothing more, nothing less than a fat, maroonisch sofa suspended in the midst of a great emptiness, a light shined down from heaven... And there he was, ladies and gentleman, the Good Lord. And he took a look at the sofa, and he said to himself, 'Quite an attractive sofa... This sofa could be commercial, with a few more margharitas in the right company... However, I digress... What this sofa needs', said the Big G, 'is a bit of flooring underneath of it.' And so, in order to make this construction project possible, he summoned the assistance of the celestial corps of engineers. And, by means of a cute little song in the German language, which is the way he talks whenever it's heavy business, the Good Lord went something like this (take it away, Jim Pons):

Gib zu mir, etc..."

From: hank@jasper.music.mcgill.ca (Hank Knox)

Science!

Zimizmizt cosmology embraces science wholeheartedly.

Mythology

Myth is in all their forms are foundational to all the other faiths, whether cult or not. Why should we be any different?

• See: Zim’s Myth of the Hero

Zimulator humor

This sort of humor is rooted in the twists and folds of a Zimulator brain. Deep in the recesses of his portly Portnoy-thwarted quart of sorted snortery. As the snort is emitted, buffoonery is created as if out of Nothing. The temple specifically designated as The Buffoonery, a tiny piece of gray matter tucked into a deprav pocket which resides in the brains of humans, dogs and most cats.

In the good old days, they called this process Zero Point Energy Kaizumption. It is attended by all manner of knucklehead, satrap and nodding acquaintances of the Collage of Cardinals. The machinery is maintained and operated by mind thetans, polar opposites of Scientology’s body thetans. These appear as wraiths and specters, gliding about on ethereal skateboards and jangling assorted wrenches from key-laden belts, like janitorial wiccans on a mission of mercury.

Since the turn of the century, the whole thing has been automated, and is linked to Apple OS upgrades. Burnishing, however, is still performed by members of the Kaizumers Guild, local K334.