Rules for writing good

Following is a list of tips for writing goodly.

1. Never use a preposition to end a sentence with. That is something up with which your readers will not put.
2. And don't start sentences with conjunctions.
3. At this point in time, it is the honest opinion of myself that writers, when they happen to be in the act of writing (or typing as the case may be), should try to make every effort to avoid the use of too many unnecessary words that they really don't need.
4. Be verbose.
5. Who needs rhetorical questions?
6. Try not to misppell words.
7. DO NOT TYPE IN ALL CAPS. IT LOOKS LIKE YOU ARE SHOUTING.
8. Don't abbrev.
9. Its important to use apostrophe's in the right place's.
10. Thou shalt not use Elizabethan-era classical English, unless thou art quoting literature written during that time period.
11. Don't verb nouns.
12. Nouns should not be adjective.
13. All generalizations are bad.
14. Choose your adverbs good.
15. Join clauses good, like a conjunction should.
16. When writing, participles must not be dangled.
17. Each pronoun should agree with their antecedent.
18. Foreign words and phrases are the reader's bête noire and are not wunderbar.
19. Don't be verbally abusive, stupid!
20. Profanity sucks.
21. If you do not learn the proper use of the subjunctive, people will think you be speaking Ebonics, which be fine if you're black, but if you're white, you'll just embarrass yourself.