Communist Party
“If you have to fart, fart; it will clear the air[1]”
“Comrades, dead men never go on strike no matter what you pay them![2]”
“Comrades, why should the capitalists have all the fun?”
“ ... [3]”
Communist party. It sounds important. It sounds ... entertaining, really.
But what is it, exactly?
We need to understand what the words mean. A Communist is someone does everything in groups of Communists, because Communists always do everything in groups. That includes having "fun". The "fun" a group of Communists can have must always be ideologically correct, of course.
Communist Fun[edit | edit source]
There are lots of "fun" things Communists can do together, including:
- Chant slogans. Lots of slogans! When lots of Communists get together to have "fun" the chanting can get quite rowdy, particularly when they start chanting the old favorites, such as:
- Two Four Six Eight Who do we all venerate? STAH-LIN!
- Is that one dead? That's more for the rest of us!
- We are all more equal! Everyone is above average!
- Four legs good, two legs bad!
- And besides that, they ... uh ... well, they chant more slogans.
Capitalist Fun[edit | edit source]
Unlike Communists, Capitalists are very limited in the things they can do to have fun. When they get together in a group, and "fun" is needed, they typically:
- Eat lots of unhealthy food like chips and whipped cream and brie
- Drink beer
- Drink Scotch
- Drink too much
- Play loud music, with lots of patriotic songs like "Born in the USA" and "Take this job and shove it".
They call that a party. So, see, a "party" is a thing capitalists do.
Communists don't do those things.
And that is why there is no such thing as a "Communist party".
Footnotes and stuff
- ↑ From the Chairman's remarks to the Lush Party Congress after some disaster or other. Remarks were delivered after dinner, which gave everyone time to get plastered first.
- ↑ Remarks to the Central Committee on ... oh you can fill in the rest.
- ↑ Remarks delivered at the 1925 party congress, at which Stalin seized control (and everything else). Lenin had been dead ... um ... some number of months at that point.