Every April 22nd, the tooth decay fairies come out to frolick, turning our pristine and above all highly sustainable globe into a puddle of oil-sucking depravity that needs some eco-chastity, big time. This magical day is Earth Day. On this day of vigil, normally indifferent slobs are urged to drop a few haypennies in Earth's rusty beggar cup, and of course to Help the Ferns, if you can believe that.
This is just a smattering of all the pledge drives that take place on this hallowed-we'en day. You can get 'em on DVD, for if you missed something.
- Help the Ferns - They keep loosing seeds on there planters - halp!
- Prezzies? - Ooh, I love prezzies. Gimme!
- Old growth forests 24-hours - Cut 'em down. Make some room for the newies, you knarled greys.
- Luck o' the draw - Could fix the biosphere; could line the pockets of banana republic warlords. I'm taking odds! 1.788263688:1! Limited time! RIDDLE ME THIS, TAXI DRIVER! (To the moon!)
- Ventriloquism parade. Ventriloquism claims the lives of hundreds of wooden dummies each year. They all have to be replaced with precious wood. I mean, wood doesn't grow on trees, you know. Oh wait, I have some right here....
Didja hear? Ralph Nader's leading in the polls! Get with the winning team, man.
What I'm doing on Earth Day
- Sorting a pile of micron-sized shreds into 2-gram piles.
- Belching less (u no, to save teh environs*).
- Replacing all the fluorescents with luminescents.
- Smash all the greenhouses. It was them all along! Ha ha haeoui!
Add your anecdotal evidence here but only if it discredits Al Gore (Michael Moore is OK too).