Billy Mays, Michael Jackson, and their Goldfish

From Illogicopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Michael Jackson died recently. A few years ago, actually. He was a musician. His death was reported on many news stations. 500 years ago (or something like that), he wrote a song called "Thriller." He was also known for doing some odd things.

Billy Mays also died recently. There have been a lot of random celebrity deaths lately. Not to be insensitive or anything. But yeah. He was a guy who starred in advertisements.

Michael Jackson's legacy is in a music video where he dances around to a techno beat.

Billy Mays' legacy is in an advertisement where he screams about oxy-clean.

They both left their impressions, and they both got a lot of media attention.

MEANING that people watched news about their deaths on the news. A wife would say, "Michael Jackson died today." and a husband would say, "Poor bastard. Dying must suck. I'm glad it'll never happen to me."

Where are Michael Jackson and Billy Mays now?

Are they reincarnated? Is there a baby being born right this minute with abnormally good dance skills? Is another baby being born with a fondness for cleaning fluid?

Or perhaps are they in Heaven or some other such spiritual utopia? Perhaps the other angels are debating about MJ's plastic surgeries while Billy sells them the latest miracle sponge.

Or perhaps their souls vanished with death. Broken electrical equipment. OBLIVION.

Oh yeah, "goldfish." I forgot about the goldfish.

People always forget goldfish when they're talking about death.

MJ and Billy both had pet goldfish. Michael's goldfish was named Tweezer. Billy's goldfish was named Spleem. Both goldfish died this week. And where is the media coverage? Absolutely nobody knows about these deaths.

Why?

Legacies.

Uhm...how do I word this???

We all leave footprints in life.

Our footprints remain when we go belly-up.

Some people leave massive footprints. The living are inspired by the footprints of the dead, especially the big footprints.

Some people follow the footprints of others their entire lives.

Other people leave footprints that wander off alone. Completely alone.

Some people, like MJ, leave surgically altered footprints that follow the patterns of dancing.

Other people, like Billy Mays, leave footprints that are squeaky clean, thanks to Oxy-Clean!!!!!!!

The living observe the footprints of the dead. Sometimes they are inspired by the might and majesty of the footprints. Other times they are repulsed.

Yes, we all leave our footprints. But what of the goldfish?

Goldfish have no feet.