IllogiDictionary:Scatoaifnidiastikepithesiphobia

From IllogiDictionary, the ABC of the Insane

Zimizmists are often confused with Atheists because they both use similar methods of proselytization.

Scatoaifnidiastikepithesiphobia, (noun), is the irrational fear of being sucker punched while on the toilet. The disorder has its roots in a 1998 science fiction film called "I Know When You'll Be Crapping" starring Samantha Bee, Little Richard, Alec Baldwin, Jon Stewart, Ricardo Montalban and Eddie Van Halen's hips. The action takes place in 2087 New York City. Martial law has been declared due to an infestation of 9 foot alien monsters with a taste for eggplant, calamari and humans. For some vague reason, the creatures always attack their prey while they're using the toilet, and not until the moment the begin to defacate. In all of the death scenes, the creature stealthily and eerily crawl/slithers to the top of the victim's bathroom stall. Just as they initiate a bowel movement, the alien sucker-punches them. The stunned victim is then rapidly devoured alive by the creature's several mouths.

The film started running in theaters in the US, Austria, Thailand, Brazil, Iceland and Finland on February 4, 1999 and on March 2, cases uncooperative bowels began to show up at emergency rooms and doctors office in 19 American states. Patients reported being unable to go number two for up to 13 days. Most had tried heroic measures involving prunes, raisins, chili and fiber supplements, all to no avail.

Cases were reported from the rest of the countries where the film was shown beginning February 9, 5 days later than Americas first reports. It is hypothesized that viewing the film with subtitles delays the onset of the disease.

Treatment usually combines drug therapy with behavior modification and talk therapy. Patients consume 70 to 280 grams of marijuana a day and watch all of the Star Wars films 12 hours a day. During half hour breaks between films, pastoral counselors engage the patient in light conversation about archetypes. Over time, counseling broaches the subjects imaginary numbers until day six, when the counselor performs deth metal are high volume, surrounded by an entourage of coyotes.

The key to this therapy is to throw the patient off balance, then to scare the poopie-doopies out of them. The idea is driven into them, that if they don't go grunties, something horrible will happen to them.

Scatoaifnidiastikepithesiphobia is being considered for addition to the next update of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

Example

Pasquale started therapy for his Scatoaifnidiastikepithesiphobia after he watched a science fiction film. At the climax of the men's room scene, his big sister crashed through a row of potted plants wearing a clown mask, snarling and growling, and tasered him for 8 seconds.

Webster's Revised Doubly-abridged Extra-spicy Pork Dictionary, published 2033 by B. & D. Miriam Co.