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Welcome to Illogicopedia

The amusing, nonsensical encyclopedia that anyone can mess up.

Proudly making posts vaguely longer and more interesting than Twitter since some time in the past. Feel free to write before you think.

8,988 articles in English, rien en français und nichts auf Deutsch.

Illogicopedia is a wiki project dedicated to creating an insane repository of words put together in no particular order.
(Find out more...)
  Featured ArticleProminent Prose of the Randomly Indiscriminate Time Period:   Demon
American history kicks ass.

So, I know this guy who prays, like... a LOT. I hired him to pray for my soul. I get 35% of his prayers diverted to my soul, which is, like... 200% of what I would do on a good day. I come out ahead.

Damn, I'm going to heaven!

Recently featured: The World Is Going To End!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Tom NookDo you have a face?BibbStepp195MauritaniaHowTo:Overcome your fear of rollercoastersHipsterShrimp paradox

  Featured Article  Did You No? Yes! But did you know...

More DYKsAdd your own >>>

  IllogiNews  In the News
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North Korea stomp rocket.jpg
Stuart little su moto.jpg
When Frodo Met Sam.jpg
Possible monster when apocalypse strikes.gif
Man of the year zim lebowski 1.jpg
Mr Bean London 2012.jpeg
Ose demon of insanity.jpg
Warped mind.JPG
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Illogicopedia Peoples Choice Award.jpg
  Vandalpedia  Mindless sandalism

Can you scream in coloratura soprano? Apparently Tim Whitnall can.

And then I reversed Satan. But in Soviet Russia, Satan reverses YOU!! And what's more, it reverses itself because the very reversal comes from there...

Everyone thinks I'm referring to a kid who's actually an adult Marvel superhero when in reality I'm thinking of a pizza deliveryman who's actually a massive scribble with limbs. Now that's what I'm talkin' about.

Satan reversed himself. Weeba leeba doong doong.

All's not fair at the county fair. Especially not if the chandelier falls down, unless I can emerge victorious from its smashed and broken pieces during the peak of my operatic aria.

Well, give me a tuba and I'm a happy bunny.
Not if you value your arms.

I'm supposed to be doing something else but instead I'm typing text here. This is not a computer, this is really a ten foot noodle with red hair! You've all been lying to me this whole time. And this isn't a wiki, either. This is a cat, and it's made out of water. Yes I'm typing text into a cat but I'm not actually typing, I'm squishing ants. With glitter. Probably scrambled eggs I don't want to eat scrambled eggs, I am scrambled eggs, you retarded idiot! Stop being a stupid retarded rock and be a banana corn instead. What are you doing to me, what's all this water and the fire extinguisher?...I'm supposed to be on fire...this is who I am, I'm not like you...fooblesnit!

Gringos freshened up at the horse trough. Three days trekking through the piney scrub was dirty work, and the poor horses would just have to make do with hairy guy sweat-infused drinking water. Suddenly, a group of weird little dudes with lab coats and pocket protectors appeared, marching out of the apothecary in rows of pi. The lead geek claimed they were assigned to administer Rorschach tests. Lead gringo was skeptical.

Are you browsing Illogicopedia, or is Illogicopedia browsing you? -- Powers That Bee My Hunter. S.Thompson needs a book-scratch. Two bliddy consciousnesses. Ninon. You cannae touch the pie. It is too high on weed.

Is a Palin-drome the place where Sarah Palin keeps her wolf-hunting helicopters? Yes.

When first I smelt it, I knew immediately who dealt it. That lousy Japanese-Portuguese Reggie "Smiley" Two-tones was as it again. That dude could hermetically seal huge quantities of noxious fumes within his wiry albeit portly frame for hours. His tactic was to wait for a French translation to come out. That way, he knew that the technology was ripe, and murder was in the air.

Always remember to use spans. Except when you can't use spans, because you have to use divs, except when you can't use divs, because you have to use...muffins? No, that can't be right. So many muffins everywhere that they can never possibly be right. Ever.
Yikes! It's eating me!

The tree has fleas - but does the flea have trees? It would freeze the trees and the fleas would sneeze. The sneeze would turn into bright grey cheese, and the cat would sink to its lowly knees. But I do not see it anywhere.

A wretch with a complexion sallow,
Quite mentally vacant and fallow,
Once reported a crime
Against cause, space and time.
Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.

Recumbent dynasties sway like willows on a breezy breeze of ketchup.
Piles mass, clumps, cushions of tissue bewildering their captors
With barnacle delights, were-bison notwithsitting.
Cast about, o ye loathsome calumnists.
For nothing will ye find of the Nightland.

Repeat customers are encouraged to go around back. There'll be a woman in her forties wearing a gas station attendant's outfit holding two bricks and a Japanese baby. Tell her "the print shop is out of monkeys". She will turn and scratch her butt. Turn 58 degrees left of the direction her butt is facing and go 127 paces to a bridge. Not a green bridge. A bamboo bridge reinforced (Now all I know is dong. Run. For the LSD barista is coming. Silicon valley is made of Rubber. HUHUHUHUHUH) with magnetic pine cones. Aye, there's the rub.

Dicks are the toughest nuts to crack.
~Escape Velocity

I was a giant scary staple monster gelatinous pink blob with post-traumatic stress disorder once, but then I took shortsightedness to the face and became a sweet potato with anxiety instead. Also, I'm either constantly imagining things or LSD just naturally occurs in my bloodstream. No! No no no! No no no no... *runs off into the distance*

Hope you're flattered. I've only done this one other time, and that was when I recalled Sir Gibbous Jetsam from retirement to lead my Holy Army of the Great Ground Parrot in Auckland, NZ. Back in '76, the Kiwis called in special forces with air support. Those particular ANZACs were no pussies, let me tell you. We only won the day through superior tactics. Exploding geese.

Rebel troops had breached the innermost mid to upper over-hanging outer walls with toothpaste and pine bark mulch attacks. Inhospitable locals had deprived them common courtesies, and persistently spoke only glossalalic in their presence. Many, if not most, were fast reaching the ends of their ropes. Getting a bit loopy. Somewhat bats in the belfry, so to speak. In short, they began an inevitable descent into madness that few had ever survived unhindered by permanent psychic damage.

Bermis, an ancient self hating Jew of tremendous stature and fitness, gathered 70 and 70 again, by two thirds and trebled, rebels who'd developed anti-rebellious leanings together in a secret room with a moose. They followed this dude with few questions and no answers whatsoever. Nothing would have given them greater pleasure than to turn on their fellow attackers of the Keep with their chainsaws and cut the simpering bastards to pieces.

Torque Smackey strode into Invader Zim's laboratory with all the determination of an rabid armadillo trying to burrow through a steer. Catamounts and catamites prowled the moon's surface in a vain attempt to learn Hungarian. Their instructors, alas, had no space suits, and thus died of exposure to vacuum. In other news, a plateful of voles escaped and is running riot Paris. The army response has been stilted and jovial.
A cat? Not another cat! I've seen enough cats today to last me nine lives. Stop with the cats, will you? They're driving me up the wall - literally. Chasing me everywhere, covering the floor in cat hair. And making me sneeze, to boot. Obviously I can't block you or anything, but for the love of radioactive apple pie, stop with the cats!!

Patch over one eye, horse over the other. Japanese sculptures ring the rosie, rumple the hump. Crack the windows, let some of that smoke out. Revive with Vivarin!

Volumes of onionized gases proliferate athematically from hither to yon. Egads!

Ahem! Excuse me? Is this thing on? OK, I know this is against policies, but I'm going to push my personal agenda anyway, since it's so important to get the word out. We need grass roots activism! We need people in the trenches! This movement will grow, and become as entry by troops! So, hesitate not to join the ranks of the true followers of...

Shazam! And the dirt is here... indefinitely.

Again with the cats? My wife has been bludgeoning me with the cats all morning, and I'm sick of it!

Tongue got your cat?

Chainsaw diplomacy?

Discounts for insane people are available at the rear corner of the rhombus. All others need not apply.
Thumb up to the fornicators.

I will kindly lead you back to your lighthouse for the reasonable price of twenty pounds. Well, it's an alright price if it's in pounds, anyway. If it was in kilograms, I would have really felt ripped off.

FOREVER AND EVER OOOH [cowbell noises]

Puppy got dem big ol' floppy ears.

Never again will the blue treetops burn.
Never again will the winding wind turn.
Never again will the seventeenth urn
Whittle the night away.
One day in Blockland the reddish block said -
'I want a pillow to dirty my head
I want a cat to put under my bed
Might I have those someday?'
Months became pies, cakes became years;
A long time had passed when the purple block's fears
Surfaced in green taking all of their ears
Seventeen fiddles ago.
Never again will the blockish blocks wail
Never again will the soapy dog rail
Never again will the twisted test fail
While the blocked awning is low.
Silence. Dusty silence. Silent silence. There is nobody on IRC but me and the air. The empty space. Negative space. The yellow dust fills the air and does not become bananas, or anything, and is not in fact yellow as I have so deafeningly said but rather colourless. Just sits there like a potato - but no, it is not even a potato, it is nothing. Nothing at all. Not even a block tower.

You did not just say that. You did not just say that! You like bold text, do you? And oranges? Oranges? Everyone knows oranges do not exist. They fell into the black hole in the year 1701 of our lord Fruit Fly. The yellow Bible says so. Do not listen to the blue Bible or the infidel orange vendors, or you will burn in foozle for all of fluffynuts!!!

We love Morty, and we hope Morty love us.

Goobernutorial candidates for Governor of Legumes Pretending To Be Nuts must register their complaints by February 28 or they will be catapulted over a 12 foot wall and get CPR, administered by nuns.

Raunch is the haunch of the honcho, belittling his smarmy calumnies against the people.

You are the reprobate monkey. Don't grunt or give us the finger. You started it. Now smell this...

We've got someone else, and it turns out that the cat it not a lie. Cuz I haz de grammer. Burt Reynolds is at the deli again... damned guy puts mayonnaise on everything.

The cat is a lie. But the cake is true. The cake will set you free, because it is the truth. Or maybe it's the other way round. The truth will set you free because it is the...cake? No, that's not right. The set will cake you free because it is the truth pie. No. Sorry, I really suck at this. Can't you get someone else? ...what? You can't? I'm the best at it?? What kind of star is this, anyway? You have low standards...

Menke sat at the table, grokking borscht as only a false whale can. Images of dousing rods pulsing with earth power, fetid with the stink of corruption, of soil gone dank. It was probably a petit mal which distracted him for 42 seconds.

Right out of seizure, the malignant narcissist emerges. Judicious use of red and black with filigreed brass inlay spelled disaster for approximately 5.9 million people. The implications of additional dimensions to the three dribbled into the sights and sounds beheld by such of those as could see and hear.

The screams of the damned paled and were snuffed by a thing that surpasses cacophony by countless orders of magnitude. The words of men, like "magnitude" and "screams", rung hollow as the millions perished as one.

Triumphant, the Marxists scuttled from their foxholes and warrens, all the while masticating Orwellian tracts. Rent asunder or mortgage the future seemed to be the only choices present to Chum Briap Su. The viscous torment that indulged a Master smelled most foul and dank to the rest of us. Misnomer transstar.

Prancing and mincing. It's the new black, I swear! So, this Butterscotch liqueur ain't bad.

Shammy done fucked up this time
by Sedentary Loquation
Ill-conceived notions of scalawags' invention
pour vigorously towards fruition,
AR-15 pointed at their snouts.
Surely set to three shot burst, no chance for fight or flight
puts them in the mood to chat.

My diffs are bleeding. You must have tortured them. What have you done?

Sunshine and happy farts. That's how I feel when being violently tackled in a football game. And, like, there's this awful screeching, like stereo lemongrabs.

Does this need to be archived yet?

Those of you so unfortunate as to be reading this ought to check out Adult Swim, an eight hour block of adult cartoons from 10:00pm to 6:00am, 7 days a week on the Cartoon Channel. You may not like everything they do. I like about 88% of their material. Oh, yeah...they do anime from midnight to 6:00am Saturday mornings. I personally dislike it, but my wife loves it. She especially enjoys watching Inuyasha when I'm making fun of it.

Anyway, this time of year, that ceramic tile is on sale. You know, the one you had your eye on?With the pattern based on the Cthulhu mythos? The one that will awaken that which is dead but cannot die? With the tentacles? Shit, I have to go, my ride is here. So tell Frankie to burn all that styrofoam.

So it's come to this?

There is nothing. Nothing, that is, but...wait, I forgot. What was I saying? Where are you? Under the window? Yes, that's it, certainly. Everything is green.

Colourless green ideas sleep furiously. They would rather be awake, or perhaps blue. For blue is not green, and awake is not asleep, but black, on the other hand, is white, and indefinite blocks expire.

Yes, I really said that. Trouble is, they expire at infinity. You weren't expecting me to say that, were you? Aww, now you're going to cry. Stop crying. I hate it when you cry. You've got nothing to cry over, you hear? Nothing! You've lost nothing. Nothing of value, that is. You don't know what value is. I've been telling you that for years and you never listen. I suppose I can't blame you, though, seeing as you're nothing but a pair of scissors. Scissors don't have ears.

And they make terrible, terrible wiki editors. You just scrolled down to the bottom of this list of nonsense. But did you actually read it all? Or did you just get bored like I did?

More...Add your mad gibber >>>

  Forum  Talk about stuff and things
Topic Last Edit Last Author
Illogicopedian of the Month 16:38, 14 Arply 2014 Gruntled
Wait just a second— 03:43, 21 Arche 2014 TrippyFlower
Really, seriously, actually moving, for real this time 21:58, 19 Arche 2014 Flyingcat
Suggest that Have you ever noticed how when your tired, you think like you're tripping? be removed from VFF 20:10, 17 Arche 2014 Flyingcat
Best Sentence You've Written or Read on Illogicopedia? 16:27, 11 Arche 2014 Awesomedecks
?pedian of the month: lets do this 12:40, 4 Arche 2014 Gruntled
Pushy people piss me off 03:13, 4 Arche 2014 Gruntled
Subcat 19:07, 2 Arche 2014 Gruntled
500 Ways You Know You've Been on Too Much Illogicopedia 19:34, 27 Farbleum 2014 Flutter
IRC ad/subheader on front page? 01:07, 20 Farbleum 2014 Flyingcat
A smelly smell that smells... smelly 17:34, 19 Farbleum 2014 Gruntled
This is disturbing 21:15, 17 Farbleum 2014 Gruntled
  Illogiblog  The Illogiblog

Consider, if you will, the sweet granny in the picture. She lovingly bakes swastika cookies for local Bund meetings. The look on her face says, "ach! so my friggin' grandson disapproves?"

 I watched a documentary about Mel Gibson this morning. Pitiable wretch. Still, he's rich beyond our dreams, most of us.

I'd like to see him do commercials for reverse mortgages or antipsychotic medications. You don't have to be German to be insane. Mental disorder is no stranger to any race, color or persuasions.

They've been watching again. Looking out the windows surreptitiously this morning, I saw them again. They've gotten to the dog. She doesn't bark when they come around any more. I've been eating more garlic bread.

— (Sensei Gruntled) 2014-04-14 17:01:00

Another year of lull has transpired across the time/space matrices of Illogicopedia, and the Pope couldn't be more pleased. The Alpaca Rendezvous Project was a raging success, having raised the collective consciousness of both Uzbekistan and Hoboken, New Jersey.  A gaggle of prigs was installed into the gaps between keystone number 8, and is almost paid for.

It has been determined by the ruling cabal that the crux of the biscuit is the apostrophe. It's not an original thought, but the truth is impossible to ignore. For the first time, biscuit appropriations were sourced to an international committee. Phrased another way, the crux was committed, straight jacket and all. The 911 call that initiated the decruxing was traced to an albino Elvis impersonator who eats Teflon.

The momentum pulled along a variegated melange of role playing games, rhapsodic headbangers, beetles, aquatic mammals, hyenas, faux lesbians and their Republican entourages, rocky road ice cream, polecats and medical supplies.

Ugh. Yet another list. It certainly can get tiresome, as lists accumulate into grommet piles like scum from the underside of inner city sewer grates. As we spin and revolve around Sol, undetected alien presences insinuate themselves into our societies. Their reptilian stamps are on nannies and political consultants alike.

So, our advice to you is to investigate these conspiracies for yourselves, and write articles related to your experiences for submission to Illogicopedia. The act can be liberating, and will certainly lead to mental aberrations.

Lather, rinse, repeat. Repeat.
— (Sensei Gruntled) 2014-01-23 05:24:00

Presenting the illusion of activity by changing stuff on the main page

Moving the house cats to the new server proved to be rather easy. The hyenas proved to be more of a problem.

First of all, they were all blazing rather brightly when it came time to move them. Then a couple of interns made the mistake of dousing them with water. The resultant conflagration quickly swept the downtown area, and all of our hyenas were charged with arson.

Naturally, the French were upset, and demanded immediate action. They even offered to send troops and hyenatarian aid. We had to refuse. Illogicopedia cannot appear to be aligned with any causes or national interests for the sake of decorum. Our pleas fell on deaf ears, our rhinos fell on some scary looking lady brandishing golf tees. She was snarling when it knocked the wind out of her.

Speaking of which, have you found your socks yet?
— (Sensei Gruntled) 2013-12-11 14:42:00

  Languages  Don't speak the lingo? (Don't worry, we can't either)
You are currently reading the English language version of Illogicopedia. Started in 2007, it currently contains 8,988 pieces of junk known as articles. But did you know that Illogicopedia is available in a variety of other languages? Yep, and we're going to list them for you right now.
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