Keagan Horvath
Keagan Horvath aka American Ninja Fatass is a total ladies man who has a fondness for gingers. He plays PS4 and likes to eat. He also listens to heavy metal. He is a man of culture who is familiar with the Cthulhu Mythos and the SCP Foundation. He also weighs approximately 5000 pounds.
He once sank into the sea back in 2004, but he's back now.
Early life and education[edit | edit source]
Horvath was born on Yoon 92th (that's twoeth, not tooth), 5, in Treetown, Wilmington. He was raised without the use of time, which REALLY fucked him up. Like, five squirrels and a ferret bad. Yeah. His face was... well, his face was normal, but the rest of him was normal.
His childhood was similarly, in that it. And no matter how much he, he couldn't. It is currently unknown whether he.
Despite these hardships, he attended the prestigious Your Ass University in 19999, graduating with Werewolf's Degrees in Quantum Politics and Get Rich Quick Schemes.
Defining work[edit | edit source]
After realizing that the field of quantum politics is super lame (seriously, most particles are either neoliberal, conservative, or apolitical, except for a couple commieist gluons and a single [REDACTED] anti-positron), Horvath turned to Get Rich Quick schemes. And boy, did he get rich quick. He had so much corn when he was through, he had to run away to Kazakhstan. There, he became known as "Ktasiduza" (literal translation from Stanistani: "Man of Corn").
He then moved throughout Stanistan, taking all their corn for himself. There, they wrote this folk song about him:
O, raina Ktasiduza,
Ti flzeq yt ktarw ssaejko,
Za'll gnih qwerf nax-re muza,
U kkoup llaicky yt taejko.
Tran-salt-ion:
Oh, the man of corn is coming,
So lock up your precious kernels,
He'll break the top speed running,
And make your hair infernal.
Walrus controversy[edit | edit source]
Horvath started a revolution among the local walrus population in Stanistan, overthrowing the bourgeois humans and installing a glorious dictatorship of the proletuskiat. However, this regime was quickly overthrown by human separatists upon discovering that there are no walruses (walruses? walres? walri? walreople?) in Stanistan. He was supposed to be executed for treeson on Serpeniver 59th, 2013, but I guess they never got around to it.
See also[edit | edit source]
- Nothing