“If I wanted your cubicle, I would have asked for it.”
Throughout the years... throughout the tears... They were released in Ottawa, Canada. Why were we not there to let the victims have a shoulder to cry on? Why?!
It all started when.....
One day little J.B. Hinchlekins was walking down the road in west FranSansico. And saw a rhino playing hopscotch with a turtle. J.B. Thought to himself... that if he was gonna make it big... he might as well start now. So J.B. Left to the local QuickyMart to get a job as a tiger wrangling-pilot-dump truck man. But before he could... HE GOT SWOOPED UP BY A HAMBURGER ON A HANG GLIDER!!!!!!
J.B.'s fantastic horned pineapple.
J.B. Summoned a walrus to fend off the burger. But the burger was too much for it to handle. The burger slashed the walrus until it oozed with lemon flavored hummace. J.B. was terrified after all, the walrus had never been defeated. So, J.B. stuffed the walrus back in the bag of failure. So next came the Horned Pineapple! He summoned it with a great horn of wisdom! "BAROOMMMMBANGABANGABOOOOOMMMMMMMMCHUGAFREDAHOOOOOOPPPPPPPDIDDLEGEEEEBOOBBOBDEEEEEE" The horn let out it's anger in a lyrical blast! and the pineapple came swooping from the bove!!! The pinapple ate the hamburger in a most laid back manner. But the pineapple soon died of angry women named Helga. Thomas Jefferson Rejoiced.
The Epic journey of a fitting duo
So meanwhile, the Rhino and the turtle needed to get to Mount Doom before Thy Flask went into a spasm. They got into a B-wing and set off the Middle Earth. As they flew they ran into storm troopers in hot air balloons. The rhino (controlling the turrets) unloaded on the fleet of balloons. The storm troopers imploded instantly. The duo kept soaring through space and ran into Admiral Ackbar and his piece-of-crap-looking-space-ship. And shot his ship with a pistol for the fun of it... since: #1 he served as no threat,#2 they were out of missiles and #3 they knew his ship would explode from one shot. It did. And the fished face freak, Ackbar, died. The duo zoomed on until they crash landed on Geonosis. A few wierdo bugs shot at them, but The rhino and turtle were fine, and stole a ship from the bugs. They kept flying to Middle Earth untill they landed in Mount Doom, destroying Thy Flask as they had planned. However, the duo suffered horrible burns and were dragged to the nearest hospital by Neil Young.
Back to J.B.! J.B. Went to the hippies house and got revenge on the Irish Bus Scandal. But before J.B. realized there was no Irish Bus Scandal... it was too late, he had already beheaded 6 hippies while they were meditating... and wrung the necks of 4 of them. So the remaining 8 hippies were after him! J.B. threw all his money in his pockets at them for no reason. And ran. He got to Brick Wall land and dismantled a brick wall. He then threw the bricks at the hippies. Three died from broken skulls, but there were three left!!!! So, our hero pulled out a squirt gun and shot one of the hippie's crotch. J.B. taunted, "HAHA! YOU WET YOUR JAMMIES! mehehehehehehe!" Then a tough biker on a harley came by and ran over the wet hippie and left the hippie's body split in two where the tires struck. The poor hippie was in a pool of blood. J.B. rejoiced, but there were two more after him. Then another hippie was pulled off by an angry house wife. All J.B. saw was him being pulled off into an alley way... then blood splattered all over. There was screaming. The last hippie ran off in fear of the upset wife. But before he got too far... his limbs were removed and his heart pryed out by a crow bar. The house wife danced on his body then ran off laughing. I guess J.B. won? But J.B. soon realized that that there were eight hippies after him.(WARNING: CONTAINS SOME LOGIC!!!) 3 died from bricks tossed on their heads, 1 from death by biker, and two from an angry house wife!!! 3+1+2=6 (as much as you wish it equals pecans... it equals 6, sorry) SO THEREFORE THERE WERE 2 MORE HIPPIES!!!!! Oh well.
The duo of the the rhino and the turtle got married and had 2 children. One boy and one girl.(if you were wondering... the rhino is a boy... the turtle is a girl... and the children were ugly) J.B. Grew up to be a tiger wrangling-pilot-dump truck man as he dreamed.... but he had a part time job as a lawyer-crayon making-toilet eating rock star. Then a pogo stick fell over in a garage in Ottawa and stubbed some man's toe. It left a bruise. How devastating!
the missing hippies
The tricky hippies snuck off into a hole when they saw the bricks flying at them. They dug until one had his torso ripped out by an underground pirate getting revenge on hippies for stealing his lucky chicken head. The surviving hippie lived for six years in FranSansisco after he lost all his brethren. He died from
a shark brutally ripping his flesh until you couldnt tell the difference from him and chili... natural causes.
| Magnificent Madness
This article was one of the Top Ten articles of 2007.