Pancake Astronaut
SSC days[edit | edit source]
In 1987, the Superconducting Super Collider, or SSC, project was officially cancelled by the government, leaving scientists, and a stack of pancakes, entirely disappointed and enraged. The pancakes led the scientists on an anti-anti-SSC march, which was attacked and disassembled by the government. Beaten, the pancakes fled to Las Vegas, where he drank and gambled until he was drunk and without money.
Neil’s trick[edit | edit source]
Suffering from major amnesia after his recovery, he was convinced by Neil Armstrong that he was the first man on the moon. His quest to get back into NASA began that day, and continued until 2004. NASA got tired of saying no, and said yes, and put him through no training, sending him straight into space via teleport with no suit, expecting him to suffocate in the vacuum.
The End?[edit | edit source]
What they didn’t realize is that pancakes don’t need to breathe, and have fur coats that are very resistant to cold. Why did they think his nickname was “Hairy”, anyway? So, the pancakes floated on, and finally hit Saturn’s ring, which is solid ice, as we all know.
Surfing Saturn’s Rings[edit | edit source]
He surfed and surfed until the ice turned to steam and burnt away, heading straight for Earth. 2 hours later, it rained Saturn Water all over the planet, and caused massive flooding all over the globe.
Pancake Astronaut[edit | edit source]
The pancakes came home to a world cheering for him. His name was now known across the Earth. He was a hero, and nobody dared say otherwise, or risk being burned at the stake. Pancake Astronaut worked for NASA 20 more years before moving to Russia and becoming a Cosmonaut for the Soviet Space Program. That is, until he met the love of his life.
The Love of His Life[edit | edit source]
In Russia, he met a fine waffle named Taffy. They quickly fell in love and got married in 2025. Some say they were an odd couple, others that they were a symbol of true love. Only time would tell.
Time Tells[edit | edit source]
After their 4th child, they quickly realized they were just a fat, unhappy, poor Pancakes and Waffle combo with more children than they could handle. Taffy committed suicide, leaving Hairy the Pancake Astronaut to fend for himself and his 4 Panwaffs. 2 years later, the Panwaffs were taken by child protective services and Pancake Astronaut was left alone again.
The Asteroid[edit | edit source]
A few days later, Pancake Astronaut, grieving for his losses, was contacted again by NASA. An Asteroid was about to hit the planet Earth and shatter it into pieces. Pancake Astronaut decided to go on a suicide bombing mission to knock the Asteroid off course.
The Nuke[edit | edit source]
So, they strapped a nuke to Pancake Astronaut’s butter, and teleported him out into the path of the Asteroid. There was a big explosion right in front of the Asteroid, as people stared in awe at the pretty colors, the Panwaffs stared in sadness, knowing their only parent was now dead. What would become of the foster Panwaffs? Only time would tell. Besides, this story is about Pancake Astronaut, isn’t it?