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# Welcome to Illogicopedia

The amusing, nonsensical encyclopedia that anyone can mess up.

Proudly making posts vaguely longer and more interesting than Twitter since some time in the past. Feel free to write before you think.

8,887 articles in English, rien en français und nichts auf Deutsch.

Illogicopedia is a wiki project dedicated to creating an insane repository of words put together in no particular order.
(Find out more...)
 Prominent Prose of the Randomly Indiscriminate Time Period:   Hipster
 A hipster is generally described as "...an Illogicopedian without psychological aid, which may include brain medication, psychiatric assistance, or placebo teddy bears."[1] Hipsters are often mocked for their noninclusive irony, although an ?pedian without psychological support is just about as ironic as a cow giving birth to a salamander (The irony of this situation is under speculation). By virtue of a common understanding, a hipster will participate with great dignity in the writing of articles linking to "ironic" pages that produce a pun-like link joke, or simply to less mainstream articles, i.e. articles with less than five views. If/when one of these articles gets featured, the hipster will take pride in "liking it first", hence numerous uncalled for nominations of poorly-written, low-quality articles that no one has heard of for feature by these hipsters. ↑ forged quotation.
 Did You No? Yes! But did you know...
 ...that yeast rhymes with geest? ...that Vanilla Ice was never irritated by the gang of crack-addicted bikers living in his pool house? ...that some listeners of heavy metal have three arms and are expert doily seamsters/seamstresses? ...that the chances of being assaulted by a cracker increase exponentially as a function of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer? ...that the Ministry of Mustard is the secret cabal that administers Obamacare? ...that unsolicited flea infestations can bring on arf arf? ...that Saffle is unpronounceable and unGoogleable? ...about the Gengar creeping up behind you? ...that the Illogibile has not sold another copy! ...that you can substitute turtle wax for pureed ginger when baking gorilla cookies? ...that in New Jersey, Mormons can refinance their primary place of residence at 0/43%? ...that sometimes, reading a new article can result in changes to mentation, which can, upon reflection, cause one to reevaluate one's relative place in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs? ...that Salmon are made of fish! ...that swanky boutiques simply exist to perpetuate the myth that Carlos Santana is a competent guitarist, irregardless of nettles? ...that I can recite pi to 17 gooseberries? ...that repeating the mantra A report about reports about reports that recommends the preparation of a report about the report about reports about reports can have an adverse effect on one's social life? ...that one baby is roughly equivalent to twice the love? ...that caressing the anus of a living spaceship is less effective than homeopathy? ...that Febtober is Awareness Awareness Month? ...that the universe is 25% helium? No, seriously! Cranky Kong said so! ...that Blueberry Pie was an accidental and mysterious premonition? ...that Ian Curtis was the first to perform the Harlem Shake? ...that Deadpool, the Merc with a Mouth, was recently hired by Illogicopedia to kill Roberto? ...that most of our foreign intelligence agencies time and resources are actually spent keeping tabs on the small, nuclear-armed, ideologically-challenged dictatorship of Berzerkistan? ...that Princess Starglo sometimes visits Illogicopedia for tea and crumpets? ...that Concentration Camps are popping up all over the world? ...that the terminal velocity of your pet cat is 40mph? ...that While Watching The Feast of Alvis or Why I Am Not Alvian? ...that we delete facts and sense on Illogicopedia? ...that Elvis Presley was a truck in his previous career? ...that some people were taking 04/01/2013 WAAAAAY too far? ...that every time is taco time? ...that there's a page for the location of your missing vodka? ...Why Mormons Write The Most Kickass Science Fiction Ever? ...that Anonymous Alcoholics can help you stop being anonymous? ...that surgery is a complifination? ...that sticking a potato in your ear and counting to 10 is punishable by death in all 52 states? ...how to play Monopoly: Afterlife Edition? WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???? ...The "Muffin Man"? ...that one and one, you and me, adds up to, less than three? ...that I AM THE BEST? ...that TV Forms is a version of Tvtropes based on Plato's theory of Forms? ...that the dog is out, the door is open, the heat is off? ...that huh? ...that only a malignant narcissist would write "Placebo jellyfish"? ...that I can't see Jay, the DJ, because he she may be secretly a ninja? ...that another bot-generated chunk of absurdity apropos to Illogicopedia's mission has made it's way to IllogiBlog , and was deemed an adequate article one of our bat shit crazy users? ...that AutoTune is more popular than Esperanto? ...that some people can't reach across far enough to touch the pie? ...that the three muskoxen are responsible for half the driving fatalities in England? ...that as you sew, so shall you Queen Victoria? ...that Oh Muffin Crumbs, Oh Muffin Crumbs is the official Christmas Carol of Illogicopedia? ...that nobody knows the Ann Coulter I've seen? Nobody knows like me? ...that nobody thought Synchrological events in the night were worth mentioning? ...that Post-traumatic-leprechaun-syndrome is only contagious on Tuesdays? ...that Dr. Steinman will see you now? ...that Hip Hop belief systems ultimately collapse? ...that I'm getting attacked by rainbows!? HELP!! ...that participating in this web site can make you a Master of Procrastination? ...that a little faith is too much to ask? ...that you can't just ''wtf?" for no reason? ...that acrimony is the pith of the blowhard? ...that you can save time preparing your Thanksgiving turkey using a juicer and a Paganini press? ...that Thanksgiving was invented by Donald Trump in response to "the border problem"? ...that the reason you can't remember your dreams is because your brain gave up on trying to make sense of them? ...that yoz is ambiguous, at best? ...that the voice in your head... not that one, the other one? ...that ill-fitting foil hats are one sign that the gardener keeps a basilisk battologist? ...that terrorist-president Obama Bin Laden has just struck again? ...that Mongolian barbecue in Cleveland? No kidding? ...that George Washingmachine was a revolutionary American home appliance? ...that baseless claims against Political Science have surfaced once more in Gdansk? Did you know that our whole haiku article is written in haiku? ...that this article doesn't have any categories? ...that Richard Dawkins is actually a cult leader? ...that in some parallel universe, other things happen? ...that Zoroastrianism is to Bokononism as Sausages are to Biscuits? ...that God is so beyond mere existence, that indeed He does not have to exist to exist? ...that the 2009 film The Green Problem was produced, directed, written, filmed and performed by a team of thirteen mongooses known as the Auspicious Three? ...that poety can help alleviate minstrel cramps? ...that no news is good news? ...that Albert Matthew Yankovic aka Weird Al is actually a famous gourmet chef? ...that Guitar Hero: Thick as a Brick recently got Jethro Tull's Thick as a Brick 2 added as downloadable content? ...that swivel-lipped anaphylaxis Brim-full Subside contraption is neither here nor there? ...that Articles with really long titular titles and lots of redundancy in their titles and got some not good grammar too generally tend to lean towards being a great disappointment, especially if you're like me, and you have this thing about run-on sentences, not reading them but writing them, in your articles anyway, and so this inevitably leads to an article with a title so awfully long and, let's face it, why should you even read the whole thing? I mean, the title itself is probably longer than the article itself, per se... oh, all those stupid Latin quotes and references too, like it makes me a smarty-nerd type or something, like I don't have enough problems with my image for God's sake... I mean, really, you wouldn't want to be on the end of the scalliwag, in any and perhaps all cases, that... might just be worth a peek at, so to speak, per se? ...that you can use your frequent flyer miles to take Aikido lessons in Turkey? ...that the munchies are a frequent side-effect of Viagra? ...that your enemy can be defeated by turning their flatulence against them, using Aikido? ...that Attila the hun was sympathetic to Bonnie Prince Redondo? ...that House Plantagenet never attempted bake and wake? ...that the monkey fell out of the tree? ...that the chicken crossed the road? ...that Francis E. Dec was a prophetic savant who ruthlessly messiahed a cult of one? ...that the crux of the biscuit is the Trained Parroting Puppet Assassins? ...that Hangman-rope Underling made sense last night? ...that everybody loves Grunteloons? ...that before Atlantis disappeared beneath the waves, lobster based programming was the paradigm du jour? ...that They drive to work using speed dial, but they're still hungry? ...that Provolone cheese, hot peppers and brown mustard on a bulky roll, please? ...that Mongol hordes stripped the Caucasus of zebu? ...that some implications of sniffing fairy dust include gradual memory loss and in some cases... sleep floating? ...that's gangsta, son? ...that preaching to the choir is a lost art? ...that a smack to the head is worth two in the bush? ...that frontally installed hurling brackets will never accumulate more than BibbStepp195? ...that when you breathe a pineapple into your stomach - your liver hich-hikes to your stomach to decomepose the pineapple? ...that when judges try cases, they always wear their bench briefs? ...that pointlessness is next to Godlessness?

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 Mindless sandalism
So it's come to this?

There is nothing. Nothing, that is, but...wait, I forgot. What was I saying? Where are you? Under the window? Yes, that's it, certainly. Everything is green.

Colourless green ideas sleep furiously. They would rather be awake, or perhaps blue. For blue is not green, and awake is not asleep, but black, on the other hand, is white, and indefinite blocks expire.

Yes, I really said that. Trouble is, they expire at infinity. You weren't expecting me to say that, were you? Aww, now you're going to cry. Stop crying. I hate it when you cry. You've got nothing to cry over, you hear? Nothing! You've lost nothing. Nothing of value, that is. You don't know what value is. I've been telling you that for years and you never listen. I suppose I can't blame you, though, seeing as you're nothing but a pair of scissors. Scissors don't have ears.

And they make terrible, terrible wiki editors.

"I'm a Nestorian by trade, but belch hyenas by inclination", declared the frumpy, jittery woman in the coffee line. Stepping back, she spiked my right foot as an unintended consequence. A belligerent miscreant hipster had elbowed his way roughly through the center of three lines to get to a pay phone. The goateed little bag of self-importance picked up the phone, cursed about the cost of a phone call, placed a call and engaged in an extended bout of douchebaggery.

His dickish animated manner could not help but attract attention, as he gesticulated wildly in all directions, yammering about his goji crop, parasailing, his obsession with men's nipples, how terrible Japanese people are... saliva formed little bubbles at the soft, pink corners of his mouth.

A flicker of motion caught the eye, the sound of a smack. A man in olive drab coveralls, wearing a matching eye patch and a hat made out of a cactus repeated the act: bitch-slapped the creepy little shit, raising lovely welts on both cheeks.

A lone user walks into a wiki, finds him/herself the only one updating the Main Page. Others are pushing probiotics and anaphylaxis, but being wise, the lone user persists in storage. Freshly ground Market Basket coffee dribbles down his/her beard, longish hair harboring multitudes of microorganisms, longing for head lice that will never come. Be not disobedient, thou unseemly foraging persimmon eater, for thine is none but the inheritance of all that have gone before. Plus a few drugs.

An alien life form walks into a bar. Seven marines walk up to him and ask, "So, why the long face?" The alien replies, "My tie clip is made from a black hole." So they shot him.
...with chances of patchy fog rolling in by late morning. Probiotic showers will sweep in from the southeast mid afternoon, with chances of hub caps. If you're out with a baby stroller or a breast pump, you'll want to take an umbrella. Tonight, loud screeches settling in, with patches of dry pastiche and lilting alpacas. Tomorrow, just stay home. Penguins will manifest out of thin air in your bathrooms, so you'll want to fill your tubs no later than 3:30am tomorrow morning. This is Skip with the weather... remember to kill your enemies savagely.

There's dog hair all over the furniture again.

so when I got home from the chiropractor, Brak was there on the tv, yelling about "monkeys!", and "get 'em off me!". Well son, that's where I draw the line. Yes sir. Let me tell you, that's no way to sing a love song.

I looked up that coffee maker, and it retails for \$200. So, when is a lizard not a lizard? I ask the cursor, and reach deep into the loins of their foul displeasure, the disgust that fondles manifest destiny.

So go not to sleep in that good night seraphically, but rather enjoy the present, while time makes a present of the present.

Ratyamon kaizum yer fallouwke kmijnekner mank.

See this hole? Rats used to come out of this hole! Big ones!

Mr. Krabs had just discovered a plethora. Drawing himself up mightily as if to interrogate a blasphemous catamite, the cantankerous crustacean pondered the possibility of break-up sex. In his mind, there were several permutations of demonic monstrosities left in the juice cycle, so what's the rush? He imagined a synod of maladapted bishops, muttering in Latin about his portly appearance and manifest destiny. "Westward ho!" he would shout to the pretentious lot gathered for some sort of Spanish Inquisition.

Often he had to disguise his disgust with all things related to bats when relating to these musty purveyors of gallows humor. In fact, all four humors manifested in overall ill humor. If anyone is reading this, please help me! Then of course, they'd all start praising the Lord in mellifluidity, canceling plans for niece's ballet recitals and Godzilla films.

The rats again! Always back to the rats!

Hatred farmed their dreaded steeds. Rank had no meaning to these peasants. Reach?

A meeting of the Scottish Kneehills Society of Amniocentesis Enthusiasts will begin promptly at 6:30pm GMT in the Hyena blazing Hall. Seating begins at 5:00. Monsignor Zim_ulator will speak on ways to spread self-aggrandizement to the French Quarter. Marmosets and howler monkeys will have a Powerpoint presentation on cooking styles of the former French Indochina. There will be no lap dances or topless pole dancing, so you sort can just stay at home and do that in front of your computer.

Betrayed by lab specimens.

<insert several butcher's aprons here>

One of the flayrods, apparently, has gone out of skew on the treadle!

Shumpy? Chumpy? ChumpyxShumpy? Lumpy dancing? NO. Yes, mañana.

Klutzy, get me a sandwich.

That comes with soup or salad, radiation or callouses, prickly heat or alpaca sweat, pasta, Canadian space alien biers and carrot cake. Would you like to order now, or go back to Hell?

“Hell is other people”

~ the French on absinthe mint jello shots and bacon

The value of an object lies inside each collector's eyes.

A-hahh! Bungle Bonce.

The only practical solution was to use an armored car to transport donor cells, fecal microbiota transplantation for fulminant Clostridium difficile infection in an allogeneic stem cell transplant patient. Solve for x.

Nigerian oil contains antimony. More at 5. Do not wait for me. I am an electric ape rainbow who vomits out of his eyes. This is Paddy O'Irishman reporting from the Guinness plant. Millions of chaps are descending upon the grave of our great and final king, King Shaun of the Great River Liffey, who has found my hat! TOP HAT MAKES MAN. kthxbye. This is not a joke free mystery Guinness scam for plot of got of wot, tally ho? No! This is a tribute to James Joyce who died for the Egg Almighty and a dead pope. He did not see the rake, so he wrote Ulysses. Then he found a time machine and went to the future and found LSD and magic mushrooms and wrote Finnegans Wake! Then he died of cancer mad cow disease and fish. YOU LOSE NOW GO HOME AND THIS IS CAPTAIN CAPS REPORTING FROM SPAAAAAACE! Pong ping plop bleep blip blop blup blimp blump blank blink blunk bloop! Find the key to this riddle and I'll give you a ring.

Dude! It's Sinitta, not Cynita. Said Catherine Jones.
Cynita, WHY did you TRICK us?
Cynita, you THOUGHT you could FOOL us.
Cynita, we're SMARTER than THAT.
Cynita, you'd better watch your back wash your back drive the Germans back.

Would you stand by while a bushfire raged?

An existentialist, a modal realist, and an eliminative materialist walk into a bar; the bartender looks up at them and says, “Is this a joke?”

This week, Super Japanese paralympians infiltrated the International Society of Transgendered Satanists on the grounds of coffee from Indonesia. A rather nice blend, with a crazy caffeine content, fit for royalty. Why royalty? Better to ask, "who pooped in the piano?"

What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew? A lot of things, you racists!

Zeeky boogy doog!

Some Jehovah's Witnesses came to my door last week. They looked like Godzillas, and the license plate read "I8NY".

Retard facts:

A just desert can also be a platitude.
Eating an iceberg cranks yarbouten fogniscates.
Density ground gallows fnorele-thought repeating knoedel bounce.
Election to gather wool, fittings were urgently leavened.

The wheels on the insanity bus go round and round,
Round and round, round and round.
The wheels on the insanity bus go round and round,
And so does muscle man's mom.

Last week in Massachusetts, six evangelical Christians were variously insulted and blasphemed at, all for knocking on the doors of random strangers.
Is Ranch Dressing sauce?

How many roadz must a man wok down before he smoakes queef up a strand?

Why did the tree fall on the monkey?
Because it was dead.

Eep!
So, I always thought that "pilates" was the plural of "pilate", as in Pontius Pilate. It seemed silly to me that somehow you could get into shape by somehow invoking two or more Pilates. I figured that if one of them was Pontius himself, all the better. <Spell checker wants me to replace "Pontius" with "Pontiac">

It takes an awfully dumb robot to want the job of simulating illogical gibbering for this wiki. "Beep beep... boop".

The ceaseless bleeping, so high pitched I think it may summon the Bat-lord, seems to be from the general direction of that dust mite-like creature. How do you, sir?

Catnap almost rhymes with Enolatnap. This is why the cookie crumbles. Patriarchies tend towards conservatism. This is where the cookie crumbles.

As the donner achieved optimal angular momentum, ablations sparked and hooted across the viewscreen with abandon. The heat! It was getting hotter! Oh, wonderful reentry calculations, fondling the edges of epitaxial depositions with their subtle and beguiling ways.

Halloween is just around the corner. Get your cat costumes now.
Just at the anticlimactic moment of the film, when the werewolf turned into a pile of ribbon candy over there in the corner, the entire contingent of Dutch Royal Marines sat down to craft EMP macrame owls. Then, of course, the baby started crying, ruining the event for everybody. By the time we got to the fourth prank call to the deli down the street, deer were inhabiting the cities. Say, is that coffee still warm?
Eating noodles today, a callous Precept occluded his navel by way of ham. The call went out to the countryside: "Bacon! Bacon! Does anybody gots any bacon?" Irregardless, folks around these parts being generous and savage, a curried favor gathers no floss.

Wrinkle-free cotton-silk blends of lactating bonobos were reticent to employ violence against defective television sets. Italian cold cuts will be served.

Hey, anyone remember the good old days when--
(cut off)
DOCTOR OCTOGONAPUS BLAAAAAARGH!!!

Because the passage above proves that all you need to be funny is a reference to an overused internet meme.

“God made me an atheist. Who are you to question his wisdom?”

~ Unknown

Curved in tinny little spicules, other dimensions lurk. Lost in their delusions previous sparkles work,

Laboring to cancel
The debt that tugs our forecastle.

"Why don't I just kill myself?" asks Murderface. Not yet, not yet... just to piss you off.

In Turkey, birthplace of the English language, you cannot get a coffee with ranch dressing. Other than that, there was an element of Kurds and weigh underfoot. Battlestar Galactica.

Jack said that he wanted to rob the place, but we talked him out of it. Instead, he set himself on fire and scared some nuns.

Many popular authors suggest possibility that mysterious sites around the world were created with help of advanced knowledge and technology (possibly more advanced than our current one) possessed by lost civilizations. Others do not believe that there ever was very advanced civilization on earth and all of the superb knowledge was handed down to us by ancient astronauts who came down from heaven. Most scientists do not subscribe to any of these ideas and try to explain ancient enigmas on the ground of religion and ritual.

In this discussion, we shall assume that aliens from Khripsara defeated the New England Patriots at rock-paper-scissors-thermonuclear device in 1877. Further, tacky little art deco tattoos on Regirim's Philbin's face made the popcorn go gray. Grim statistics indeed.

• Alpacas!

Illogicopedia wiki project is to create a repository of words in in any order frenzy. We monarch you! We are the best! I is well suited to believe that the editor of certain writers of the human being in order to find the words and expectations to qualify considering inclusion, it is interesting in the infinite, other people "one of the babblings of you interesting people with the purpose which is the standard means that could not be princes or subjective, we we would not have to be prose read here you are , interesting. Is that you!

I am the translator of the best word in English until now!

A PUBLIC CERVIX ANNOUNCEMENT FROM NURSE RATCHED AND STAFF: Unwise application of Original Bug automobile parts to your 500+ horsepower Mazda may result in termination of snout privileges. God is watching you, disguised as a sandwich.

All your peas in one pocket,
Yardarms asunder with blight.
Smell is never to be taken for granted.
Oh, is that the front porch light?
Henri grabbed a box of fudge decimally
only to refute Descartes
with a sullied blender.

Guinea Pigs fear and obey the longest article as a matter of principle. It was for this purpose that great houses of worship were erected on every continent. There is even a covert redoubt on Mars, manned by cryogenically preserved sick people and geezers. One retiree even received a complimentary set of decorator crabs, and a shiny medal with grass on it.

The ankle-biters tagged along, gaily nipping away at the poor footies on innocent pilgrims on the road to the Dwarf Fortress. Finally, having passed through the Mountains of Travail, the Third Bishop remarked casually, if uneventfully, that the rains had brought a much-needed ensconcement to the countryside. Carved in all it's adamantine glory, the precipice will not falter.

File Nucleonic Power in your pipe, and smoke it.

There has been entirely too much salami this week. Please reduce coldcut orders by 65%, or risk Italian singers to inundate the harbor.

On March 4, Anna Nichole Smith was reincarnated as a vulture.

Bilge pump, oh fleeting bilge pump! I invoke thine intercession on my dog's behalf to give us a nice spring day for the Feast of Saint Alphonso. Gladden our loins with hackles of smelt, and roundly defeat our enemies with Kentucky whiskey.

Living on a barge has it's perks... Santorum, for instance.

Jesus is here, and he's belching.

Martusse performed his usual dazzling food arithmetic before God and Satan, with no regard for the truth of the matter. Or energy, for that matter. The beer was Dutch, the lobster from Maine and fugu tank-grown in Okinawa.

It's a static line of Saarin plied between 5 razors, and then you spit. Bubbles form on the inner edges, but you don't care, you just keep shoring up the beech head until it's time for dinner.

Knocking about on a Saturday morning, up to no good, Yancy fanciedan y

dsertfet ahhhjn peoplle ar typing for m,e sddorry. he did picket a sick frigate paddling ostentatiously toward the Pagoda of Backupu Redundancy.

Today is Kerbit's Day, and in honor of such a panoply, we at Illogicopedia wish our brethren and sisteren of the Holy Apostolic Multidimensional Church of the Half-Buried Truths. To everybody else, we suggest ingesting, imbibing and otherwise consuming things and stuff that make you happy. When the pump stops, please extinguish all smoking materials and dog-pile on your comfy mattress until the train comes to full stop.

qazwsxedcrfvtgbyhnujmik,ol.p;/[']\|}"?{:>PL<OKMIJNUHBYGVTFCRDXESZWAQ~ ROLLING MY HEAD ON THE KEYBOARD!!!

As Boudica nuzzled her orange kitty face against the upper edge of my laptop, hobbled-goblins emerged from the hills across the frozen tundra, mile after mile, sifting flour deviously and with expressions of derision on their gaunt, leathery faces. Olaf the Redolent of Onion was, as usual, out of step with the rest of the horde, and whistling the Lithuanian national song of gloating, but this in step with his brethren.

The following message brought to you by dreadfully unfunny. EVERYDAY IM SHUFFLING

As a further proof of concept, shiny duct tape can be expressed as follows:

$\{x: x\ \mathrm{is\ an\ even\ prime}\}\,\!$
$\{x: x\ \mathrm{is\ a\ positive\ square\ root\ of}\ 4\}\,\!$
$\{2\}\,\!$

The resultant expression is in no way similar to lactation.

"Clink!" went the glasses, narrowly avoiding fatal collision due to intoxication of glass pilots.

...so then, Barry pointed up the street and said, "Up at the third set of lights, that's Adams Street. Take a right and just before the end of the block, on your left, you'll find the Catechism Monkey Building." Unfortunately, Barry was holding a bag of freshly scooped doggie poops in the same hand which he used to gesture down the street, facilitating directions and simultaneously waving said malodorous package under the nose of the directions asker... porpoise?

Meh berd is cooler than wrowbawttzq. Meh berd has always been cooler than wrowbawttzq. And, most of all, wrowbawttzq is always doomed to be inferior to meh berd with respect to coolishness. Now, if you'll excuse me, there's things that need stuff done to them. Bedelato 03:10, 18 Jeremy 2012 (UTC)

I jizzed in my pants.

Yes, well... that's the sort of blinkered, Philistine pig-ignorance I've come to expect from you non-creative garbage. You sit there on your loathsome, spotty behinds, squeezing blackheads, not giving a tinker's cuss about the struggling artist, you excrement! You whining, hypocritical toadies with your color tv sets, and your Tony Jacqueline golf clubs, and your secret Masonic handshakes!

Come to the Arseton Car Bot Sale for Free CHristmas presents.!

I was walking through the city streets, and a man comes up to me and hands me the latest energy drink. "Run faster, jump higher!" Man, I'm not gonna let you poison me! I THREW IT ON THE GROUND!!! You must think I'm a joke! I ain't gonna be part of your system! Man, pump that garbage in another man's veins!

I go to my favorite hot dog stand, and the dude says, "You come here all the time! Here's one for free." I said, "Man, what do I look like? A charity case?" I took it, and THREW IT ON THE GROUND!!! I don't need your handouts! I'm an adult, please! You can't buy me, hot dog man!

At the farmer's market with my so-called girlfreind, she hands me her cellphone, says it's my dad. Man, this ain't my dad! This is a cellphone! I THREW IT ON THE GROUND!!! Whatcha think, I'm stupid? I'm not a part of the system! My dad is not a phone! DUH!

Some poser hands me cake at a birthday party. Whatcha want me to do with this, eat it? HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE GROUND!!! I threw the rest of the cake too! Welcome to the real world, jackass!

So many things to throw on the ground, like this and this and that and even this! I'M AN ADULT!!!

Two Hollywood phonies try to give me their autograph. GROUND!!! Nobody wants your autograph, phonies! Then the two phonies got up, turned out they had a tazer, and they tazed me in the butthole! I fell to the ground! The phonies wouldn't let up, tazin' on my butthole over and over! I was screaming and squirming, my butthole was on fire! The moral of the story is, you can't trust the system. Man! ~[ths] Keeper of the Bloodwine 19:27, 12/22/2011

# I AM SAILING! I AM SAILING! THROUGH THE OCEAN!!!!! I AM SAILING!!!!!!

THIS IS STUPID, ROD STEWART LYRICS DO NOT QUALIFY FOR A SECTION HEADER!!! Sincerely, islandmonkey - TALK TO MAH 15:38, 22 Ditzimber 2011 (UTC)

So, I was getting groceries the other day, and this woman walks up to me and asks, "is this where you go for a bucket of swine flu?" And I thought, this woman must be nuts, when providentially I was struck down hard by a towering display of cashews. Then the commotion started down at the far end, when the freezer cases are, and some Cambodian family was transmuting ice cream into gold. A crowd began to gather, both around me and my mess, and the Khmer alchemists, and I thought, "we're not talking Cecil B. DeMille, here. Space aliens didn't land 47 kilometers south of Paris in 1066 by coincidence."

A snarky fellow with an ill-fitting overcoat at once came into view, just as Gilgamesh was an epic and grandstanding idiots with recessive tails and slow thinking pilchard followers approach the singularity.

Stop looking at your watch! Rick Keyer forbids it.

Humanist propaganda contains the seeds of mutation coddling. Thus, Che Guevara was formed.

So, when in history did exposed womens' breasts become such a big deal? I mean, really.

When a shoe doesn't fit no more, is it a shoe? Or an ornament? Or even a solid leather pocket unattatched to your pants? I had some pants once. They were great. But instead I have to wear shoes to compensate. Well, I would if the bloody shoe fit!!!! Ho ho ho! Gawd elp mi!

“You, sir, are incorrect.”

~ Reginald Mordling on why the left elbow is crucial
The worst thing about the naughties was that you never got a good look down that woman's top.

Somethingness

Nothingness

Starry, starry Francis.
Aid epoc igol-- NOW BACK TO THE GOOD PART!

THIS IS THE TALE, OF CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW

PIRATE SO BRAVE, OF THE SEVEN SEAS!
MYSTICAL QUEST, TO THE ISLE OF TORTUGA

RAVEN LOCKS SWAY ON THE OCEAN BREEZE!!!
Paragraph 7 states that any and all orders from ChatIntZyulcUtreXmall must be routed through the gefilte filter. I CANNOT OVERSTATE THE IMPORTANCE OF THIS. IGNORE AT PERIL OF UNEMPLOYMENT!

“...over a one-celled Hammond organizm...”

~ Frank Zappa on revised movement of the diaphragm.

OG Stuttgart Klackon! Mrrshan Diplomacy! grimaced as it bore it's 7000 kilogram load down the narrow corridor leading to the docks. Froogybeasts littered the path, skittering primarily thither into the twilit corners, where rampart extensions jutted onto the common folk spaces. Lazarus tumbled down a three stair flight tramshackle over the OG's head and splattered to a halt abruptly with fogey intent. It was at this point that the grapes began to ripen, and all heaven set itself in order.

That was the Night of the Sofa, a memorable occasion made so by such as those who can't remember their own names half the time, and can't sing the other half. The latter didn't matter so much, since the caliber of the compositions themselves were manifestly divine. A dog will not call you The Chrome Dinette, no matter how hard you try.

The United Nations recently banned "Frunobulax Poop" as a weapon of mass disgust, foremost in a list of 54 disgusting substances. Others include Klezmer, pureed rodents, santorum and owl pellets.

I'LL VANDALISE YOUR MAINPAGE!

AND I'LL KILL YOUR GRANDMOTHER!

And you know who else will vandalize my mainpage? MMMY MOM!!!

The Illogicopedia War of the English and Americans is heating up again.

It says, "Add your mad gibber here", as though it's obvious. Is it your mad gibber they are really after? What it they'd misspelled "gibbons"? What if they're really looking for gibbons, trying to build a gibbon army, with which to subdue the forces of wisdom and light? Then where would we be?

EWxceeed action or the article that wrote itself happened during a freak storm, when waterspouts dotted the Colorado landscape everywhere higher than 77 feet above sea level. Legumes were brought in from adjacent states for morale purposes, but the enemy was in sight. Run!

Arses!
This guy stole my Texan patron saint!

"That is sorta mental", she thought, while combing the Baconaise out of her hair. Bits of bacon kept flying off, like errant toenails from a booger-eating spaz. She thumbed through grainy black and whites of old-timey cars and filigreed PVC piping. Under the sink, leeches simmered in the lobster pot, briny in a sauce of strained carrots, sea salt, fatback, tumeric, crickets and white wine.

This is what waits in your closet at night.

Shortly after the introduction of the Lossy cheese integrator, the Gainy cheese integrator surpassed all expectations of potatoe-headed Bombay.

...so, she sneezed in the middle of her trumpet solo! It was hilarious! Snot actually flew out of the bell!

When Dracula lost his arm, he was quite upset. I could hear him clear across B deck by the docking array. Principles signaled Earth for instructions, since vampires in space were not covered in the manual. Snickering, the gringo said, "Where's all the white women at?".

WHAT IS THIS, I DON'T EVEN NUMBERS ARE WEIRD.

An Inconvenient Chicken pulsates deeply in the Earth, biding its time, waiting for the next opportunity to wreak havoc upon all humans. Only by the intercession of the banana god will we be saved. ?pedians will get directions to emergency inconvenient chicken fallout shelters in their email. Others will perish under the chickeny smiting.

A song once said "Strange days, have found us. Strange days, have tracked us down." Well, I'm not one to doubt that song. These are some strange days if The Idiotical.com has suddenly become funnier than Illogicopedia.

Luckily, that's not likely to happen anytime soon... *shifty eyes*

Some of us ought to have our poetic licenses revoked.

“I WHIP MAI EARLOBES BACK AND FORTH I WHIP MAI EARLOBES BACK AND FORTH I WHIP MAI EARLOBES BACK AND FORTH I WHIP MAI EARLOBES BACK AND FORTH”

~The Ferengi version of "Whip My Hair" by Willow Smith

Good Versus Evil: Battle For The Banana Cheese.

AID EPOC IGOLLI IS ACTUALLY UNCYCLOPEDIA SPELLED BACKWRDS!!!
AND AID EPOL CYCNU IS ACTUALLY...UM...EH?

There is a dark presence, lingering in the background, waiting to eat our souls...

Hercules traded salad forks in the Middle East during his tenure as baritone spambot. Pictures of his ants were uploaded to the Rogue Elementals Wiki during the Quaker Rebellion of 1895.

She made me a burger that looked like it was cooked in 1699.

$\frac \frac{I = Eggman}{They = Eggmen} \frac{I = Walrus}{Goo^2 ga joob}$

Incidentally, we were thinking of tearing out the filigree from the nauseatium.

Look, a salamander!

eeeerrefeftrtrfeeeee

...oh my.

honk.
HONK.
honk.
HOOOOOONK. :o)
real friendlike of you to be droppin by.
HONKhonkHONKhonk.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I'm about to give away the answer to Illogicopedia's biggest secret! The answer to what Aid Epoc Igolli means is-- BLAM!

We are sorry, but This user was about to give away Illogicopedia's biggest secret. Do not worry, however, there will be more killings.
Okay, here I go. The answer to Aid Epoc Igolli is-- BLAM!
Once again, we admins could not allow this to happen, we are sorry for your loss.`
Okay, I won't tell you the secret to Aid Epoc Igolli. But, by the way, it is merely Illogicopedia backwards! Ha! I said it! What are you going to do about me now, admi-- BLAM!
Really, all it means is "blam". Trust me, I'm an admin. —rms talk 17:49, 2 Ergust 2011 (UTC)
I'll never trust you, NEVER!!! You killed my father!!! 17:59, 08/2/2011

You just died due to mayo! How? DONGGNODDONGGNOD! Pooooo! Anyway the void is waiting teary-eyed mayhem CHOOOOMP! In other words my good friends GIFs are freakin' borin'. DIEEID! I spend death's money, Weegie is NOG. The world is a carpet held together by pigs. HYYNG! You just scrolled down to the bottom of this list of nonsense.

More...Add your mad gibber >>>

 Presenting the illusion of activity by changing stuff on the main page Moving the house cats to the new server proved to be rather easy. The hyenas proved to be more of a problem. First of all, they were all blazing rather brightly when it came time to move them. Then a couple of interns made the mistake of dousing them with water. The resultant conflagration quickly swept the downtown area, and all of our hyenas were charged with arson. Naturally, the French were upset, and demanded immediate action. They even offered to send troops and hyenatarian aid. We had to refuse. Illogicopedia cannot appear to be aligned with any causes or national interests for the sake of decorum. Our pleas fell on deaf ears, our rhinos fell on some scary looking lady brandishing golf tees. She was snarling when it knocked the wind out of her. Speaking of which, have you found your socks yet? — noreply@blogger.com (Sensei Gruntled) 2013-12-11 14:42:00 You may recall our original announcement back in August of 2012 where Lyrithya cc'd us her Dear John letter to Carlb, announcing that Illogicopedia wanted a divorce and that he could keep the house because they were moving out... Well, it's only a scant 14 months later—a mere fortnight by the bureaucratic calendar—but it's really happened! [ Read more ] — noreply@blogger.com (The Bard) 2013-10-27 16:51:00 Today the Illogicomedia Foundation would like to recognize a first in our history: a registered user that visits regularly. While we get thousands of hits for each new article we publish, our traffic is almost entirely comprised of anonymous IPs. So, while many are curious to read our latest policies or news updates, only a scant few... well, one user, has the courage to do it while logged in... [ Read more ] — noreply@blogger.com (The Bard) 2013-08-02 13:29:00
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